Is it normal to not get sexual pleasure when boyfriend consents to bondage?

41% Normal
28 Comments

For some reason when ever my boyfriend wants me to use the belts while going going down on him, I feel like he needs to be restrained more. More in the sense that I want him to wake up unaware of whats going on, not being able to move an inch, with a ahiny red ball gag so there can be no consent... I even ordered a custom fitted rubber suit for him that I will force him to wear... How do get this under control?

Voting Results
41% Normal
Based on 39 votes (16 yes)
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Comments ( 28 )
  • Redcoats
    8 years ago

    By definition, what you just described is rape.

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    • donteatstuffoffthesidewalk
      8 years ago

      womens cant commit rape

      the courts says so

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      • sillygirl77
        8 years ago

        This is most definitely rape. OP if this is real, you a disgusting excuse for a human being.

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        • donteatstuffoffthesidewalk
          8 years ago

          i were bein sarcastic

          sheesh aint yall peoples gots a sensa humor bout rape??....

          oh right i guesses not

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  • VSpnklvr
    8 years ago

    Just my opinion on this it's only rape if there isn't consent and the other person objects to the acts being performed. Female on male rape although happens typically isn't common because the male rarely objects to the sexual act being performed. I highly doubt your boyfriend will be thinking rape if you are going down on him. I never gave concent to my girlfriend but she would wake me up with a blowjob at times, never once did I think rape. If you are into bondage play then I don't think it would be any different.

    The ball gag is something that needs to be discussed before hand. Although ball gags are a lot of fun and a turn-on for me I have discovered they can become very uncomfortable as they make my jaw lock-up after a couple of minutes of use and becomes very uncomfortable to wear :(.

    Good luck forcing anyone into a rubber suit let alone a custom one. Custom suits typically have over 50 measurements (I know because I recently purchased one) and take a lot of care and time getting into. You literally have to either oil yourself up or coat you body and the inside of the suit in baby power to slip it on properly. There is no forcing here, it's a delicate process as they are expensive and not worth ripping or damaging.

    Bondage play is a lot a fun but needs to be discussed by both parties before hand. My experience is things should be tested and tried lightly before being brought into the full bondage routine. Start slowly and move you way up and always communicate beforehand.

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  • MasterOfWaffles
    8 years ago

    Do it!

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      No

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  • Ellenna
    8 years ago

    So you get no pleasure from dominating your bf when it's consensual, you want to up the ante to non-consensual activity?

    That's called rape and at the risk of offending advocates of BDSM, this is not uncommon: I speak from personal experience. It's only the very rare dom of either gender who doesn't become drunk with power and ignore or "not hear" safe words, which is very realistically portrayed in 50 Shades of Grey in spite of the dreadful writing.

    If you care about your BF you will not force him into any situation he doesn't consent to.

    If you genuinely can't control this urge, break up with him for his sake and get yourself some counselling for your sex addiction, which is very very common in the BDSM world - I mean the addiction, unfortunately not counselling for it.

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    • (s)aint
      8 years ago

      You should be a bit careful when it comes to judging such a large group of people. Are there moronic "Doms" that should not be in such a position?
      Of course.
      But there´s also sane and healthy people.

      I´m switch myself and the safety of the sub comes first. When I am with someone new I´m rather too gentle than too violent.

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      • Ellenna
        8 years ago

        I'm also switch, more sub than dom, but I haven't indulged in either for a while except in my phone sex work because quite frankly I got sick of the egotistical competitive bullshit I encountered far too often in the BDSM scene.

        I know there are sane & healthy people in the BDSM world, but there are also doms who say they're only into "safe, sane & consensual" because that's the right thing to say, when in fact in private the power goes to their heads and they take things much further than the sub has consented to. I've seen one highly respected dom run workshops where she emphasises that drugs of any kind are a total no-no before or during a scene when in fact she's been known to use amphetamines before partying.

