Is it normal to wonder if someone w/depression/bipolar is laying it on thick?

55% Normal
10 Comments

WARNING: Offensive and ignorant views abound.

A few years back, my mum was diagnosed with "bipolar lite". I know she genuinely has it as I vividly remember going out with her on a shopping trip during my teens and I could just feel how.... unethusiastic? Miserable? Low? Upset? ... she was.

Over the past year or so, she seems to be getting worse.
I sometimes invite her out to things, but she always says no and just sits in the living room on her laptop or reading on her Kindle (unless she can psych herself up to do some housework/laundry etc etc).

I'm the younger of two children on the autistic spectrum [Aspie in my case] and I'm currently living with her because - like pretty much all graduates from university, on the spectrum or otherwise - I've yet to find a job... and I want and need to get away as soon as I can.
Brother is in a house with other people that have special needs and staff members who live there. He has classical autism and is very difficult to be around and seems to be more of a burden than anything else.

She's overweight, has arthritis from has very low self-esteem and seems to feel like life's over for her (I won't bore you with incidentals that could be contributing to that).

What throws me is that she is very good at acting functional when she has to and - when she feels up to it - can deliver presentations in a foreign country to other people.
She's passionate about advocacy for disabled people, articulate, always delivers the best she possibly can when well, did the best she could raising two challenging infants with special needs virtually single-handed and has a keen eye for detail (She has a really good reputation across a load of mystery shopping agencies) and I can see some of that has rubbed off onto me.

I'm sick of never knowing where to stand or how to behave around her.... it's often easier just to hide away from her when she shuts down.
I've offered to make her a drink when I make one for myself and she says no (She's very particular about how her drinks are made and is anal about things having a particular place.
I sometimes wonder if she's on the spectrum, though she seems to have been well-adjusted enough throughout her life so far for that not to be the case. And when I don't wonder if she's on the spectrum, I secretly wish she'd snap out of things [Yes, I know that's the worst thing to wish someone with a mental illness to do].

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55% Normal
Based on 31 votes (17 yes)
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Comments ( 10 )
  • VioletTrees
    11 years ago

    What do you mean by "bipolar lite"?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      Mum knows someone with more classic bipolar. They've been sectioned and arrested at least once.

      With her, the most 'manic' she gets is if she's hunting for bargains. She's happier in herself, friendlier and can work - or even give rousing speeches in a foreign country whose language she isn't familiar with.
      When she's low, she'll wear the same clothes for at least 3 days and she finds every little thing a monumental struggle.

      Really crappily explained, but maybe it clarifies things a tiny bit... I hope.

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  • Seustewart
    11 years ago

    I knew a guy who faked it so he'd get Govt money; all because he didn't want to work. He was prescribed meds but he threw them out. What an asshole!

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      Now that *is* a shitty thing to do... but what if the person is genuinely ill, has a formal diagnosis [even if it's inaccurate] and you still find yourself wondering?

      I vividly remember that she used to tell me about being put on lithium salts when she was first diagnosed and I got really freaked and/or confused because I thought it was along the lines of table salt... or something like that.

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  • Terence_the_viking
    11 years ago

    you can't really prove that someone doesn't have it. Especially if they are a good actor

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  • MacG
    10 years ago

    Your feelings are your feelings. I can't imagine why you would think, though, that she'd want to be miserable and depressed. When she's passionate about stuff close to her heart, like autism, of course she seems more "normal". But the depression part of it, I am sure, is very real my friend. Bipolar means ups and downs. Because she has ups sometimes doesn't mean she can just flip a switch any old time.

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  • boston12
    11 years ago

    wow u made me feel really good about myself and life. im so sorry u hav to deal with this daily, it must b very challenging.

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  • Seustewart
    11 years ago

    being over weight and single probably doesn't help either. I'm kind of reading between the lines that she may have a touch of OCD which is usually not a big person thing.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      OCD kind of makes sense, now I think about it. There are just lots of little things that she likes having arranged in a particular way... but nothing more.

      My last partner has - or had, as I'm pretty sure it was always mild - OCD and he's quite stockily-built. I wouldn't have thought size would come into whether someone has a condition or not (Most of the time).

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    With bipolar it is common for the person to snap out of it from time to time. Bipolar is cyclic meaning that the symptoms come and go. Tell her to take her meds.

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