Is it normal to want physical contact but not necessarily sex?

90% Normal

Honestly I think I'd rather get a massage than have sex. I dunno, it's the contact that I desire more than anything, is this odd for a man? (I mean yeah sure that'd be pleasurable but I've taken a religious vow of chastity until marriage, and what I'm saying is that I want the contact more than any other aspect of it.)

... Is there a way to say "sleep with" that doesn't imply sex? Who says they can't share a bed without sex?

Voting Results

90% Normal

Based on 48 votes (43 yes)

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Comments ( 30 )

peterrabbyt69

7 years ago

Sure its normal and also quite pleasurable. Human contact is vital to us all.

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- Knightmare
  
  7 years ago
  
  Definitely agree. Glad to hear I'm not alone there.
  
  Doesn't help that I'm kinda isolated. Don't have any friends really. Social anxiety. Gotta change that somehow...
  
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MarcusSG1

6 years ago

So you're asexual pretty much.

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Justmehere

7 years ago

Nothing wrong with that..I've dated women who I had little interest in sex with, but, the physical aspect..Lying on the couch or bed together, was enough to satisfy what I needed. One woman I know, and used to date, has many health issues, and sex is just not possible. Same thing..We get along extremely well, and, since I know her body can't really tolerate sex, just being on the couch or bed with her is good enough. It's still physical contact with one of the most beautiful women I've ever known.

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RamenNoodlemaster#5

7 years ago

Love is a contact sport

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RoseIsabella

7 years ago

Good for you! I offer you my full support!

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- Knightmare
  
  7 years ago
  
  Thanks. Seriously. Thank you.
  
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  - RoseIsabella
    
    7 years ago
    
    You're very welcome!
    
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TheGiraffeOfTheUniverse

6 years ago

Sleep over at my place?

Watch a show on my bed?

crap, don't say that.

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yesnomaybeso

7 years ago

Although I do think it is normal (sometimes I request a massage and I am actually feeling like only a massage)- i think you are only saying it because of this vow you took, and i sort of wish it wasn't like this! because sex is a normal thing and it shouldn't be forbidden. and also, i find it so stupid to marry a person you haven't had sex with, because sex is a VERY important part of a relationship and if you have never had sex... well, you don't know if you guys get along well in the bed.

i have had an ex, who i loved more than anything back then. When we broke up, my heart was shattered for nearly two years, not even kidding. but we weren't that... great in bed together. i've way nicer sex with my current boyfriend for example.

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- Knightmare
  
  6 years ago
  
  Hey, do you mind if I ask your thoughts on something?
  
  "well, you don't know if you guys get along well in the bed."
  
  After reading something I heard of what's called a "yes no maybe" chart... Basically listing a ton of things and both you and your partner mark what you think of that activity. I guess they came up with it specifically to help figure that out, if the two of you could do all right in that aspect of the relationship. Your thoughts? Would it be too weird to do with someone you were thinking of asking about marriage?
  
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  - yesnomaybeso
    
    6 years ago
    
    Btw, It made me laugh that you are talking about a yes no maybe so chart when my username is called the same.
    
    I think it sounds great. If you decided to wait for sex until marriage because of your religion (It's something I do not understand but I will respect), I think you need to at least TALK about it. You talk about all the things you want to do, and experience together, once you are already married. It doesn't need to be a chart like this, it sounds a little bit too... I dont know what to call it. I mean, don't print a paper with the list and be like please fill this up. I reckon that's too much! I'd feel like you are "studying me". It needs to be mutual, like, hey, let's daydream about this. Would you do that? oh me too. But i would be a little reluctant to do that, what about you? and obviously you can check out that chart you mention for ideas....
    
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  - yesnomaybeso
    
    6 years ago
    
    Wait wait WHAT? There is nothing too weird with the person you want to marry. My thoughts are that you should trust this person 100%, you can't be ashamed to mention something, after all, it's the person you want to spend the rest of your life together, right?
    
    If you don't want to mention something because you are scared how they will react... I think it means you aren't ready to marry. If you don't ask now, when? when you are already married? So what if you realise you are not compatible with this person? It's not like you can't break up and say bye, like you could with a boyfriend. I believe you need to tell your partner everything. And they will probably agree, or at least, support you with it. If they don't, they might not be the right person for you? Obviously you can't agree with everything but if your partner didn't support you with anything at all, that would be something to consider.
    
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    - Knightmare
      
      6 years ago
      
      Thanks really, you've helped me more than you think.
      
      And, about not being ready to marry... obviously I'm not ready. I'm just... thinking ahead I guess. I've got some serious anxiety issues, honestly I don't really have any close friends let alone a girlfriend. Trying to work through my fears one at a time I guess,tho it'd be useful to pick priorities... such as how to not worry about appearing retarded. Dunno if I mentioned it but the main reason for my anxiety is that I was diagnosed autistic but nobody even bothered to explain it to me, so CLEARLY they meant I was retarded. Don't really believe that anymore but it's lead to some habits that are nigh impossible to erase...
      
      TLDR: Of course I'm not ready to seriously think about marriage
      
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      - yesnomaybeso
        
        6 years ago
        
        Of course I did read your (longer) part of the message.
        
