Is it normal to not want boyfriend to become a doctor?

53% Normal
17 Comments

My boyfriend of two years really wants to become a doctor. When I first met him, I was afraid of this because I know it takes so many years to even finish medical school and then there are so many years afterwards with experience needed in order to become a doctor. After a year of dating while he was finishing up his bachelor's, I told him of my fears and he said he understood and so, I actually persuaded him to pursue a master's over a PhD. I felt so horrible about this but I felt it was better for our relationship and financial situation.

I figured it would be 8+ years after his bachelor's was completed and that scared me to pieces because I really want to settle down and have children. Now that he's completed his bachelor's and master's which he was at the top of his class with all A's, his dream of becoming a doctor has resurfaced. He too wants children but I feel if he pursues medical school, because we're both in our mid-twenties, by the time he finishes, we won't be able to have kids. Because I currently have a disability, I don't work very much so I don't have the funds and barely make 20k a year and on top of that, I barely got time with him during his bachelor's or master's because he was constantly studying. If he goes to medical school, isn't our relationship going to be more distant because he will have to focus even more?

is it normal I don't want him to become a doctor? My cousin is a doctor and makes $320,000 a year but finally became a doctor at 36 and he's now 42 and told me he only now feels like a doctor because he feels it took a few years to get comfortable. Sure my cousin has a mansion now, a maid and a few fancy cars but he is wifeless.

What if it's the same for my boyfriend? I feel that's far too long. Because of my disability, I was hoping to get better and spend more time together with him but if he chooses to pursue medical school... I know it's a bit selfish of me but I haven't had much time with him as it is and he is constantly complaining about that too but he is also always talking about how great it would be to work in a hospital as a doctor as he's worked along side them and he seems to be completely inspired by them.

is it normal to think these things, to feel like I'd lose "us" if he pursued it or am I thinking incorrectly? Will he even have time for us in medical school? are there even breaks? sigh, I am afraid to research that as it gets me confused. I mean, I have been in a fairly low income situation for a while so it would be lovely for him to become a doctor so that he can help me afford going back to university to finish my psychology degree and we'd have the money to be able to do whatever we wanted but what about now..when we're younger? Is it normal to feel so confused? I honestly do want him to pursue it if he wants to but I don't at the same time. IIN?

Voting Results
53% Normal
Based on 17 votes (9 yes)
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Comments ( 17 )
  • Darkoil
    9 years ago

    Graduate medicine can be completed in 3 years.

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  • thegypsysailor
    9 years ago

    I think if he has let you decide his future, destroying his dreams and aspirations, one day he is going to wake up and then, chances are, he's going to be quite unhappy with you.
    This is pretty much one career path one cannot easily pick up later in life, so if he doesn't become a doctor now, then he probably won't.
    On the other hand, the level of commitment being a doctor takes is so intense, perhaps he just didn't have it in him and you gave him the excuse to chuck it away.
    Time will tell.

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  • rayb12
    9 years ago

    its ok to have these feelings, but you gotta let him be him
    like im sure you want him to let you be you

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  • RoseIsabella
    9 years ago

    What's this disablity of yours that makes you such a selfish, manipulative person? Maybe he should dump your sorry ass, go to medical school and find a woman who's his equal and is interested in pursuing her dreams and encouraging him to pursue his instead of manipulating and guilt tripping him like a frightened, entitled, insecure, little child!
    :-(
    Who the hell are you to try to dash his hopes at a medical career, because YOU lack patience?

    P.S. You're not a bit selfish, you're a VERY selfish person, and precisely the type of person who doesn't need a psychology degree, because you're too much of a manipulative person to be able to help anyone struggling with mental health problems. It's disgusting!

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    • flightlesskiwi
      9 years ago

      Sadly, manipulative people doing psychology degrees is quite common, even postgrad. I don't know whether the OP is one of these people, though, since I don't know enough about her. She could be a very lovely person for all I know.

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    • stopandthink
      9 years ago

      You're being far too quick to judge her.

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      • ilovetoiletrolls
        9 years ago

        I agree. She went all fire and pitchforks on the chick without knowing the details.

