Is it normal to think that doing sex or just having desire makes me sub-human?
I am raised in a religious family. Ever since young, I have been holding to a belief that someone who did sex is a lowly human/lowly creature. Ever since young, I have no sex fantasy, until one day I had a wet dream when I was 20 years old. Ever since then I realized I am also part of sexual creatures, that I will someday put "sexual need" as my "to-be-filled list". But the belief I have been holding that I am a "decent" man makes me "hate" or rather "resent" my own desire to fulfill that sexual need someday.
Ever since primary school, whenever my male friends talked about a girl (even just talk about pretty girls in the class with no sexual content or whatsoever), I have always been trying to withdraw from the conversation. By doing that, I have been feeling like I'm doing the "right" thing and somehow I have been indeed above average in term of achievement compared to my male friends cohort. So there was perhaps an ingrained belief that my "sex-less" habit was correlated to my achievements.
The concern now is that I feel less "manly" than my average male friends. When I see my male friends holding their girlfriends' hands, somehow I could not imagine I may perhaps do the same thing one day. But I just feel it is not aligned to my whole being.
I am in mid twenties now by the way. In term of career and achievement, I'm doing good. I have been independently living with myself ever since my teen. I have been overseas for my bachelor degree and then working and renting house.