Is it normal trying to help daughter with temper so have extreme grounded her

This isn't going to help her. This will only make her dislike you far more and give her more to whine about. I would even say it borders on the line of child abuse. Five minute showers? How is she supposed to clean herself properly?

I'm getting the feeling that it is *you* that needs to change because her behavior is a response to yours as a parent. I could be wrong but that is the wibe I'm getting here.

You also mentioned a pastor? Which means your family is religious? By that and your willingness to take parental advice from a pastor who views what he said you should do as "advice" gives me the impression you're one of those strict religious parents, which I can only imagine being hellish for the kid.

What you need to do is meet her half way. Punish her for her bad behaviors but also reward her for her good behaviors. Ofcourse, this doesn't mean that every good thing she does gets a reward but that if there is a trend of good behavior you should reward her, perhaps by doing something you both enjoy doing so you can also bond more.

Stop what you're doing with her now. Tell her the grounding is over. Admit you were wrong to go to such extremes and tell her that there will still be punishments for bad behavior but that's only whe it's warranted.

She's seventeen. She's almost an adult and you've taken every choice she should be allowed to make away from her. No wonder she is "whining" or crying...You're treating her terribly.

You need to work on your parenting more than she needs to work on her behavior because from what you've said here, I can definitely see her behavior as being a response to how you are treating her.

No wonder she freaking hates you! Are you some kind of fundamentalist jerk wad? Your Pastor is a piece of shit and you're a dumbass for listening to him! Why would any person in their right mind love anyone who treated them as badly as you're treating your child? Don't be surprised if she runs away.

Maybe she acts that way because your parenting sucks.

yep, this describes my life really well. sure I turned out well, but I still have flashbacks of the dullness I had to experience. I was too afraid to get a girl friend because I was afraid I wouldn't get to see her, and I had no use of the shower, only the bath. which really sucked. I was a foster kid in that home. I had the exact experience she did.

no freedom of speech, every thing I did and said was used against me. and you know what? I did nothing wrong in the first place to get this treatment. I wasn't even aloud to watch television.
the only freedom I had to look forward to being my self was school. ( I was an out cast there to, which can really get a guy.) so ya, this kind of treatment would work better on prisoners, not kids.

First off I'd like to say I hope this is a troll post, but just in case it's not here's my response:

Okay, I actually read it this time. What the fuck? Are you retarded or something? No, seriously not even prisoners are treated this way! 5 min showers? That's just plain unclean! Signing off to go to the bathroom? She's gonna have some serious problems pissing herself! No friends, calls, or contact with the outside world what so ever? She's going to become one of those weird people that never leave home because they don't know how to fit in with regular society!

Oh, and btw, I don't think refusing to let her go on family outings is much of a punishment. Why would she want to go anywhere with you? Monster.

"a pastor friend of mine" I stopped reading after that. It can't be going anywhere good.

something to think about -
if the shoe was on the other foot and you were very old or unable to live alone would you like to be treated like this?

No drug use? No pregnancy? No stealing? Sses not that bad dude, what do you want from her?
Its normal for teenagers to not be the most respectful or grateful to their parents.Try showing her some love and talking to her. Your "pastor" sounds like a loony quack and I don't think that's what GOD would want you to do, alienate your daughter.
In fact I think what youre doing is mental abuse if she reports you, you could have childrens services involved.
Stop doing this cause its not working is it?

This sounds like a prison scenario. If you continue on this way, your daughter is going to move out and never speak to you again. This is emotional abuse and could affect her future relationships. Honestly, this isn't the behavior of a parent, it's the way a spoilt child would treat a disobedient pet.

Definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

I don't what her exact behaviour is, but your 'extreme rules' aren't helping are they?

It's incredibly obvious a radically different approach is needed.

"no friends
no family outings including holidays
phone calls are frowned upon and must be monitored by me
she can only leave her room to babysit clean or talk about what she did wrong today"

Your 'RULES' are INSANE and enough to MAKE ANYONE CRAZY!

As soon as she is old enough she will high tail it out of there and you'll probably never see her again.

Is that your aim?

How about finding ways to LOVE her instead of punish her?

I feel sorry for your daughter.

Good job! Your daughter is on her way to committing suicide!
You are breaking her even more. No wonder she bitches at you! You treat her like shit!
If your relationship is bad, try and solve it instead of grounding her. Exactly what did she do to deserve this? You realize that what you're doing is dangerous to her mental health, and possibly, YOUR physical health if you catch my drift.
She shouldn't even be living with you! YOU SIR, are a horrible parent!

You do realize that 17 and 18 is the same development stage? If you don't think doing this to an 18 year old will work, neither will doing it to a 17 year old.

You're fucking terrible. No wonder she hates you. One day she's going to turn on you and karma is going to get you sooo good. It's only a matter of time.

