Is it normal to shut off from someone for days after sharing somethin personal?

74% Normal

I have done this pretty much my entire life with friends and gfs. Cant remember if family too.

Im a reserved and private guy. I listen more than I talk, and I can be a chatterbox sometimes, but when I talk it is never about something personal about myself. On the off chance that I do share something very personal, I immediately disconnect from the person after sharing. And the following day I have urges to just get as far away as possible from whoever I shared whatever with. Obviously I dont go out of town or anything but Im talking about get as far away emotionally. I dont text or call the person anymore, meeting is out of the question. And if I get a text or call from them chances are high I dont respond.

Voting Results

74% Normal

Based on 38 votes (28 yes)

Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!

[ Report Post ]

Comments ( 18 )

Caps90

9 years ago

There is a since of vulnerability in sharing something personal.

Comment Hidden ( show )

1

1
Freedom_

9 years ago

Me too. I bet it's a phobia. Fear of close relationships with other people.

Comment Hidden ( show )

1

1
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  Hmm. I think you couldnt be more right.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
[Old Memory]

9 years ago

You should really refrain from doing this with girlfriends. You may start to come off as insensitive or careless and girls don't like that. Not really sure why you'd shut yourself out from someone after letting them in, you should be the opposite, as in more open around them once you've shared something personal.

Comment Hidden ( show )

1

1
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  Tons of reasons why. Because I feel embarrassed, and I feel inferior because they now think less of me after knowing XYZ. I feel like I've portrayed myself as weak because I couldnt keep XYZ within me and deal with it. And I also feel vulnerable with them.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  1
  
  1
  - CloverFish
    
    9 years ago
    
    It's scary to reveal something personal to people when you're highly reserved and such; i'm that way too. However, the feeling of acceptance from them afterwards is so incredibly rewarding; going over the spiky mountain of anxiety just to have a pleasant slide on the other side.
    
    If I were you, i'd give the next few days afterwards to at least get a word in. If you vanish for a few days without letting them say something back, it gives off the feeling that you didn't trust them with XYZ in the first place, and that can be pretty disheartening. That, or give them fair warning that you need time to cool off and calm down just so they know why you vanished in the first place.
    
    A good friend/girlfriend will understand that.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      I appreciate the elaborate comment.
      
      In the moment that I share, I get that euphoric feeling of acceptance after having shared. But then the morning after it is a feeling of shame and regret. And you are right. Good friends/girls would understand me giving them a headsup that I needed to cool off. But isnt that still shutting them off? Only difference is they now know why. My good friends already know I do this and some find it annoying while others have made their peace with it.
      
      Moreover, I would feel like a drama queen if I were to tell them "hey I need to cool off after what I shared with you." And this is the same reason why I dont share with people I know. Instead I share anonymously online with absolutr strangers and never see them again.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      0
      
      0
Fall_leaves

9 years ago

I do the same thing, at least for me I think it's because I'm afraid to be vulnerable in someone else's eyes. So pulling away from that person before things get serious is the only way to protect myself from disappointment. Have you ever been able to have a serious relationship?

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  It depends what your definition of serious is. But I'm pretty sure my answer would be no.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - Fall_leaves
    
    9 years ago
    
    I guess to really care about or love another person and let them care for and love you?
    
    Try not pulling away and combating whatever fears you might have about being close to another person, it's good to put yourself out there in those situations that make you feel like running.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    1
    
    1
Avant-Garde

9 years ago

You sound a lot like me, or a lot like me in the past. If I told something private, I would shut myself off from them for a period of time. For me, it was too awkward and impossible to go back to having regular conversations with someone I had just told personal things too.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  In the past? So what changed?
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - Avant-Garde
    
    9 years ago
    
    In the past, I would go to friends and I would end up feeling like a burden to them. Now, for the most part, I deal with my problems myself. I don't usually share personal things, unless I'm online.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      It seems like you've got stuff under control although they aren't necessarily ideal.
      
      You should know there are people out there for whom someone elses issues or problems aren't a burden, and rather a blessing. Some feel empowered knowing another's "problems." I am one of those types. I very much prefer people confiding in me rather than me in them, and and maybe it shows because a lot of people actually do share deep things very quickly with me.
      
      My best friend has tons of issues she's told me about. Some are very serious. I dont see her as a burden. I actually enjoy being concerned for her and looking out for her. Stupidly enough doing this makes me feel more manly.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      0
      
      0
      - Avant-Garde
        
        9 years ago
        
        Actually, you've made me remember that I do have two friends that have never felt burdened by my woes. The've always given me advice and support. I've done the same in turn. Those types of people are very good friends to have. I used one person I knew like an unpaid therapist when I was younger. I really do believe that I may have accidentally aggravated this person with all of my problems. :/
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        0
        
        0
HeNN1diesdas

9 years ago

Same with me. If I share something more personal and private with somebody I usally not meet so much and I don't know well I'm embarressed the next day, wondering why did I tell this person my stuff and I try to keep distance to this person in order to make him or her understand that I don't want to be a good friend of the person and that this was just a mistake.

This happened to me me and my sister-in-law. Actually I really don't like her because she treats my brother not as well as he deserves (he's a really cool guy), she's a bitch because she casts aspersions on everybody and she's arogant and conceited. Anyway, on an evening we both were the last ones drinking in the back porch after the most people have left. We were talking about many thing which were quite personal and emotional. Because I was so embaressed falling with her in deep conversations about family problems and stuff I didn't respond that much since she started to text me the next day. She really thought we are going to be good friends and that this was something welding together but I kept her on distance. When she visited us with my brother and their son she often came into my room and wanted to start some friends-talk but I only gave short answers and by the time she recognized and now it's fine again.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
RoseIsabella

9 years ago

Is this a permanent condition or just a couple of days?

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  A few days mostly. Sometimes a couple of weeks.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  1
  
  1

Are You Normal?

Is it normal to shut off from someone for days after sharing somethin personal?