Is it normal to treat abuse as trivial to avoid traumatizing the victim?

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About a decade ago, an acquaintance's 4-year-old daughter was fingered by the local autistic boy, who was 7 or 8. It was a fairly brief assault, and he's pretty autistic. The parents of the girl told her that what he did was wrong, but that he was different and didn't understand how to behave properly, and to stay away from him in future. She wasn't that bothered, and forgot about it pretty quickly. She's perfectly fine now, but I can't help but wonder whether they should have taken further action. They did at least explain the situation to the autistic boy's parents, politely of course.

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Based on 18 votes (9 yes)
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Comments ( 19 )
  • charli.m
    6 years ago

    Complicated. You really can't rule out the possibility of the younger child carrying some trauma purely because it was treated as trivial, when that really isn't trivial...

    But the older child should definitely not be persecuted for it.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      6 years ago

      It's now 10 years on. She has no memory of the event, and at the time thought very little of it. She would have been more upset if he had run off with her bike for 5 minutes.

      Out of interest, are you saying the older child should definitely not be persecuted/prosecuted for it because of his age at the time or because of his autism?

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      • charli.m
        6 years ago

        Ok. But the mind is more complicated than we understand and you never know. Hopefully, nothing will come of it.

        Because of both. Either of those reasons would render the child incapable of understanding the reasons what he did was wrong. That doesn't change that it WAS wrong or make it acceptable, but the child cannot be held responsible. It's concerning that it happened and I'd be concerned about what incidents lead to the child doing it.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          6 years ago

          Well, as a retired psychiatrist I can confirm that there's a lot we don't know about the mind, but I'd also caution that we're in danger of moving towards an ad ignoratiam fallacy if we step from 'you never know' to 'and therefore it's the case'. Not that you're going down that route.

          I can't say I dealt with abuse victims specifically in my many years of clinical practice, though there will have been abuse victims among my patients. There is, by the way, no credible evidence for repressed memory theory; on the contrary, trauma tends not to leave people alone.

          I have a confession: the parents acted the way they did on my advice. They wanted to get the police and social services involved, and I was concerned that they would create harm where there was none. I'm therefore playing dumb in order to see whether people challenge my advice or support it.

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          • Ellenna
            6 years ago

            Repressed memory DOES exist, although it's true that some therapists have created it in some people.

            I didn't remember being sexually abused as a small child until I was in middle age, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen and didn't have long term effects I didn't understand until the memory surfaced

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          • charli.m
            6 years ago

            Honestly, I don't know what the "right" answer is. I doubt there is one. It's far too complicated. It's an awful thing to have happened, for both children.

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            • Anonymous Post Author
              6 years ago

              To be honest, I think the right answer is that it wasn't an awful thing to have happened. I recognised that they would create trauma where there was none, which would mean they (collectively) would be abusing her. Hence my advice. They took my advice, and things have worked out fine. But it has sprung to mind a few times over the years.

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  • tuple
    6 years ago

    "the local autistic boy"? Is that where we're going now?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      6 years ago

      He was the only autistic boy in the neighbourhood, so yes, local and autistic.

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      • tuple
        6 years ago

        Are you sure you want to do this, because this can get really bad, really quickly?

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        • Iforgotmylastaccount
          6 years ago

          Are you sticking up for the local autistic boy, who molested this guys daughter? Seriously I don't think political correctness applies when this kid did something so horrible.

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          • Ellenna
            6 years ago

            How is this anything to do with political correctness?

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  • Nickvey
    6 years ago

    sounds like none of your business unless she is 14 now and you want your finger up her now like a pervert.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      6 years ago

      If you read my other posts on this thread, you'll see why it's my business.

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  • hcysplihp
    6 years ago

    As long as they made sure that the boy got the message not to do that anymore (and it sounds like it was a one-time thing), I see no problem with how it was handled.

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  • Zorak
    6 years ago

    Since both kids were very young and the boy was very autistic I think the situation was handled very well. It would have been very different if the girl would have been abused by an adult.

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    • Ellenna
      6 years ago

      Why is abuse by another child any different? Abuse is abuse

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      • PrettyPleaser
        6 years ago

        You're too stupid for me to address that question

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