Is it normal to read racism in "no asian/blacks" titles in online personal ads

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20 Comments

I obviously can't list links here, but I've been seeing a LOT more personal ads listing "No Asians" or "No blacks" even directly in their titles, especially in other girls' profiles. I get that people have preferences, but I don't find it productive at all to publicly announce disinterest in EVERY single person of Asian or black descent. And why is it that as a white girl I'm not supposed to speak up about feeling this? I mean, if some dude said to me, "I don't like you 'cause you're a white chick," I'd think him close-minded, self-limiting. And if it was my race he had an issue with--not the way I act or my hygiene or something, but JUST my race, then, yeah, I'd also think him racist.

But my friends of, um, my racial background almost unanimously disagree with me. So here I am, askin'. Especially Asians and blacks out there who care to answer, what's your reaction when you come upon these excluding profiles, especially if a lot of them express the same exclusion (you know the popular sites I'm talkin' about...)? Does anyone else feel it's racist to single out someone's RACE as the exclusion criterion for even just getting to know someone else?

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47% Normal
Based on 45 votes (21 yes)
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Comments ( 20 )
  • thegypsysailor
    8 years ago

    On a dating site, why not be completely honest up front? It sure makes things easier and less complicated.
    Are you saying that someone should accept advances from someone they would never date? How does that make sense? Isn't that a complete waste of time and energy for BOTH parties?

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    • Ellenna
      8 years ago

      All very true, it's easier when racists don't pretend they're not racist.

      I get a few calls from blokes looking for "Asian Angels" whatever the fuck they are, and almost invariably when I say no asians are available right now and ask if I'll do, they hang up without another world ..... rude as well as racist I reckon

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      • Soapy_Testicles
        8 years ago

        Because people aren't allowed to have preferences. I find discrimination in everything anymore.

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      • AB1234
        8 years ago

        Yes, exactly what I mean, Ellenna. If someone feels comfortable enough to hang up on you because you're a certain race--something most civilized people wouldn't do in any other setting, then obviously this whole issue isn't one of "saving time" or "just making it easier."

        And I think you're also right that "it's easier when racists don't pretend they're not racist." At least the rest of us know who they are.

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  • Cuntsiclestick
    8 years ago

    People just have preferences when it comes to physical attraction. It's no different than someone who won't date a woman who shaves her head or someone who won't date a guy who's overweight.

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    • AB1234
      8 years ago

      I get that we have preferences. Really, I do. But hair grows, and people can lose weight. An Asian person can't stop being Asian. It's a very different order of magnitude to say to him/her that because of his/her genes, he/she isn't worthy of being dated. And even if we agree we should all be free to date people we want, we ought to recognize where our tastes come from, and the effects of common tastes on people we share a community with.

      If we just accepted media's historic image of "the right guy" as tall, and a common taste comes about that short guys are unworthy of affection, there'd be a whole lot of miserable dudes for some bogus, artificial, contrived reason. Instead, we should talk about where our tastes come from and at least treat people we're not interested in with some courtesy. What's up with, "Whites only!" or, "No Asians!" Sounds like a slur. Why someone feels comfortable announcing that is beyond me. And it's becoming so common in online meet up rooms it's scary.

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  • 53739
    8 years ago

    people have preferences when it comes to dating it has nothing to do with being racist. no one is saying that they won't talk to a person of a different race just that they prefer to date within their own race.

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    • AB1234
      8 years ago

      See above. I don't buy that. If I don't want to date YOU, then I don't have to be an a$$hole and treat you like crap because of.... your race. I'd be far more inclined to agree with some of your common perspective if people who're so into dating within their own race (which seems to me to be a perfectly valid criterion of racism--I don't hate Asians, but I don't want to work with them; I don't have a problem with Asians, but I don't want any as friends) weren't such douches about spitting that in the faces of the other races.

      No disrespect meant.

