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Is it normal to feel so bad that you don't deserve to eat, this is not the mental disorder of anorexia, because I don't give a shit about my looks. I just feel so damn terrible mentally, that not eating actually helps me feel better by shifting my thoughts to feeling terrible physically.
Of course it's not normal. I think this counts as an eating disorder. But don't take my word for it. Please talk to a doctor and see what they think. Please get help.
When I was 15, I starved myself, and it had nothing to do with weight loss. It was still an eating disorder. I still got very sick, and I could have died. It was horrible.
Don't let it happen to you.
I agree with other posters. I think this actually is anorexia. It also has a lot of similarities to cutting. People do this to turn emotional pain into physical pain.
OK I'm not sure if it's anorexia. But I can relate, what I do is I check my BMI and make sure I'm not doing it to the point I'm underweight. I also let myself spend extra money on food, so im never making the excuse to myself that I'm not eating to save money. I also try eating extra to prove to myself it has nothing to do with my body. For me I feel like I'm not very good at doing well, and that's why I develop habits I can control like not eating or staying up super late, or not showering. It's super irrational but does serve an emotional need. But it's important to remember that while it can feel empowering to not eat, taking care of ourselves regularly for us is the more challenging path and also the one that will lead us to be the best we can towards others. If we focus on today, we can be better to others if we are eating regularly, even if we don't feel we deserve to eat it actually is more selfish to not eat than it is to love ourselves like we're worth it so we can then bring the love to others but I'm sure you'll figure out a way
This is anorexia. Appearances is not the only reason an eating disorder develops, control over oneself or a notion of punishing oneself are also common themes.
You need to talk to a doctor or a therapist about this, it's unhealthy and you're walking down a very dangerous road right now. Whatever is troubling you, there is help out there, resources you can utilize and many amazing people who will care and want to help you. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.