        You made me so happy saying that I helped you :) I'm sorry about the fact that they didn't really explain about autism. I do not really know much about it but I guess this is in the past and you are willing to try now! I understand it's hard but it's the start! And to be fair, I'm 23 and I had never really had a boyfriend until now, I thought it was just not for me. I thought I'd never have one! I did tell myself there was nothing wrong with me, I was kind and nice and I looked good enough, but I just... felt like noboyd really ever considered me as girlfriend material! It did drive me nervous sometimes, like, sometimes I'd wonder if I would turn 40 without having had a proper partner. But it just happened! I don't even know how yet! So trust me that everything is gonna be alright and it will happen when it has to happen! however, you need to be open for it!
        I am very shy and sometimes I find it difficult to make new friends. I have my school and uni friends, but sometimes if things aren't going well with them I worry and I wish i could make new friends. There's this sentence by picasso which i really like that says something like "inspiration exists, but it has to find you working". I sort of try and apply it to my life. i started doing it a few years ago, one day i was feeling very sad thinking i had no friends, so i thought... good luck exists, but you need to be looking for it- as in, if i never leave my bed i'm obviously not gonna make a friend. so from that day i tried to say yes to everything that was offered to me, i tried to smile to people and be nice and i tried to join more activities, like i joined some workshops, even went to parties (which i usually refused before)... i realise we aren't in the same position, but if anything that i ever experienced can help you, i would like to try and explain. <3
        
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        Knightmare
        
        6 years ago
        
        Thanks. Yeah, while we're in different situations, I really can relate and learn a lot from that. Aside from constantly worrying about fitting in and asking myself if whatever I just said sounds normal, I'm always asking myself, "even if we could start a relationship, how do I know I'd be good enough for her", or something similar. Well, obviously I can't interesting enough to get anyone's attention if I never talk to them... Being shy is my detriment as well, I just never put myself out there.
        
        There's one thing I have to admit. I have no idea what normal is as far as social interaction goes. Long story short... my parents were a little heavy-handed with the whole "don't talk to strangers" thing. I mean, I only recently realized that people actually don't mind talking to others that they don't really know. And I'm still trying too hard to not sound like a creep. It's weird, I have a habit of overthinking everything on an intuitive level, when logically I know that I'm not doing anything really weird... Everyone says that the problem is that sex ed is terrible, but in my case the problem is that they assumed that I actually knew how to interact with others without freaking out I guess.
        
        If you don't mind if I ask... what would you suggest I do or say if I just want to meet up with a girl later to chat? Is this what most people would think is a date?
        
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- Knightmare
  
  7 years ago
  
  I can understand that.
  
  I'm just going to throw my church's explanation out there tho. It's because the act of creating a child is something to be considered sacred. If there's something not to be messed with, its the beginning of life. It's why us LDS disapprove of premarital sex or homosexuality or gay couples adopting.
  
  Its not something my family has talked about at all, other than what I've already said. I learned everything else about the subject from the internet. Not that it's a good thing, I'm a recovering porn addict thanks to the 'net. And it's been rough
  
  AMA
  
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  - TheGiraffeOfTheUniverse
    
    6 years ago
    
    Sex is special. That is true
    
    Gay couples are normal and not weird or "sinful"
    
    I am also LDS.
    
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    - Knightmare
      
      6 years ago
      
      https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng&old=true
      
      This explains all of it pretty explicitly,but there's more if you dig around on the site.
      
      And yes, there's nothing wrong with being attracted to the same sex, buuuut sexuality outside marriage is VERY wrong according to our doctor doctrine, and so is marrying the same sex since marriage and family structure are so important and we really dislike the idea of perverting the concept of the family itself. Nothing wrong with non-sexual homoromantic situations I guess but... if we're being honest, if the other guy was interested in that too, it'd be pretty hard for me to keep my shorts on.
      
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  - yesnomaybeso
    
    7 years ago
    
    I think it's nice that you consider sex to be special, but.. I think once you have sex, you realise it's not that special. sex itself, i mean. sex is just sex, and, now don't be a kid, sex isn't just to make babies. even the sims have two options, sex and make babies.
    
    saying sex is the act of creating a child is way too old fashioned. i respect you believing whatever you want to believe, and if you wanna wait, wait.
    
    But once you start having sex, and liking it, what? you'll have sex and get pregnant 20 times because it's the will of God? Hope not. you'll probably feel like having sex sometimes withotu being like, damn, ima be pregnant again. so, that's how other people feel ,such as gay people, or people like me who im a normal girl who has a boyfriend for quite a long time now and enjoys sex and is not planning on having a baby JUST YET.
    
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    - Knightmare
      
      7 years ago
      
      Yeah I can understand that.
      
      Sorry if I sounded kinda immature. Honestly I've got a bit of a problem. I believe I mentioned being a porn addict... I used to watch and fap almost every night. And even though I've been without porn for nearly 2 months thanks to help from my parents (now I'm forced to do internet only thru public wifi, no more at home ), I still can hardly last a week without masturbation. I mean, yeah I'm sure that having some sex drive is normal, but I'm also concerned that I'm still used to doing it too often. So I'm trying to quit altogether, trying to essentially get back to default settings and forget what attractions I have because of porn and basically rediscover normalcy.
      
      And yeah, I'm also afraid that even if I find a girlfriend who's accepting of my faults, I'll be asking if she wants to do it far more often than she's comfortable with, for fun or otherwise. I dunno. I'm not ready to think about the future. I'm still figuring out other aspects of adulting.
      
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      - yesnomaybeso
        
        7 years ago
        
        I don't think you have to worry! It will be fine! There is surely a girl out there who wants more sex than you can even imagine!
        
        I have a boyfriend whom I see nearly everyday, so I don't really ever watch porn or masturbate on my own, just because I much rather be in bed with him. So I can't really help. But it will be alright <3
        
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McBean

7 years ago

Sorry to hear about that vow.

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Are You Normal?

Is it normal to want physical contact but not necessarily sex?