Is it normal to wake up angry about something you thought you'd long forgotten?

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I feel like a hypocrite sometimes. I'm always telling people not to waste their lives with anger and hate. Morally, I don't believe revenge is ever justified. In general, I'm not at all a grudge holder. If someone upsets me seriously, I try to forgive and forget. But, inexplicably, occasionally I wake up re-hurt and furious about something that happened a long time ago that I thought I'd forgotten about and gotten over. Suddenly, I'm entertaining ideas of revenge or at the very least going over the situation again and again in my head consoling myself with what a braver me would have done. Usually I put all of it out of my mind after about twenty minutes of rumination. What puzzles me is why these things from my past I thought I'd put away come back to haunt me so suddenly? It's not like I'd been dreaming about it, I just seem to wake up impregnated with these negative thoughts sometimes.

Though ninety percent of me thinks I'm being ridiculous even half-considering doing something about things that happened so long ago, ten percent of me thinks I'm being a wuss for not standing up for myself. Most of me thinks I'd be pathetic for sinking to their level and compromising my principles, but there's a small minority within me that's telling me that that's something people tell themselves when they're ashamed of their own weakness. Obviously, it's a terrible feeling when someone treats you unfairly or makes you feel small, but it seems so immature and unevolved to want to win your dignity back.

A few months ago my friend was reminding me about this girl who humiliated her back in high school. My friend had held onto a grudge about it for years, which I had told her to let go of. She didn't listen, and recently she'd gone to this mean girl's engagement party uninvited and upstaged and embarrassed her. My initial reaction was to remark how petty my friend had been, and I honestly did feel somewhat disappointed in her. But the more I thought about what the other girl had done to my friend, the more pride I felt for my friend. So far, I haven't been inspired to do something similar. Somehow, I don't think I ever will, but it certaintly disturbs me when I entertain the idea. IIN?

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Based on 10 votes (9 yes)
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Comments ( 11 )
  • Redcoats
    8 years ago

    I agree, it's petty to hold on to a grudge for so long and not good for the soul. But I also agree, there are things that just can't be forgiven or forgotten.

    For example, there was this guy in school I absolutely hated and will never forget or forgive for what a piece of shit he is, but to enact revenge on something that happened so long ago would be pointless and low on my behalf.

    Stick to your guns and forgive and forget, that way you'll always be the there better man (:

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      I think I feel torn because although more of me wants to forgive and forget, the smaller part of me that doesn't is by nature the stronger and more aggressive side of me, so it does a good job in holding it's own against the rest of me.

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  • Freedom_
    8 years ago

    So you're human, huh? You're a victim of your emotions just like the rest of us. I don't usually hold grudges, but I try not to judge people who do because maybe their emotions are stronger than mine. And thinking less of people for that or for any reason is about as much of a waste of energy as holding contempt for someone.

    I don't see it as weak, letting go of what somewhat did to you. The best option is to try to understand why they did it and maybe ask yourself if you've ever done anything similar. If something's been bothering you for years you've probably never truly confronted it. Whether you want to confront it internally or externally is up to you, just try not to make an ass out of yourself.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      That's just it, things don't bother me for years. I forget about them for years, but then suddenly something I thought I didn't even care about anymore comes back to the forefront of my mind, usually just as I wake up. What could cause something like that to rear its head again? Was I suppressing something?

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      • Freedom_
        8 years ago

        I'm no psychologist, but perhaps you were suppressing your resentment to avoid dealing with it. Are you passive aggressive at all?

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          8 years ago

          Definitely not. I'm not aggressive in any way, and I'm pretty straight forward. I don't like messing people about.

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          • Freedom_
            8 years ago

            Could you give an example of one of the things that gets to you?

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            • Anonymous Post Author
              8 years ago

              Yeah, sure. Well, the one that inspired this post happened today. I woke up thinking about the time this guy flipped out at me for no reason in front of the entire school assembly. We were doing a project together and he had lost his password slip to get on to it, and he asked me for mine, and I said that I had left it in the classroom, which was now locked, because I'd assumed he'd have his, and we needed it that afternoon. And even though all we'd have to do was tell the teacher, he chose to completely lose his shit and humiliate both himself and me. I had no idea he had such anger issues, as he'd been theretofore congenial toward me. He really scared me, and he never apologized. He called me a "useless shit" and he treated me like I was garbage. I was upset about it for like a day, and then I got over it and graduated. But now, years later, I wake up upset about it. It's so random.

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