Is it normal to wish your brother would die, given the following (v.long,soz)?

Wishing someone would die IS horrible.

However.... None of us can fully understand your family experience. If he tried to stab your mom at one point I can only imagine what your household was like as you were growing up, and you yourself had special needs.

All I can hope for you is that you try and try to have patience. Since he is out of the home and living somewhere with assistance, you are fortunate in that you can limit the amount of time you spend with him, and attempt to make it quality time. (I know, easy for me to say.) You should try to be the best brother you can be not only for him, but for you as well. Hating someone and wishing them ill will hurts you, too.

It seems to me -- since you have Asperger's -- that you might perhaps have a different perspective regarding your brother's situation than many of us. Use that knowledge and try to have empathy. Again, easy for me to say. But I do believe you will feel better about yourself AND your brother if this is what you aspire to do.

I've been thinking a lot about why i feel the way I do about him and this is what I've come out with this far:

We only ever went on holiday a couple of times, each of which he hated because it meant he wasn't in a familiar environment. I wouldn't have minded going on holiday and I generally enjoyed being on holiday with mum and/or him [My parents separated when I was 4], but he never seems to appreciate anything you do for him unless it's to do with whatever comics/magazines/music/Internet he's into.

At one point a few years back he had a 'rent-a-friend' who took him out on the Duck Bus in London and the arcades among other things... and once, I remember him babbling afterwards about how he wanted to do something interesting for once. FUCKING PRICK!

He once threw a tantrum in public while I was with dad. I tried to kick him in the balls as he was being a fucktard (Yes, I do call him that, and he's STILL butthurt that I called him Brother Durbrain about 13 years ago)... and dad thought it was hilarious! He seems to find it funny when Michael deliberately bashes his face in or whatever.

***

I was told once aobut how when I was a baby and he was 3, he kicked me and mum was pleased about it. However this was because she could see him interacting with me, whereas previously he'd ignored me [Not that she liked the fact that his younger sister got kicked].

I've had things I want to do completely ruined because of his behaviour and the fact that he thinks 'Be quiet' (never mind 'Shut up') actually means 'I'm going to kill you; considering the way he reacts.

***

I may or may not add to this as I come up with more reasons to hate him

^ great post and advice.

Eithermagic is a doucher

Your wish is so wrong.

Wishing someone would die who has mental issues makes me wonder if in fact it is not YOU with the real problem.

Agreed with Randomjelly.
He has a mental problem, plus he's yur bother. Yu should never want someone to die. That's just sick. Maybe yu have the problem.
I wish nothing but the best for yur brother.

I still want him dead. The older he gets, the worse he is and the unhappier he is. I was actually woken up from a nap by mum yelling down the phone during a conversation with dad and I could hear that at least part of it was about him, and her mentioning emotional labour.

I can't even really stand being around him at Christmas and mum deliberately avoids seeing him as much as humanly possible. In fact, mum and I ended up going home on Xmas day rather than staying the night. This was at least partially because he kept ruining games of Trivial Pursuit by knocking the board over with his stomach mid-game. He was frustrated about this as well.

I suppose what this rejection hurts him on some level.

He basically has a very normative view of life (e.g. Siblings get on, everyone sees their mum on Mother's Day).

I don't ever really remember him taking punishment on or accepting discipline.

Part of me wants to be his carer in future so I can subject him to what he's been putting his family and everyone else in his life though... But I'm very actively fighting for the rights of disabled and queer people and the irony of his death at the hands of someone like me is not lost. Plus I can barely tolerate being around him.

Got called a tightarse by mum for deliberately not mentioning I had ketchup in the fridge when he ate breakfast with us on Xmas eve. She even said to me "You wouldn't do this to your own friends".... And she's right.

I say move away when you get the chance and if you meet him in the outside world, pretend you don't see him.

I agree...especially for society's sake. Taxes should go towards things that affect the majority. Isn't that what democracy's about?

Not a reason I hate him (In fact, I think it's quite funny).

He didn't get anybody any Xmas presents this year because he was so terrified about the "apocalypse".

Something fractionally positive about him: He's appearing on the second series of The Undateables [a UK TV show about people with disabilities of various kinds who are trying to find love and similar stuff] some time next year.

I may watch it but I am sure I'm going to be cringing almost all the way through.

See also: http://isitnormal.com/story/iin2be-terrified-at-thought-of-looking-after-my-brother-in-far-future-118648/

My brother's been chucked out of his accommdation for threats towards the care staff. I openly cheered. Mum called me a heartless bitch and told me I should grow up.

Now what?

Wishing is emotional. If you wanted him to die, which is different than merely wishing it then that would be a problem.

We all have emotions. What makes humans special is that we have intellect and reason so we can decide whether our feelings are appropriate or not. Having inappropriate feelings isn't itself a problem if you do not let the feelings run your thoughts or your deeds.

Perhaps your brother's violence largely stems from his frustration over not having a girlfriend.

As an Asperger myself I know well our tendancy to fixate on things. That can include the goal of getting a girlfriend to the point of overthinking it, getting too anxious and nerved up and self-defeating the attempt leading to mounting frustration, an inability to cope because of being so upset about not having achieved the goal that one is always thinking about it, hence more frustration, and aggression.

If it's feasible get him a girlfriend. If not try to distract him. Find him an interest you think he will like and that will benefit him if he's constantly into it. Something that can translate into a career of sorts for him is best. If it works well enough he may calm down, clear his head and be able to be productive and independent. Autistic development is extremely unpredictable.

UGH. Found another two reasons to hate him: He's been really horrible to a (foreign) careworker at the house he lives in for special needs people recently; saying that she doesn't belong in his home country, he hopes she dies of cancer and dies a horrible death and generally being incredibly racist.
Because of this behaviour, the staff can no longer handle him.

Apparently, he also ate 26 bags of crisps in one day.

My mum did the best she could for both of us, considering that she and my dad separated when I was 4 and he repays her by deliberately being evil for no good reason.

WHY?!

This is exactly how Hitler thought and treated the mentally ill, he started exterminating them because he said they would never contribute to the human race, and that it's no different then the animal world, the weakest get killed while the strong survive.

Maybe you are a born-again Nazi, your ideals are identical!!! I have no problem with Nazi's, I also respect there ideals and love Hitler, to each there own.

Actually I think it's normal, in your case...at some point, everyone will wish death on someone else because they think that person is a complete nuisance. Your case is just more extreme than others. (well, way more extreme)I'm surprised you didn't stab him already, with the way he's acting. :/