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        • RoseIsabella
          9 years ago

          Yeah, I guess I did, but if this boy were my son I would be much worse.

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          • jojo338955701
            9 years ago

            I actually think that this is reasonable. I mean, i think its best for her to let her boyfriend live his dreams but honestly i undertand where shes coming from. For a couple of years in high school i wanted to be a doctor but realized the same thing she did, that i wouldnt be able to start a family for a long time. And it definitely talked me out of it. Starting a family is a dream too.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      Well it all started with breast cancer I had at 19 while I was in university, had treatment for several years, finally got it all sorted about three years ago but I immediately after developed Fibromyalgia. I am sure you're aware what that is but if not, I'll just tell you that it's extremely painful and I only get 4 hours of sleep a night so it has made me suicidal several times but my therapist is helping me cope. I have been to about two dozen doctors and only now found one that seems like they'll help me get better. I guess that's because they're holistic so here's hoping. I know my coworker has it and tells me she only has issues now once a week while I get flare-ups that wake me up at night and make it extremely hard to get through my day. I can't even go grocery shopping because it's far too much pain for me, so peapod it is!

      I know it's selfish because I constantly feel horrible about this since the start of him telling me about his aspirations to be a doctor. We barely get time together as is as he is two hours away at his university so we only see each other a few times a month and we'll get more time together when he gets a break from school. We do skype every day for an hour but I just love him so much that I just look forward to being able to spend time together and I fear medical school will tear us apart. I guess this also stems from the fact I haven't had much time to enjoy life yet and meeting him felt like a silver lining.

      Because I'm the only child in my family and my parents divorced when I was 7, I was left living with my wheelchair bound Mother that I had to care for while she homeschooled me and I worked to help pay for things.

      So I don't know what to do and I suppose I just asked this to get an idea. I guess it isn't fair to him just because I had all these difficulties. I don't want to hold him back but I don't want to lose us, you know?

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      • RoseIsabella
        9 years ago

        I'm truly sorry for the hardships you have and continue to face. I honestly can't imagine having breast cancer at such a young age. I'm quite familiar with fibromyalgia as I myself live with depression, anxiety and myofascial pain. I know I came off all half cocked, but I was rather frustrated that you hadn't been initially forthcoming in regards to your disability which you appeared, in opinion, to use as an excuse to manipulate.

        However, despite all of the pain and heartbreak you have and continue to face it's not an excuse to ask someone else to forfeit his dreams. If you love this guy as much as you claim to please don't use your life struggles as a tool to guilt him into abandoning his chosen life occupation. Try to trust your fiancée, God and the Universe on this one. If it doesn't work out as painful as that would be then it would mean that it wasn't meant to be. Neither, you nor I or anyone is entitled to dictate to another that he or she should forget about their dreams for the sake of a so called relationship.

        How would you feel if he did everything your asking of him only to breakup many years down the line when he is unable to pursue medical school. How would you feel if he were to deeply resent you for the sacrifices you're expecting of him?

        I sacrificed a lot to marry someone who I eventually had to divorce do to his infidelity. I regret having made those sacrifices and I still resent him to this day. In all honesty I sometimes wish I had never met him. I wish I had followed my course of study, my dreams.

        Patience is a virtue!

        P.S. Have you tried Cymbalta? It's done wonders for my pain and depression.

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  • MangoTango
    9 years ago

    This is not normal, lol.

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    • Ace09
      9 years ago

      That is not normal,lol?
      Seriously?LOL????
      Where's the funny point that no one else can see?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

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  • dirtybirdy
    9 years ago

    You're despicable.

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  • flightlesskiwi
    9 years ago

    Wanting to spend more time with your boyfriend is very normal but he could end up blaming you since becoming a doctor seems so important to him.

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  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    you might have more time together but what if he's unhappy and blames you?

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  • kayleeberry101
    9 years ago

    Um, actually you're not wrong. Medical school is intense. My friend's brother went and he was engaged but they broke up and he has finished but he's so busy right now that I haven't seen him with a girl. So it's definitely a sacrifice, I get your point there.

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