Is it normal to not want to talk to your partner for a few days?

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16 Comments

I don't think it's right. My dude right now hasn't been speaking to me as much as he usually does for the past four days. First I kept sending him stuff and wouldn't get a response til later. Second day, nothing and I couldn't take it anymore and decided to send him something and we started talking at night. But if I hadn't send him anything, would he have contacted me at all? Then yesterday again didn't hear from him at all til like midnight which i think he figured I wasn't going to text him so he grew the balls and texted me. I wasn't going to text him again and not get a response like the other day. However, I decided to respond to him by confronting him cause hell no was I going to play along like nothings wrong. And we talked today and he just explained himself that he has been focusng on looking for a job which he has been yet still contacts me all day so whats the difference now? He says he looked at it as a regular day but he didn't realize it was not just yesterday. So it wasn't just a regular day. I don't think realizes that he's losing interest in wanting to talk to me. I feel like someone else is in the picture and I know who or just simply losing interest in me. But he says its not a big deal and I shouldn't worry because hes just been focusing on other things. Wtf? that means the same thing, he's just not as interested. He needs to come to me and prove his words that I shouldn't be worrying. It hurts so much because for the first time, I really love someone that I just can't seem to find the nerve to let him go. So I just wanna stop talking to him and let him chase me and wonder where I am, if he cares. I wish I can just tell him straight up that I am over his shit and if he doesn't wanna make the effort to make things a little better, then fuck it I'm done. But I can't seem to do that because I just don't want to lose him and at the end, I am just hurting myself even more by chasing him away. He's already long distance but just a drive away. But knowing he's far and I just let him go, it's not easy to go and take him back like if we were nearby each other. My mind is just telling me to leave but at the same time telling me to forgive him but I have so many times.And then of course my heart is just aching, holding me back from walking away. I kind of want to fast forward these days and know we're not talking anymore and that's it. But for right now, I'm hurting so bad.

Voting Results
50% Normal
Based on 28 votes (14 yes)
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Comments ( 16 )
  • kayleeberry101
    9 years ago

    Paragraphs...

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  • Lariii
    9 years ago

    I think, due to past and present experiences, that maybe you should accept and believe him when he says that he's just been busy. If a guy is stressed out a lot, he might not feel like texting because he has other worries on his mind, and is probably focusing on himself at the moment.

    I can understand that it's hurtful that he's not keeping in contact as much as he could be, however he is making the effort to text you eventually, and you should believe him and trust him.

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  • Blue_Velvet
    9 years ago

    "I feel like someone else is in the picture and I know who or just simply losing interest in me". You have trust issues.

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  • Zalenn
    9 years ago

    If a guy won't commit - you know what he wants. Plain and simple. Many people just want convenience. He and you seem to be clashing about what you guys want. I'm sure there are other factors at play, but that seems to be the obstacle.

    I'd say move on. The only time my boyfriend (of 4 years) doesn't text me is when he is alseep. NOBODY is too busy to check their phone/ text their SO.

    Mind you he seems like he just wants regular casual sex - so forget that. He's likely lost interest and found something more convenient. I'd say go do the same - if he cares and wants you, he will make it known. People who care about each other don't run away the second there is an issue.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      He's explained himself and said not to worry cause I have nothing to worry about. He just didn't think to text me but what's annoying is its more than one day. But he's tried to cheer me up and put a smile on my face so Idk if that means he cares and not letting go easily. But of course I don't want to just cheer I want him to understand where I'm coming from clearly then we can move on but it seems like he thinks he hasn't done anythig wrong

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      • (s)aint
        9 years ago

        I've been unofficial with a guy for about three months, been seeing him for four but the first month shouldn't really count tbh. The thought of being unofficial for a YEAR sounds horrible. I told him that I could agree to getting to know one another better until about January but after that he better be ready and willing to commit- If not I move on.
        (There's reasons why he want to take things slow, reasons I accept and understand)

        You have to be crystal clear with him about what you want and what you need, if you guys are with one another and only with one another why not commit?

        Me and "my" guy acts like a couple but I think the whole "official" thing scares him, but seeing how he cuddles and kisses me in public I'm nearly 100% fine with the situation as it is, but I did told him that my mind could switch at any moment and that he better be prepared for it.

        This said, a lot of guys wont commit if they are getting sex and closeness by a female without having to make her his girlfriend.

        It's sadly normal for two people to have different needs and whilst you would want to text frequently through the day he seems to not have the same opinion.

