Is it normal to wonder between passion vs stability?

59% Normal
6 Comments

Ok, I have been with my boyfriend for almost eight years. We are both mid twenties and we have two kids. It was rocky for the first few years and we had a lot to learn about each other. Now we own a house, both have stable jobs and are comfortable. So, the big kicker is he has no intentions of marrying me at this point in our lives and I'm not sure I'm ready. However, there is no affection from him. He is a hard worker, doesn't drink, is a great person and dad... But, he never comments about how I look or how much he loves me. He does not hug, kiss, snuggle, or any of that (and yes I've asked politely). We do have sex and it is more than satisfying, but there is no passion, no yearning. I'm young, thin and not bad on the eyes and if I parade around for him in my undies I get no reaction, none, nothing, nadda! I get hit on frequently and I always ignore it and turn them down. But I want affection. Is it wrong to consider leaving someone who is stable and a good man just because I want physical contact? And how fair would that be to my children? Should I stay and live an ok stable life but never truly be happy, or be selfish and risk everything to find a person that will love me AND show me they love me and not just be a stable person?

Voting Results
59% Normal
Based on 39 votes (23 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • howaminotmyself
    11 years ago

    You should definitely talk to him about it. Tell him you want more affection and if he can't give it, you can find it elsewhere. It doesn't mean you have to "break-up" but it sounds like you need to redefine your relationship. Seek counseling, they may be able to help you find the root of the problem. I know it's difficult with children involved, but if you aren't happy, children will notice.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting both. But before you leave your guy to find more passion, why not make a serious attempt with him to increase the passion. If you make him understand how important this is to you, he might want to do something about it. Be prepared that he might not know HOW to do something about it, so you'll have to do some research and maybe even help him out.

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  • cdawg
    11 years ago

    i think you need to take action before you cheat on a great guy and he seriously hates you forever
    im sure no matter the guy you will be as annoying as hell say the same thing and realize your an idiot

    if ur smart enough to remember
    i hope you find a boyfriend whos a dumbslut just liek you and make your kids uncomfortable REALLY unhappy until they learn to hate you too after being disapointed again and again when ur around
    why dont you think about your kids instead of your pussy

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  • plum6
    11 years ago

    Ofcourse talking about it is the solution, but this is always the case. I think your problem is almost inevitable when people get into a serious relationship like this at such a young age. You have not experienced other people and relationships that might be out there for you, he probably feels the same way. I also think considering you have been together for so long, but are still young that it is not strange that at one point the passion kind of fades away. I don't think that it's worth directly leaving the relationship for though.

    Do you have enough time apart from eachother? I realize it's probably difficult because you have children together, but I have experienced that occasionally being apart from eachother in the evening and going out with friends etc. can help rekindling that feeling of longing for eachother.

    Just please don't judge your boyfriend just yet, he probably has similar feelings to yours but just expresses them through a lack of sexual interest instead of directly wanting to leave, guys are simple and pretty loyal like that once they are settled.

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    • plum6
      11 years ago

      he might be thinking "I can have sex anytime she is not going anywhere anyway.." which is basically the same state of mind.

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  • 37x18
    11 years ago

    That is a really tough one. As the others have said you need to try discussing the situation with him. Maybe he should "by accident" end up reading this post you've created. I'll delete this comment suggesting that if you want, let me know. Good luck.

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