Is it normal to sacrifice what you deserve?

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11 Comments

Is it normal to sacrifice what you deserve with the one you love? Everyone always says don't settle for less than you deserve and it sounds so right until you love someone. It's easy to say "I deserve better" and walk away from someone you don't share chemistry with or don't have those "butterflies" for. But when it's with someone who makes you feel wild, vulnerable, truly happy, settling is more like compromising or sacrificing. That's how I feel with my bf. He might not give me what I deserve and he's said it himself but I've just said whatever I rather be with him than have someone I supposedly "deserve." The only thing i fear is him thinking he can then just treat me like crap but he doesn't, he can give me more than what he is giving me but if that's his 100% effort, then I'll take it. You know its usually the girl asking for too much and maybe it's true because he gets so aggravated when we argue about him not showing me hes into me. He then points out what he has done and I feel like crap because I know I deserve better but he has done some special things in the past. Yeah it can get irritating "settling for less" but it feels better than walking away from the one you love just cause you think you deserve the best when what really makes you happy is right in front of you.

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56% Normal
Based on 9 votes (5 yes)
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Comments ( 11 )
  • Tealights
    7 years ago

    It depends on your situation.

    If someone outside your relationship is saying, "You deserve better." Normally, it's toward unhappy friends/family members/acquaintances who are in an emotionally/physically abusive relationship or just an overall bad situation, but don't know what to say to comfort.

    If it's your boyfriend who is saying, "You deserve better than me," then he has a self-esteem issue. Low self-esteem can manifest into different things in a relationship from abuse, self-sabotaging, constantly asking from reassurance, or more; all typically being irritating, unhealthy, and unpleasant.

    Not sure what's going on in your relationships that brings up just a statement, but it's not about settling. Settling is more about tolerating someone you don't love, but feel you can't do any better. "You deserve better," is more about having the self-respect to not put up with bullshit.

    If you love the guy, then you're not settling; but if he's mistreating you or you're just simply unhappy more than you are happy, then you're probably in love with the wrong person and may need to make the tough decision to end the relationship soon.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      7 years ago

      When he said I deserve better I don't think it was a self esteem issue but more like he recognizes he's not someone I deserve but that doesn't mean he's gonna change for me. He has tried proving to me his feelings and I liked his effort but it wasn't much. He says that's just who he is and he's not that type.

      So I grew and still growing to accept him. It's hard and irritating at times but like my post is about, I'm in love with him and he's worth it. I rather have him than someone who treats me right but doesn't give me those feelings he does.

      Sometimes I get over the bs like him leaving me hanging for a few days, not having compassion when I'm feeling down, not believing me in (it's not like he tells me I can't do something but he has this look that says it) if I do ask for advice he says go for it if you feel good about it but it's very neutral not like "I know you can do it!"

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      • Tealights
        7 years ago

        If you're sometimes feeling belittled, looked down upon, and neglected, then you're probably experiencing a bit of emotional abuse, but it might be too subtle for you to notice it outright.

        In your situation, it's not about accepting this guy, but more about what you're willing to put up with and whether you care about yourself enough to hold out for someone who can give you all that you need (i.e. compassion, support, encouragement, etc). Because the things you want isn't asking for too much.

        However, I understand how difficult this is. Many of us are raised thinking that love conquers all and that when we feel it, it must be right. However, no one prepares us for the possibility of loving the wrong person, and how painful it would be to go against your heart to do what's right for yourself.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          7 years ago

          But that's where this whole sacrificing what you deserve comes from. I do care about myself and know what I deserve but I accept his ways. He said he doesn't know how to show compassion cause he's never had to before. Then with the whole support thing, like I mentioned he's just neutral about it and said he doesn't know how to show more encouragement. Basically, he doesn't know how to show his emotions and we have gone over this a number of times. When it comes to feeling belittled, we haven't talked about it cause I just don't bring it up so that's my fault, I should tell him how he makes me feel sometimes. Not sure how he'll respond to that, probably say he didn't know he was coming off as underestimating me. So I could find someone who does give me these things and it'll feel good but I won't like them. There needs to be chemistry and that butterfly feeling that he gives me which is hard to do especially with me.

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          • Tealights
            7 years ago

            Love isn't once in a lifetime sort of thing unless you live in a low populated area, or close yourself off to new opportunities. You'll definitely find love again, sometimes stronger than before if you learn what to avoid when choosing someone to date.

            However, not sure how to help you. You remind me so much of my friend; he too thought love was scarce, but when he did feel that feeling, he'll cling tightly to it no matter who it is or what they do to him.

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            • Anonymous Post Author
              7 years ago

              Well maybe love is different for everyone. Some love easily others don't. I don't and maybe your friend doesn't either so when we find something special like that it's special.

              I have a good judge of character so I always try to remind myself that and let myself know that if I believe we are meant to be then we'll be together as long as I keep persistent.

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  • Curiousme1981
    7 years ago

    It's okay to stick with what you got Becuz men out there would make you feel like crap and belittle you.
    Some advice try to do better together and you will have everything you deserve :)

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  • DuHast
    7 years ago

    As Tealights said; If you're in love with someone, then you're not really settling.
    So, what is it that you deserve that your boyfriend is not providing?

    Is it normal to have ideas of what you think you deserve in a person, and for all that to go out the window because you love someone? Yes, that's what I think.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      7 years ago

      I am in love with him but as a boyfriend he could be better. He has admitted he hasn't been the best be in general as his exes would complain about the same things I complain to him. But sometimes I feel like the way he acts has to do with me regardless if he's been that way before.

      Things like support, compassion, and overall more attentiveness are lacking. Sometimes I feel belittled or looked down on while others look up to me.

      But yeah that's exactly it what you stated last. I know I can get someone better to me I know what I'm worth but does he give it to me? Not entirely but I love him overall; he makes me laugh, he makes me happy, he gives me butterflies, he has tried to do his best to show his feelings for me and I like it.

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