        One thing you gotta ask yourself is: Why not commit? You are obviously committed with your heart anyway and that, to me, is what would scare someone the most about a relationship.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          9 years ago

          The fourth statement you said is something I recently realized and made me really sad. Why would he make the extra effort to be with me officially if he is getting everything he wants already? Once I realized this, I told myself the next time I'm with him in person I'm going to tell him no more sex since I now do feel uncomfortable letting someone you really like just have me like that, it hurts. But to be perfectly honest, being in a relationship for me is just more effort and commitment and restrictions which all equals more stress. With that being said, it's not like I'm waiting for him to make me his gf because I don't want a real relationship yet either. So it's mutual but I think like u said, my heart is committed and I think it's more committed than his. His last gf was for a few years so he also takes them seriously. For him, I think making me his gf means introducing me to his family, making me his priority when he def doesn't have the time for that right now. So if we were together official, these factors would impact us even stronger and cause us to break up and more stress. When being less serious, ya we can walk away easily but it won't hurt as much.
          What are the reasons your guy doesn't make things official that you accept? If u don't mind sharing.

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          • (s)aint
            9 years ago

            In the past he went official far too soon, and things ended poorly. he's sick of giving his everything and ending up with nothing. And he have been dating unfaithful whores as well.
            So I get his point, he wants to get to know me properly and about two weeks ago he actually did told me that he would be willing to make me his BUT he wants to make sure that he can handle my sex-addiction. (I'm not unfaithful or anything, just needy)
            So after three rough weekends we seem to have sorted everything out and worked out a perfect compromise.
            (QUote) "Dont want to be with you just to have you dump me because you aren't getting enough sex"

            He also said that he fears i'm only in it for the sex, whilst I have been holding back on the romance a bit just because i didnt wan't to scare him off so xD But as said, we are getting there and I'm just waiting in line to go see a therapist for my behaviour as well.

            I think it's a good call for you to hold back on the sex, at least you will know if he's with you for that or if he wants more out of you.

            I seriously think that if two people love one another and have been dating for a year, get committed even though the time might not be ideal, it might save you both some stress and you would KNOW that he wants you. You can be in a less tight and committed relationship too, just sit down and set the boundaries and rules.

            IF he doesn't know if he wants you after a year he probably never will either ... :/

            Heck, I'm thinking I've been dating my guy for too long xD

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            • Anonymous Post Author
              9 years ago

              That's funny, I also have this affection/sex addiction. I don't think is serious but all I wanna do with him is cuddle and be affectionate. He has said no to sex before when I wanted to so I don't want him to think that thats all I want is sex and it also shows that he also won't just say yes to every offer so maybe it is more than sex. But that being said, it would be hard for me to tell him "no sex" because thats mostly what I wanna do with him but for my own respect, I should def let him know that its come down to that.

              Well in the beginning all we did was party and have sex, thats how we met, through a party. Then we eventually got closer and started doing couple things like go out to eat and stay in and watch movies rather than partying. But that's it, that was all year so there wasn't any progress throughout the year. The year feels almost like it was only 3 months. So what I'm trying to say is yea it might seem suspicious if it has been that long and we haven't committed but we haven't done anything big all year that would make it seem like we're making progress. I think the next "big" step was him visiting me since we're long distance and yes meeting my family. But I havent met his but they know about me.

              But yes I think it would feel so good to sit down and set the boundaries even if we're not official. One of the things I am lagging to tell him is idc if we're not together together, I don't want to share you with anybody else. So if he wants to be free to see/talk to others then he has to let me go. Although, girls aren't too big on his priority list, he can care less about goin out and meeting some, just in case I want to tell him that. His main priority is work.

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  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    Well your own fault for being a guy's plaything instead of his girlfriend. Make him commit or suffer the consequences.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      The reason why we haven't made it serious because we have other priorities right now like our jobs and the plan is to settle down first then we can make time for a relationship.we don't want factors like long distance or jobs or family to come in the way in a big way. So were keeping it low key but yes you're absolutely right, I'm suffering the consequences of not being official the most and it sucks. I just have hope that everything will work out like planned

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  • Zalenn
    9 years ago

    HUGE wall of text. Please paragraph for future notice. Also, please provide information as to the relationship. "My dude" sounds like a hook up. I'm going to assume you met over the Internet, live in different towns/cities which are a few hrs apart, and simply have little time to meet. I'm also going to assume you are relatively young.

    In all honestly, it sounds like you have become infatuated with the idea of him, and less with with him. It sounds emotionally based. I'm also assuming you are a woman.

    Have you guys met? slept together? dated? The post is vague.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      I know idk what to call him because he's not my bf but we've been seeing each other for over a year. And yes we met in person and were together in person but I moved and now were still unofficial but long distance.
      And ya of course its all about my emotions that's why I care so much. What else is it supposed to be based on ?
      Oh and were in our 20s but he's like five yes older than me so he's 27

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      • davesumba
        9 years ago

        Sounds to me like you all are simply in a situationship.

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