Is it normal to not want to continue friendship with a housemate from hell?

Last year a female friend (who I've a had a lot of ups and downs with over the 8 years I've known her) came to me in tears one night and asked if she could move in with me for 3 months, as she was having trouble with her housemate and was desperate to leave.

At the time I sensed there was some level of forced tears / fakeness going on but I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

I told her I was not looking for a housemate as I'd only just moved in to my new $600k place which I bought with my own money after 2 years living with others in a less than ideal situation. I also said I felt living together might affect our friendship. However, she practically begged me to let her stay.

Long story short, I agreed to let her stay.

But before long things started to go pear shaped:

1. The first couple of weeks were ok, and she'd pay for the room on time (which was cheap as I even let her decide the amount). Rent was due on Sunday but as the weeks went by she wasn't paying until tues, wed, then thurs or Friday, and even then only when I asked her.

2. I would cook using ingredients I paid for, 4 or 5 nights a week which I always offered to share with her. She would cook at the most one shared meal a week.

3. When it came time to pay for utilities, feeling generous, I suggested she could pay just one third of the total bill rather than one half (i.e $60 of a $180 bill).

However, she wasn't happy with this and said she only wanted to pay for half of the actual energy used, which was something ridiculous like $12 out of a $180 bill (as a lot of the bill was made up of service and supply costs).

I couldn't be bothered arguing with her over this and agreed just to avoid more conflict.

4. She thought it was ok to roll joints on my kitchen benchtop, leaving weed and tobacco crumbs on it and to smoke on my verandah. I asked her not to do this in my house. I don’t mind if people smoke dope at their place, but for my own reasons I don't want it in my new home.

She argued fiercely about this with me and even argued that marijuana is not a drug. I suggested if she felt that strongly about it, that she find a new house where people are ok with dope smoking.

5. About a month in she started dropping hints about having sex with her. It was tempting, but I refused her as I don’t find her at all attractive as a person, even though she is somewhat attractive physically.

6. She made suggestions about "pooling our resources" and one day buying a big house together in the country. This made me think she was a gold digger.

7. When she did finally leave, she asked me a week later if I could be 'moral support' for her to be there when her ex housemate dropped off her stuff at her new place.

Except she roped me into helping her move all the stuff into her new place which was up 2 flights of stairs. I stupidly agreed.

When it was done, she said that to thank me she'd invite me over for dinner that night as well as to meet a friend of hers. Except at the last minute she texted me saying it was cancelled, as it was all dependent on the other person and they were no longer coming...

All of this (and other things from our past) put together made me realise I can’t trust her, I feel she doesn't respect me and I feel she mistook my kindness for stupidity.

I've been out of touch with her now for 6 months and I don’t really want to continue the friendship. She has contacted me a few times but I don't want to see her.

What do people of is it normal think?

Would you continue a friendship with a person who treated you like this?

No. I would drop her like a hot potato. She's gone. 7
No. She doesn't respect you and sounds like a gold digger 4
I would talk to her and maybe rekindle the friendship. 0
I would continue the friendship. 0
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Comments ( 6 )
  • Ellenna

    And I thought I'd been a softy with shitty housemates in the past! You are far too nice and submissive for your own good - she's a leech, don't resume contact and in future, trust your instincts about people.

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    • Thanks for your response. I appreciate it.

      I think the reason for being a 'softy' with her is the previous long friendship. As well as the fact she was going through a rough time.

      If I count someone as my friend, there's not much I wouldn't do for them. But she pushed it too far. There are limits.

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      • Ellenna

        I've done the same sort of thing for the same reason: probably the stupidest was that I finally got an alcoholic ex-lover to move out and then a year later I let her move back into my house as a housemate because she said she was in AA and clean and sober. She was drunk when I went to help her move her stuff, abused me because I couldn't carry heavy things with a sprained wrist while she sat around smoking and I still let her move back in!

        It took months to get her out again and in the meantime she ripped me off financially, stole & hocked some of precious possessions, including a family heirloom, crashed her car while drunk and told the cops I'd been driving it & generally disrupted my life. Unfortunately bludgers like her and your "friend" can spot people like you and me a mile off, but I did learn a hard lesson from it and I'm nowhere near as gullible as I used to be.

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        • Yes Ellenna, I think you're absolutely right, 'they can spot people like you and me a mile off'.

          I too have learnt some lessons from it, one of them being that some so called 'friends' are all too quick to take advantage of my good nature and my kindness.

          However, the error they make is mistaking my kindness and generosity towards them for stupidity.

          They may think they are pulling the wool over my eyes, but in actual fact, not much gets past me even though I may not respond immediately or at all.

          In hindsight I thought she was manipulative, scheming and argumentative.

          I also think she thought that she could hook me in through having sex with her as I've been single for a while, then try to claim some of my assets down the track.

          That's my gut feeling about her.

          In future, I think I'll have housemates sign a contract!

          thanks!

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  • ReginaFalange

    "She doesn't respect you and sounds like a gold digger"
    You've been lucid enough as to write this as an answer. Get rid of her while your eyes are open!

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  • jr__

    Hot potato.

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