Ha! I wonder why your relationship is so bad with parenting like this... Truly an enigma...

Lies.

I think you should be incarcerated! You are a fucking freak and a moron!You belong in jail, leave your daughter alone and look for help urgently!

WHAT!?! No wonder you are having issues with your daughter. You are only pushing her away. Your action are going to be the reason why you will never see her again once she is of age and can get as far away as possible from you. Maybe if you treated her with some mutual respect then she wouldn't be so angsty. She is going to have to have therapy when she is older because of you. I don't care what she has ever done, you are neglecting her normalcy.

When I was unruly you know what my parents did? They sat down in the living room and TALKED to me. They asked me why I was acting out (it was to get their attention, because I was kind of neglected in contrast to my sister) and then we talked it over. I was 14 or 15 at the time and extremely difficult to handle, but you know what? Because my parents treated me like an adult I was willing to listen to what they had to say. I had a temper, I was moody, I was a complete bitch, but as soon as they conveyed their feelings to me and treated me like an adult I realized that my behavior was not suitable.

Grounding your daughter and shutting her away is only going to make her resent you more. More often than not unruly children are a direct product of poor parenting. My parents always catered to my sister, because she was highly intelligent and "gifted", so I rarely got any of their attention. They would buy me things and expect it to make up for years of lost parenting. I didn't like that. So, I acted out. If this is how you always dealt with your daughter, then I am sorry but it is completely your fault that she is who she is now.

It is NOT normal and borderline child abuse what you're doing to her. These aren't the dark ages. We have language for a reason: to communicate with one another. Have you even tried asking her how she feels and why she is the way she is? Or did you just shut her into her room and strip her of her social life? Come on, love and nurture her before it's too late. You don't want her to be 35 in psychiatric ward, because her parents mentally abused her as a teenager.

'Extreme grounding' sounds like some kind of sport, though by looking at the definition, certainly not one I'd like to partake in. Never let a pastor tell you how to raise children; I've never met a pastor who didn't have at least one dysfunctional child that either ended up behind bars, on drugs, or a combination of the two.

If you really want to help her, and you believe in God, then I have a really radical approach for you to try. It comes from Jesus' sermon on the mount. Try treating her the way YOU would like to be treated! Or, treat her the way God treats you when you screw up! Does he keep feeding you and meeting all your needs? Does he take away your phone, or your job, or your wife/GF, or your beer or whatever, when you need correction in your life? God gets our attention by being good to us and loving us even when we don't deserve it. Try that with your daughter.

I don't mean this to sound rude, but are you positive she doesn't have mental issues? Some mental problems do not respond to punishment because the sufferer doesn't understand the purpose of punishment.

How old is your child? I need to know before I can offer any advice.

Okay its illogical to punish a child for that long. That is more a prison sentence than anything. If she is going to be punished for a year long she has no motivation to try and behave and will always be grounded. "Oh no she cant go to graduation party she was grounded for something she did in the beginning of the year and still being punished over summer".

Also what you are doing is not a punishment its child abuse. Cutting your children off from the outside world and outside contacts FOR A YEAR NO LESS is what possessive manipulative people do in order to control their victim. I can only imagine the insanity your daughter is going through right now. She is going to turn out fucked up an when she goes away to college fuck her life up. You know why? Since you are a possessive abusive bitch of a mother. You deserve to burn in hell you manipulative whore!

I dont think most people even treat their dog this shitty. Let me explain what happens to people who are that constricted. They are forced to put everything in. When you put everything you think, feel, are in it manifests in interesting ways. She is 17 this could come out in a number of ways. Do you really want a serial killer? Since you are setting out to make one.

I hope the devil has fun with you and I say that with absolute sincerity. You are not a Christian. You are a fucking witch pretending to be a saint. People like you do not deserve to live on this planet. You deserve to be with the devil. If there is hell I know that you are going to be sitting in the lowest pit of hell.

My youngest was so difficult I actually had to go to court and have her declared 'ungovernable', to protect myself. Though she resided in my home, she was the responsibility of the state, living by their rules and the consequence of not following those rules was determined by a judge.
If you are curious how well it worked out for her, she quit high school at 15 and never went to college, even though she had a college fund (I had a great time on that money, by the way). She's still pretty much a fuck up at 30, and can't hold a job, because she still thinks she's smarter than everybody else.
But this worked well for me as I was so tired of always being 'the bad guy' and it relieved me of the legal responsibility for a child the state wouldn't allow me to punish as I saw fit.
Perhaps a little of 'the rod' might have made a huge difference in how her life turned out. We will never know.

omg ! my mother and her sister were raised like this. My aunt has severe panic attacks and finally got sober last year and my mother loved us very much but she could be so cold and hard to deal with. Oh and she never visited my grandpa or went to his funeral when he died.

send her to the military on her 18th birthday.