Is it normal to think of my ex this way?

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7 Comments

Why even think of him? especially when he was the one who broke up with me. Not only that but he also made me miserable a few times when we were together. The thing is he motivated me to be a better person yet that same motivation also made me feel belittled. Even though I felt and still feel low about myself because he made me realize a lot things I wasn't good at or wasn't knowledgeable about, I still look at it as a good thing. If it wasn't for him, I would still be clueless about a lot of things and maybe he came into my life to knock some sense into me. But like I said, he also made me feel belittled. So now that we're not together anymore, he still has power over me like that. Every time I f*ck something up, I'm okay but then I think of him and I say "no maybe I should fix it instead of just not care..." but it causes stress and anxiety. I feel this pressure to better myself. If it wasn't for him, I would be the free-spirited person I was before I met him which is good and bad. Now that I do care, there's more stress. He's really motivated me to do more things and be someone and not just whatever. But at the same time, he makes me feel bad like Im never going to be good enough. I would just throw him away and not think of him at all anymore but Im afraid if I do that, I'm not gonna reach the potential I now know I have and its cause of him. Is he a bad person? I dont know, I can't tell. He has looked down on me before but mostly indirectly like with body language. He broke up with me, yet tried to get with me after so that's a red flag. He rarely made me feel special. I guess you can say when it came to us, he was a bad person but when it came to just him as a person, he's a good guy. Maybe he just isn't bf material? I don't know but I would like to stop thinking of him but he creeps up and he either motivates me or tears me down. It's hard to figure out.

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75% Normal
Based on 12 votes (9 yes)
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Comments ( 7 )
  • Ellenna
    7 years ago

    Paragraphs or I won't bother even trying to read that wall of words.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      7 years ago

      Sorry you're right. I wrote this on my laptop and it was a widescreen so it looked like it wasn't long but I had a feeling it was going to turn out like this.

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  • RoseIsabella
    7 years ago

    Do you keep a journal by any chance?

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  • Shifted
    7 years ago

    I think it's good to want to better yourself. Not to get hung up about it and worry excessively, but to want to be a better person. I don't think it's important who he is or what he did - as long as you feel he taught you a good lesson, it's worth remembering and following.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      7 years ago

      Well first thanks for reading it, I know it turned out long but yeah he did teach me a good lesson but at the same time, the thought of him sometimes makes me feel low about myself. It's so torn between motivating me and belittling me. But yeah I guess it was worth it because I know if I hadn't met him, who knows if I'd be the better person I am today or at least trying to be.

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  • thefunkypenquin
    7 years ago

    I don't think you should give your ex the time of day, whether it be in real life or in your thoughts.
    You broke up with him for a reason; don't start doubting yourself because of what he said/did to you while you two were in a relationship.
    He had no right to look down on you, and if he did, you can do so much better than him.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      7 years ago

      Yeah he did look down on me and he had no right to especially for how good I was to him but unfortunately, he also did make me want to be a better person. So it's like these two feelings in one. Even if hes not in my life anymore, although he crees up every now and then, I still think of him when I do certain things and imagine what he would say. I dont know if it pushes me to be better or its a just hit on my self-esteem. It goes either way at different times so its hard to control these things. If I can have it my way, I'd erase him completely and still become a better person but there have been times where Ive done that and its not a very good outcome.

      Thanks for reading this btw, I know it was long.

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