Is it normal to struggle coping with a family illness.

I don't know how to answer this, which is of course why I asked it. After some thought, some words for your future:

Life is hard. Don't make it harder by being hard on yourself. Do the right thing. Don't gather regrets. Ask for support, although you don't want to. Support your mother like you supported your grandmother, even though it was the most difficult thing you've ever done. Forgive her, and yourself. I know you care, so show that you care. You only get one chance.

Words for your future. I hope they help whenever, if ever, you come back to them, when times are hard and things look bleak.

I believe in you. Take care.

I have been in your situation with both my mother and my father. My mother made a full recovery from breast cancer - I hope your mother will recover too. Unfortunately, my father died last year but I'm like you, I solve all the family problems which is an enormous responsibility.

You really must let go a little and rely on other people to take on some responsibility!!

I didn't :o( I decided to withdraw treatment from my father so that he could die peacefully and painlessly, then I had to arrange the funeral and organise my hateful rotten family. To cut a long story short I've spent 6 months laid up vomitting with severe vertigo after going totally deaf in one ear. There is no brain tumour but the hospital told me it's very common after stress!

You MUST share your distress to let some of this stress out, or it will find its own route - in your own health.

Please take care of yourself too.
Thinking of you.

This hits home for me. I've been on both sides: my mother is a cancer survivor, as am I. Both of us diagnosed in our early 30's. My mother was exposed to radiation as a child and has survived three types of cancer. But I am currently dealing with the fact that she is having a recurrence and will have a fourth surgery on her lung in the upcoming months. Fortunately, her prognosis is great because her treatment is so proactive. I feel like I've lived with this since I was a small child, but it will always be a dark, uncertain part of my life. I love my mom and appreciate her beyond words. Just love your mom. Make her a homemade card. Make her a photo album online. Spend time with her. Make her laugh. Distraction and laughter are good, good medicine.

From my own experience with cancer, I know that just having someone be there is the greatest gift. I had two friends fall off the face of the earth when I was diagnosed. One fumbled her way back in, the other I've now shut out. Basically, their discomfort with my situation was a more important issue to deal with for them than caring for me. You won't do that, though. It's normal to be uncomfortable and scared, but your mother will remain your first priority.

On a practical level, your mother may need an advocate. If she has no one to go to appointments with, go with her. When you are the patient, you are nervous, you forget to ask the right questions, you miss important discussions, and you may not put yourself first. Thank goodness I had help making phone calls and finding out my best treatment options. Thank goodness I didn't have to drive myself to my doctor's appointments so anxious and nauseated.

One thing that was fabulous for me was an iTunes mix. I emailed friends and family and asked them to send me a song that they loved so I could make a mix. What happy memories each person gave to me by their particular song choices! I had to go through a long surgery, conscious, so the mix was an awesome distraction. You could do something similar for your mother, even with having each friend or family member offer a photo for an album or writing down a good memory with your mother. Nothing like feeling special and reflecting on happy memories to help you heal.

Best wishes to you and your mom.