Is it normal to question giving up your virginity?

Should I give up my virginity?

I'm a bi guy but luckly my family still accepts me.
I really love my boyfriend and I want to move on to the next step in our relationship, but I'm a virgin and I'm scared I'll regret losing it. Since I'm a baptised Christian and I don't want to disappoint my family values.
I was also raised to fear intercourse and to view it as a sin if it was conducted outside of a marriage. Even touching the genitals is viewed as a sin!
Even my sister was disowned when she did it at 16 my age, she's 17 now and lives with a cousin.

I almost did it with my boyfriend last week but I was too tense and he was too big to fit in me.
Because I was worrying too much about alot of stupid things, like "will he leave me after this?" or "will my family hate me and disown me like my big sister?"
He stopped trying when I started to bleed, now that was a really painful experience and made me fear losing my virginity even more.

Should I just go ahead with it and take a risk? And if I do, how do I relax if I try again with him?
I'm scared to even take my clothes off, I had to turn the lights off when I tried...

Just do it! (Getting disowned is nothing)	7
Maybe wait till marriage.	11
Other (comment)	9

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Comments ( 23 )

needhelp2016

7 years ago

You said that you were 'scared' of losing your virginity, that could mean you're not mentally prepared? Are you sure that you, yourself are ready? Once you're sure, then do it. Ignore what anyone else thinks :)

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  Yeah I'am scared to lose it, and now I'm also even more scared to try and lose it because of my painful experience earlier with my boyfriend.
  But I thought as it as irrational fear because of my upbringing in a Christian background, since they view it as a sin outside of marriage.
  
  But I still feel like I'll still fear it when I'm older because I have no experience and I feel awkward getting naked. I don't even change in the changing rooms in school for sports, I use the toilet cubicle.
  
  I don't know if I'm ready emotionally. But I really do love my boyfriend a lot.
  
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  - needhelp2016
    
    7 years ago
    
    I'm also a virgin, so from a sense I get where your coming from. Honestly, everyone is nervous the first time. I think it's great that you're boyfriend will wait until you are ready, he cares and that's what matters. I also have no experience, I relate to the feeling awkward while naked thing. Although i'm like this, I wouldn't be afraid of intercourse if I was sure I was ready and I loved the person. You're boyfriend will wait for you, so you just be yourself. Sex isn't the big thing is made out to be. Remember that the initial awkwardness is something that everyone experience
    
    It's easy for me to say it but don't care about what others think, you'll know when you're ready. The physical pain will be a downside, but if you're too nervous maybe you and your boyfriend could switch sides?
    Good luck and I hope you feel better soon:)
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      7 years ago
      
      Thank you.
      
      True maybe I'm falling too much into pressure of what should happen in a normal relationship.
      Yeah maybe I'll ask him that when the time comes.
      
      I'll wait then, I don't think I'm ready.
      
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noid

7 years ago

Yes, it's normal to have those questions

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Anonymous_9902

6 years ago

This is just my opinion but you should have your own beliefs do what you want because in the end your going g to be grown and your parents won't be around to look down on you sure you don't want to disappoint your parents but u don't want to sit around in life thinking about what you wish you would've done be yourself be who you want to be don't let other people make you. And if you don't entirely approve what you believe in or what your parents believe in study different religions explore the world do what you want.

-anonomous

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kellibean.no.1

7 years ago

Hun, the 2ND option doesn't make sense. If being gay is supposedly wrong period, getting married won't make a difference. So u have 3 other options: secret sex, coming out as bi, or since ur bi & not gay, just choose a girl! If u do it in secret, u may have to stay in secrecy forever & have ur family wonder why ur not married to someone yet & trust may be broken. If u come out, decide is ur family more important or a guy u may not even keep (as few relationships last)? If ur family would disown u, are THEY worth having forever? Ur easiest route is choosing a girl; otherwise, you must choose who you value the most.

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- kellibean.no.1
  
  7 years ago
  
  But maybe by waiting till marriage, you mean waiting for a girl & having a traditional marriage like ur family wants. If you choose tradition, you can try experimenting with a guy once or twice. You may find your feelings for a guy are actually just stirred by the Les/gay movement & the curious/us-against-the-world/forbidden love phenomenon & may not be truly bi. But I don't know you, so I can't be the judge here. Just go find out!
  