        Of course 50 shades of Bullshit is a prime example of unsafe unethical BDSM and the popularity of both the book and the film worries me a lot, as I know it does plenty of people in the BDSM world who, like you, wouldn't dream of ignoring a safe word as the so-called "hero" does.

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        • (s)aint
          8 years ago

          ¨Likewise, I´ve not had too much experience of being Dominant. Mostly because I prefer to be with men and I dislike having men as submissive- It feels weird when we both know he´s stronger than what I am.

          I also agree with you, a lot of people seem to be into this lifestyle without a clue of how to play it safe.

          I was with a FwB for my first D/s experience and when I put my foot down regarding the involvements of other people (Not something I dislike, but in sexual situations I don´t think about safe sex so for my own safety I told him I wanted to have a break with those activities)
          So when he tried to convince me to continue I dropped him instantly, a real turn-off when people outside of the game tries to control.

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          • Ellenna
            8 years ago

            Far too many people think they're watching real sex when they're watching porn and this is particularly dangerous on the BDSM websites because the issue of consent is only very rarely mentioned.

            That's exactly the sort of thing that decided me to stay away from the BDSM scene: far too many doms get hooked on the control outside the scene and in my daily life I'm far from submissive so that just doesn't work for me - nor would I want to be a full time dom, too much like hard work!

            I also saw a couple of people close to me become seriously addicted to the whole scene, spending money they couldn't afford on the latest whips & chains & leather or latex outfits: just another extension of capitalist consumerism, hardly the revolutionary movement some people pretend it is.

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            • (s)aint
              8 years ago

              I think that it´s really hard to get everything you want from the same person. I´ve heard from more than one person that I actually do consent to mostly everything (My limit is when my health is in concern) this makes my craving rather big and wide.
              But it seems like the guys that would be able to give me sexually 200% what I want is ass-hats and hence not people I would want to be engaged with anyway.

              My past two sexual partners (Also boyfriends) has been a bit too less frequent with longer scenes than my general taste, but I pick that any day over being with someone that does not seem to respect the few boundaries that I actually have.

              Still working on trying to make my boyfriend understand that I can take it, but it´s reassuring to know that he cares.

              I´m the same, outside of it no one controls me- We are a team. If anything I am the one that craves the most control of things.

              it´s sort of silly to spend that amount of money on toys, I buy things cheap from ebay and some year ago I bought a really really nice horse-whip in black and red that really does look more like a fancy human-whip. FOr only 29 sek! Which is 3,5 USD if that´s easier to convert.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      :o thats scary that rape never came to mind when writing this!

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      • Ellenna
        8 years ago

        Where have you been that you don't know that sex without consent by anyone with anyone is rape? Did you think it wasn't rape because it's your gf? In fact most women are raped by someone they know

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          8 years ago

          A) I know its rape. It just some how didnt hit me as rape for some reason.
          B) I am a female (which may be why it didnt regester as rape right away).

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          • Ellenna
            8 years ago

            If you're doing domination/submission games with your bf you need to learn the basic rules: the first one of which is CONSENT and the second and third are also CONSENT AND CONSENT. Are you using safe words?

            Life isn't like 50 Shades of Grey, you know, where you can do anything you like to someone because it's supposedly a "romantic" relationship.

            If you share this fantasy with your bf and he's turned on by it, then that's fine, but it sounds to me as if you don't want consent from him because that's what turns you on, in which case you're both playing very dangerous games which can only end in disaster for him.

            Reverse the genders: what would you think of a male who wanted to impose sexual acts on a woman without her consent? Get it now?

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            • Anonymous Post Author
              8 years ago

              Considering he cant use safe words, we have a safe tune...
              I guess if I don't want to loose him or something worse than that, I probably should stick on the safe side.

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  • Arm0se
    8 years ago

    If you get him to agree to it, you can get him to sign some sort of contract so he can't sue if he decides to back out. Then surprise him on a later date!

    edit*

    Maybe you guys can try role playing.

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