Is it normal to want to kill your enemies if you had the chance

This person has hurt me more than once, and more than one person has done this to me over the past few years. I keep meeting too many cruel people in my life. And now I have a univesity who ignores my emails because I'm under the disability group (mental illness branch). Even the head of my school at uni has told me off when I asked him if he could fix an error in one of my classes. Lecturers have talked about me right in front of me, and people avoided being in a group with me. My friend has called me a retard and attacked me. My parents have abused me, and my sister has and still is selfish with things. My older brother hates me and my work mates tried to get me fired more than once. And the list goes on. And my psychologist doesn't want to deal with me anymore, I think it's because I keep coming late to her appointments.

Now every time I have a anxiety attack or depressive episode I imagine torturing them or killing them and it calms me down. I used to plan out my suicide attempts, but stopped doing that now.

And now I do it with people who've hurt me in the past, like imagining stabbing my ex to death because he laughed about my molestation when I told him for the reason why that I couldn't sleep with him, and then he tried to rape me with his friends. And other guys for calling me fat when I had an eating disorder, I was thin as fuck!

I'm so sick of people, I have depression and anxiety and I can't leave the house anymore. I only speak regularly to my internet friends. Since my real friends can be cruel to me too. I feel like dropping out of uni and moving to the country to live with a variety of animals. To stay as far away from people as possible.