Is it normal to not have talked to anyone about a traumatic experience? (long)

So, a while back I went through a pretty awful experience. The experience alone is probably worthy of seeking some serious therapy, but honestly it's not the event itself, rather the following week that makes me feel so awfully uncomfortable.

I'd like to stress that this question is about the events that followed, but in order to understand - I was in NYC and was raped by two street thugs. I wound up in a hospital, I only vaguely remember walking there. I was rather traumatized and as a defense mechanism I sort of blocked EVERYTHING out.

When I say "everything" I mean the rape, the trip to NYC, my name, my home, my number, my parents, my childhood - EVERYTHING. It all just shut down, I was in a sort of state of shock. The people at the hospital kept referring to me as "the individual" and casually threw around the word "rape kit" what felt like a hundred times. I felt extremely uncomfortable and confused.

I got a bracelet that said "Unknown White Female" and that's who I was for a week straight. For an entire week I had people getting extremely frustrated with me for not being able to name any contacts, or tell what happened to me. They called in the chief of police, a psychiatrist, a social worker... They gave me sodium amytal ("truth serum") and questioned me. Some people were aggressive and accusatory. Others were kind and attempted to help. I was very scared.

I can't really describe what it's like to know that you are a person with a name and a past, but to not be able to grasp at any of your memories. It's like trying to hold water. It felt very surreal. Thinking about it is surreal. Typing about it.

The true horror for me was not the two thugs, or the people I interacted with. It was being locked inside a single hospital room for a week straight not knowing who I was. I was not allowed outside for fresh air. I couldn't call anyone. I couldn't use the internet. I spent at most 30 minutes out of every 24 hour period talking with people, except the specialists they called in once every few days. I was left alone in a sterile prison with a TV playing endless repeats of NCIS and Law & Order SVU. And that was it.

Time lost meaning. When I was thirsty, I drank. When I was hungry, I ate. When I was tired, I slept. People put needles in me. I had an ECG attached to me. Mostly it was quiet, and alone. And I had no memories to accompany me.

I haven't told anyone what happened to this level of detail. Only bits and pieces before they get uncomfortable and start crying. Then I cry. I don't know HOW to talk to someone about it. I don't know WHO to talk to. I just... don't really know what to do about it. The more time that passes, the less people talk to me about it. But I don't think about it any less. Is this "normal" as much as normal could be for this situation?

(also, I normally indulge trolls to some degree, but on this one I'm just going to remove the posts, sorry. I'm looking for genuine replies)

Voting Results
83% Normal
Based on 18 votes (15 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • ygrowup

    Very understandable to be such as you are, but as time passes, more counseling could be of help, and even at some point in time a shoulder to lean on!

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  • frist

    Hi,
    What a devastating and traumatising experience. Most people who haven't experienced trauma think it's weird/can't bear it or hear about it/get freaked out/etc, and even some who have. Even when people want to relate to it and help many cannot.
    I agree that you need to find a good therapist who you feel you can trust. You can overcome trauma, even multiple traumas, but you will need to work at it. You can even find "gifts" in the "curse" of the trauma - it can tend to make you stronger eventually and at the same time more compassionate. Be well. Good luck for the journey. :-)

    PS Yes it IS normal to be traumatised by your experience and yes it IS normal not to talk about it.

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  • shinshins

    I'm so sorry you didn't deserve this

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  • Terence_the_viking

    If you are not already seeing someone that would be a good place to start.

    The fact that you told complete strangers of your ordeal is a step in the right direction i hope things work out in your favour.

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  • I'm sorry that happened to you. I think you should see a therapist. Find a good one you click with and don't settle for someone who might not be a good fit for you. They will guide you into what to talk about. It's okay if you cry. I've had panic attacks with a therapist just asking me how I'm doing. For me a therapist is the only person I can really talk to about my problems and them understand me. When I bring things up that are bothering me to people I know they just don't understand. They're caring, but they don't understand.

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  • Djtia

    I'm so sorry about all that's happened to you. Certainly sounds to me that you were 'punished' for not divulging who you are- when your mind has obviously suppressed those memories- the hospital should have known this, and treated you with the dignity and respect that you deserve.
    You should seek help from a great therapist who can talk this through with you.
    As for people talking to you about it less as time goes on - that's unfortunately normal. I have been told about a person's past experiences by them personally - which has been both shocking and heartbreaking to me - but it's not that I don't think about what's happened to them, it's just that I don't want to bring it up for fear of upsetting them. If they being it up, we will talk about it. Sometimes they talk and I just listen, because there's not a single thing I could say that makes it better - and I'm open about that. Don't think for a second that those closest to you don't think about it, I am sure they do, it's just that like me, they don't know how to bring it up/they don't know if you want to talk about it. If you bring it up, I am sure they will listen.
    Wishing you all the best.

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  • bendyfrendy

    Im so so so sorry you had to go through that. If yor really need to explain this to someone write them a letter. You didnt deserve any of what happened to you.

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  • Shackleford96

    I don't think that there is any type of clear definition for what a "normal" reaction would be for such a traumatic experience, so, yes. Your reaction to this is as normal a reaction as anybody else's would be I think. I am glad you are doing better though, and it's good that you finally came back and remembered things. That must have been very scary not knowing anything like that.

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