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      • 53739
        8 years ago

        i'm sorry but you interpret this all wrong. being white means that you are blessed to be at the very top of the ladder in terms of beauty, wealth, prestige, and honorability. you being born white in America is not an accident or a matter of chance, it is destiny. just like how someone being born into a starving family in Africa or the ghetto in Detroit is also not an accident. they did something that made them deserve to be born to those parents and put into that position and environment. just like someone who is born disabled deserves that too. being born Asian, for example, is at least better than being born black but never as good as being born white. God doesn't play favorites or hand out a human lottery. it's not about luck but the choices you made and the kind of person you were in your past life that determines where you will be born into in your current life. you are born white and this is a biological and social privilege, embrace it don't be ashamed of it. you are white and you are the envy of billions of people around the world who wishes they could be in your shoes. you sound like one of those white apologists who take the blame for everything that other races have experienced.

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        • AB1234
          8 years ago

          Thank you for your honesty. I'm speechless (well, obviously not totally), but am glad you left this comment as if I'd shared it from memory with my family and friends, absolutely no one would have believed me.

          Seriously, thanks for the honesty.

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  • Terence_the_viking
    8 years ago

    It's the same thing as saying no chicks with dicks.

    People are picky but hey i'll take the blacks and Asians off you.

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    • AB1234
      8 years ago

      Hey, Terence, thanks for being open-minded. I bet you're the type of guy who's cool getting to know a girl regardless of her background (Catholic, atheist, Japanese...) so long as you two get along. I also get the feeling you don't buy wholly into media's images of what people are supposed to be...

      I do have an issue with comparing socially derived, moldable tastes (guys are depicted in movies as being taller than 6-feet, and that's the ideal I've seen throughout my life, so I can treat shorter guys like crap when they greet me at a party) with biological ones that are pretty static for the vast majority of people, like sexual orientation (you're heterosexual so you're not interested sexually in people with penises).

      Besides, as a straight girl, I would still not be rude to a lesbian if she hit on me. I'd be flattered, let her know civilly I'm not gay, and either just move along or see if we have anything in common to maybe become friends. But that's not the way these "preference" folks treat people of other races...

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  • LoveMyCottonShirt
    7 years ago

    Get over it, black women are so ugly that not even the other chimps want to have anything to do with them. Just hideously looking and insufferably obnoxious apes.
    Asians are hot tho, that's just crazy talk.

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    • AB1234
      7 years ago

      Hey, thanks a lot for your contribution. It proves my point. Can't make stuff like that up--so, again, thanks! :)

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  • jamieawojo
    7 years ago

    I'm so ashamed of the America we have created. People get offended by everything these days. Jesus Christ, people aren't allowed to have preferences anymore!?

    Personally I would never date a black, Asian, middle eastern or Mexican person. I like my men tall with dark hair and light eyes. Strong jaw lines and a hairy chest not to mention he must have a good JOB and be drug free! So in order to eliminate a shit ton of inbox replies on some dating site, it is necessary to be very clear.
    There are women ( and men ) who prefer to date only blacks or those who have preference to date only Christian, Jew or Catholic religion and they make that perfectly clear.

    Why do you feel the need to turn something like this into a racial thing? It seems like these days that's the big go to. Every one claims racism over any and every little thing. People need to really get a thicker skin. If something like this bothers you so much, human nature would cause me to assume your a weak minded petty cry baby. There's so much more to life than crying over such trivial things. Haven't you ever heard the phrase, "to each their own"? This would be one of those cases where when you see something like this, scroll on or swype left or whatever! Geez, people just stop tying to make every single damn thing about race!

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    • AB1234
      7 years ago

      I feel the need to turn this into a "racial thing" because ... it's ... a ... racial ... thing. And because culture evolves in large part due to dialogue--respectful, hopefully. You're certainly entitled to your feelings that I'm wrong or our culture has become hyper-sensitive. I've heard both often. And every time I hear an opinion like yours, I'm motivated to bring this issue up more and more often, and more and more vocally.

