Is it normal to think people don't like me even if they keep speaking to me?

64% Normal
6 Comments

I have this belief that people dislike me because I'm always alone and have no backbone. Recently some different people have been very nice and friendly towards me and I don't understand what they would want to do with me. I automatically don't believe that they want to get to know me or be my friend. Yet they keep being very friendly to me,

for example I am a college student, recently each of A, B and C are being friendly towards me. In addition they are all coming from separate places:

Person A is being nice to me just wants my help with a certain subject?

Person B is quite shy and is using me as a stepping stone to improve his social skills? He also mistakenly thinks I'm into sports when I'm not. He also mistakenly thought I was as smart as him but I'm not.

Person C is so concerned with being not being rude that since we once had a run-in, he feels obliged to say hi to me now out of pity and a sense of obligation.

All these people just keep being nice to me - it's freaking me out - could they actually like me?! Or are my beliefs more likely? Am I paranoid; are the above examples typical of peoples' reasons for speaking to others? I have no friends due to this life-long belief (I had a bad childhood). I would like to think it's not normal to think they don't like me, and that these people are genuinely interested in me, but I just don't believe that, although I want to.

(PS I talk back to them and try to be nice, helpful, etc, but I can't approach another person first so if they don't approach me, I sail past them because I'm sure they don't want me to say hi, as I'm worried they might think I'm presuming we're best buddies which would scare them - I don't want to be thought of as a stalker).

Voting Results
64% Normal
Based on 47 votes (30 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • Mersaphe
    10 years ago

    It's never easy to say who's really your friend and who's being nice. Just do what feels right, listen to your heart

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  • scumfuck
    11 years ago

    the reason why you don't have any friends is maybe because you're so paranoid ? you sound like an extreme over thinker just try to chill ?

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  • Doctorknowsbest
    12 years ago

    Life is but a stage.

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  • habithabit
    12 years ago

    I cannot believe that 85% of people feel like this?! It's crazy! I am getting to the stage where I am massively questioning these beliefs, because even if they are true, they are so detrimental to my interactions with others (where I tend to avoid people entirely) that I'm as well living in a state of foolishly believing they have good intentions even if they don't.

    It's comforting yet worrying that 85% of people have these same beliefs - because surely it can't be true that all people are so mean? I think most people are actually turning out to be nice and genuine, caring, but it's NOT EASY to tell.

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  • .Linkin.Park.
    12 years ago

    I also feel like my "friends" just talk to me to be nice or use me for something. It has led me to trust no one. So please don't end up like that! Get to know them a bit more to see if they're truly after friendship!

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    • habithabit
      12 years ago

      I am right with you there. I have been brought up like that so I'm already there - but have been questioning these thoughts.

      I think what happens is that as we believe these things about what others are thinking about us, we effect a self-fulfilling prophecy and we act towards them as though these beliefs were true - eventually, causing the people in our lives to think "he/she is not nice to me, I'm going to start limiting my interaction with him/her".

      At the end of the day, why did someone talk to YOU in that moment? They could have not spoken to you at all, or if they really needed to speak to someone, they could have spoken to somebody else (there are billions of people to choose from!) So I think you should tell yourself that they picked YOU, and remember friendships are malleable, they fluctuate, and if you're more relaxed around others they will like you more and gravitate to you more.

      :-)

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