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  - Anonymous Post Author
    
    7 years ago
    
    My family accepts me as bi.
    And I can get married there are gay weddings at our church.
    
    My feelings are real love for my boyfriend. Yeah I don't support the LGBT community because of the useless perades they have. Instead of trying to solve real problems within the gay community.
    
    My family disowned my sister because she had sex when she was 16.
    But yeah think I'll wait till I'm married.
    
    In the end I have no idea who'll I'll end up marrying either a guy or girl.
    
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Dad

7 years ago

Viewed as a sin? According to christianity you are going to hell, I'd say leave the church and inform your parents they are also sinning by accepting you in their home, THEY should leave the church too.
It's basically every atheist's wish that christian parents have Bi or gay children, to show them the nonsense of christianity ridiculous sins idea.

Regarding your questions, obviously you need to wait or lube up more. Maybe ask your accepting father of the house.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  Yeah I know, but they think I'll end up with a girl in the end. And even if I don't, they're not so hard on sexualities, there's even a gay priest now. And most Christians don't follow all the commandments in the new testament of the bible.
  
  I don't really attend church anyway, I haven't gone for ages, but I pray sometimes and follow some rules to keep my family happy. I can't fully stop being Christian its going to lead to a lot of arguments, and I don't mind some aspects of it like praying.
  
  What do you mean by wait? Guess I need to use more then, I used a little when we tried.
  
  Yeah rather not talking to your parents about sex is already awkward enough, and he have no clue.
  
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  - Dad
    
    7 years ago
    
    Yes the principle of every single religion regarding sexual preference (or what you think about in your mind) is stated that you are sick and require fixing! Science has confirmed (very strongly without confusion) our sexual preference is determined before we are born, and is natural across all species tested (including humans) in a smaller percentage than 'straights'.
    
    Regarding keeping the peace at home, that's reasonable IF you feel these others are not accepting enough, in their lack of understanding. You didn't exactly ask for anyone's input on all this, but tests on praying versus guessing, guessing won, but I could have guessed that outcome to begin with.
    
    I said wait because of your youth and physical and emotional (and seemingly spiritual) immaturity.
    
    Regarding speaking to the 'man of the house', ok that was an intended joke, please don't speak to them about this unless your family is open plus (like nudists or free love activists :) ) In this case they are the opposite. By the way, although "most Christians don't follow all the commandments in the new testament of the bible" since of the 618 of them I think stoning your children to death for talking back is obviously ridiculous in our day and age! But I'm actually not aware of ANYTHING of value in this very old book written in the Middle east 2000+ years ago. Except possibly the Egyptian story of the Sun through the zodiac signs, we move from fish to aquarius in 2150, but its NOT the end of the world either.
    
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    - Dad_sucks
      
      7 years ago
      
      It is not every Aetheists wish that children are bi. It is YOUR wish because you like to stick your cock into children.
      
      It is NOT a fact that a sexual preference is determined before birth. It is a hypothesis that is still being tested. You wish it was a fact because your mind does not understand rigor. You want to be told what to think. Go think with your cock.
      
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      - Dad
        
        7 years ago
        
        We didn't remove the entirety of BS religion from public schools and the law on a hypothesis.
        Gay, lesbian, Bi whatever your preference = natural.
        
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      7 years ago
      
      Yeah a lot still think like that. And the bible says that. But my church and family decided to ignore it. While others protest against it and ban different sexualities, from their religion.
      
      Oh okay I understand now. Haha I'm spiritually immature too?
      
      Yeah but I'am overly emotional when it comes to it. So should I wait when I'm older to do it with my boyfriend(if he doesn't leave me because of this)? or until marriage. I feel like I'll never get over the fear, even in marrige, I think I'll still be scared because of inexperience and my painful experience of trying to do it before.
      I even wear a lot of full clothing, so going naked will still be difficult, since one Christian value of our family is to dress to be modest. I feel bad and ashamed because I remember our morals. Its really messing with my head and I don't want to develop a weird phobia to it.
      
      Haha same I just like reading about the end where it talks about armageddon. And some other stories with mythical things like angles and giants.
      
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      - Dad
        
        7 years ago
        
        I find it strange that you would still associate yourself with christianity, which is openly against the LGBT community, and even gender equality! Plus you also state your particular denomination decided to ignore one of these supposed gods laws. But each to their own I suppose.
        