      People who're doing OK don't have a problem with the status quo. But I see, living among late teens and early 20-somethings on a large college campus, the deep effects of race prejudice. Dating and interpersonal relationships are arguably among the most important part of most people's lives. So hell-yes, when a dominant European-derived culture continually popularizes a taste that people like me and my family are somehow more worthy of affection and love, and those who are very different from us--to quote a guy whose dating profile I read tonight (again, "White girls only"): "if you're not White, under 120lb, under 5'10", and between 19 and 26, then enjoy your life with your cat."

      Anyhow, I ain't about arguing. You're entitled to your opinion. That doesn't mean this isn't a crucial topic of discussion.

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    • 8=====D~~~~~
      7 years ago

      It really is amazing what America has become. The people who founded and built the country (white) have almost become the enemy, and some white people themselves will guilt trip YOU (assuming you're white) that you should have some guilt.

      Why? Why should I feel guilty? Because my parents were white? Because they worked their whole lives and were pretty smart people? Because they conscientiously saved their money and were frugal? Because I absorbed those same lifestyle traits? I have some obligation to someone else who either didn't have that OR did have it and CHOSE to ignore and just fuck up their own life?

      Zero guilt felt here. I don't care how many liberal college professors or liberal media pundits surround my house to lecture me 24/7. Not going to work on me.

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      • AB1234
        7 years ago

        You know, that speech may have held some sway back in the 80s, or whenever the whole "no white guilt" counter-movement in the USA first came to light. It doesn't today. Just because you spout some rhetoric about how we white people shouldn't feel guilty about X doesn't correspond to any objective reality other than the way you happen to feel. Yes, there are many things we whites ought to recognize as being unfairly linked to race, and, in turn, which determine very negative outcomes for other humans based merely on their gene-group. Minimally, not doing so is empirically disingenuous. And just as empirically sound, countless studies in multiple disciplines from some of this planets most rigorous government and scholastic teams show that wealth acquisition and dissemination from generation to generation has far less to due with how frugal people are than with the subtle social factors that perpetuate differentials in a culture. So just as a matter of fact, your quasi-justification above for not caring doesn't stand up to objective reason. Of course, there are always people who simply don't care. There is no objective right/wrong, so I couldn't argue that you must.

        We're obviously not going to see eye-to-eye on this issue. So let's just civilly move on. Have a nice one.

        Chau.

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      • jamieawojo
        7 years ago

        I agree. The more I see on my television each day the more steadfast i become in my beliefs. I'm relieved to know I'm not alone. All i ever hear anymore is this pc bull shit. The media has brainwashed the public. Maybe I'm just a cold hearted bitch but I cannot force myself to feel sorry for these people. I am sick to death of hearing about my white privilege. I love that they can put that on me as their defense but can't dispute any statements I've made.
        I came from two drunks who had no business having kids, both parents died when i was young and left me with nothing and i was homeless at 14. I chose not to let that define me nor did i use it as an excuse to become lazy and ungrateful. In fact I made the decision early on that i would succeed despite the hand i was dealt. I made a choice not to whine and feel sorry for myself and blame my circumstances and use them as an excuse to be a fuck up.
        But i have so much white privilege? Give me a break. If blacks are so oppressed, then why are there those few that actually do become something? Ben Carson for example. I don't personally care for him but using him as a basis for argument, he came from a ghetto and some pretty shitty circumstances and rose above. So why can't there be others like him? Laziness is ingrained in them. Just as the gorillas at the zoo lay around all day and do nothing, it's the same behavior of blacks. If you gave the primates at the zoo guns, they'd shoot each other instead of throwing their shit..

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        • AB1234
          7 years ago

          Dude, in my entire time on IIN yours is the first comment in one of my own threads I've ever felt tempted to hide. "...in them"? Really? You have no objective proof to corroborate your slander, man. None. You're spitting opinions as if they were scientific facts. I'm not going to waste my time dismantling your unsound argument because (a) you obviously wouldn't revisit sincerely the holes in your argument even if someone showed them to you, and (b) I think reasonably intelligent people reading what you wrote will get just where and why you're statistically, historically, and biologically wrong.

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