        Regarding 'spiritually immature' (and I do note you are polite and well mannered). You bring up things such as religious morals and laws and religion itself, and I find these things to be without reason or evidence. I have therefore categorized you into the deluded pile, albeit with your free thinking church, that unlikely holds gay wedding ceremonies (has any yet?).
        
        Regarding your continual interest in this topic of should you wait OR even get married first. I have already stated you should wait until you are comfortable and feel secure and I assume this will be when you're older. Then you wrote something about twisted morals confusion you still have because of religion, I've gone over this a lot, I don't agree with any of those non substance morals.
        
        Your last line seems to make me feel that one day you'll see a lot more eye opening of the crazy myths of the church. Angels can't exist since they require a brain, science confirmed damage to our brain can even cause total personality and 'beliefs' changes in our personality, I'd suspect a dead brain would not have any personality in this mighty bread shop called christian heaven. Giants cannot exist due to the weight of their bones would literally break under the pressure, plus we haven't found any 'giant' bones of humans, you'd think they'd be most easiest to find. Armageddon fear mongering to christians from your common priest, is in 2 parts, the main part is this movement to the new 'age' away from Pisces the fish sign, the Egyptians already reported the age of the bull ending and so forth (I keep getting these next animals mixed up, because I actually hate zodiac rubbish, what if you were born in another solar system, which sign would that be?!!) Anyway, when these 'ages' moved to the next age the entire population didn't die!
        
        Luke 22:10
        And he said unto them, Behold, when ye are entered into the city, there shall a man meet you, bearing a pitcher of water; follow him into the house where he entereth in.
        
        Mark 14:13
        And he sendeth forth two of his disciples, and saith unto them, Go ye into the city, and there shall meet you a man bearing a pitcher of water: follow him.
        
        The bible is quite comprehensive in this entire Egyptian understanding. Ironically the Greeks and Egyptians were very close JUST before the bible came out, and 'jesus' himself was born on the SAME year we entered into the Pisces star formation (obviously as seen from mid to northern hemisphere OR the middle east! ;)
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        7 years ago
        
        Don't know, all I know is things keep changing and I was born into it, and no one in my little community has used it against me.
        Yeah bible says its a sin but same with lying so no ones innocent I guess.
        
        We have a reason for sex after marriage and also our other morals, we treat it as something special and also something shared between true lovers(some one you want to spend the rest of your life with.) Also heard a joke that HIV would disappear if everyone had sex after marriage and didn't cheat. Since everyone would be a virgin and sleep with a virgin. (Funny Christian joke, of course in reality the number would just be lowered, since HIV can be spread other ways too)
        
        And being kind to everyone is a strong moral with a strong reason, even if someone disrespects you just show them grace and give them space, no reason to waste your breath when you can save it and move on. Also helps people feeling down to feel happier when you show strangers kindness and respect.
        
        Not trying to argue with you, just want to live my life how I think I should and let others do the same with theirs. I don't bother to change someone else's opionion if it brings no harm.
        
        Yeah I agree. I feel like I'm not ready so I'll wait till I'm married. And feel like it be worth the wait anyway, then regret it now.
        
        Haha I don't belevie in them I just have an interest in mythology, barely any Christians in my church do. Closest you'll find is a person believing in ghost, heaven, hell and holy spirits (modern angle with no wings, kinda like blessings). But I hold no beliefs in them, but the placebo effect works with the holy spirit belief when they do healing prays strangely.
        
        Don't take Zodiacs serious either, they can be very inacurate , but fun to mess with.
        
        Think your confusing me with an old school Christian, all I do is carry morals that I think will benefit me as being a better (nicer, tolerant, stronger) person and believe in a possibility of something greater out there with more power than us. Not do, but just the possibility of something which my church calls god could create something, not like a being who controls our fate and watches us, but like greater and complex out of this world. What god? I believe in the possible. Until we humans work out the origin of the big bang my mind is open, and so was Einstein's.
        
        "I do not believe in a personal God and I have never denied this but have expressed it clearly. If something is in me which can be called religious then it is the unbounded admiration for the structure of the world so far as our science can reveal it. (Albert Einstein, 1954)" - Einsein
        
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        Beep_Beep
        
        7 years ago
        
        We want you at our Human Sacrifice party. Don't run away. It will be a special experience for you.
        
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Are You Normal?

Is it normal to question giving up your virginity?