Is it normal to not get over someone

38% Normal
16 Comments

Is it normal That I had an abusive boyfriend for 1 year and 8 months. We broke up about 9 months ago. I've had one boyfriend since and he's had two girlfriends. It doesn't matter what I do hookups, FWB, or even another relationship, it doesn't compare to what I felt with him. I have had to get a restraining order however so we cannot communicate. When it runs out should I try to talk to him?

Voting Results
38% Normal
Based on 8 votes (3 yes)
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Comments ( 16 )
  • gummy_jr
    8 years ago

    If you go back to an abusive boyfriend you are nuts! No one deserves to be in any relationship with abuse of any sort at all. I genuinely home you get over that pile of shit and find a guy that will love and never hurt you, and you do the same for him.

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    • gummy_jr
      8 years ago

      Hope**

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  • thegypsysailor
    8 years ago

    bugsforbreakfast is absolutely right. If you go back, you deserve every single bit of abuse you get.
    You are ruining every other relationship yourself, because you don't believe you deserve better than your ex. You are wrong, but you won't listen to anybody. You have convinced yourself that maybe the bad times weren't nearly as bad as you remember and the good times were much better than they really were.
    If you can't do it on your own, get professional help, but do not, under any circumstances go back to that guy. Don't even talk to him.

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  • [Old Memory]
    8 years ago

    That is fucking stupid. I knew a girl who went back to her abusive boyfriend and its the same situation. If you think he will change, the harsh truth is that you are a moron. To an abuser, no one is more deserving of abuse than a willing victim. Remember that when you contemplate going back and realize nobody is going to sympathize with someone who is self destructive. Have some fucking self respect.

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    • kingofcarrotflowers
      8 years ago

      Quite often it's not a matter of just self respect, the psychology of staying in abusive relationship can be incredibly complicated, saying have some fucking self respect can be like telling someone in a state of deep depression to just cheer the fuck up

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      • [Old Memory]
        8 years ago

        I really dont know how to respond to these things helpfully, so I just say what I think.
        Honestly I think people who tolerate abuse are just as bad as abusers. What if they have kids? What about situations where people have to stand up for what is right? Someone who stands for nothing only encourages the problem.
        I really will never understand. I am much to self centered to sympathize with peoples self destruction nor do I have tolerance for it.

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        • Ellenna
          8 years ago

          Self-centred is right, you said it. How can a victim be as bad as a perpetrator?

          If you know your comments are unhelpful why do you make them? Having fun putting someone down who's already in the depths?

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          • [Old Memory]
            8 years ago

            You seem to think I am implying the victim is always guilty, which I am not.

            I said I am self centered in that I do not understand anyone other than myself. Most of what humans do appears as randomness to me. They don't seem to make much sense.

            I think I am being helpful in explaining the situation in a way that makes sense to me.

            The victim is not always guilty, but they are when they allow the problem to happen.
            If a child is in the situation and is abused by one parent and the other parent knows, but does nothing to stop it, they are equally guilty.

            Tolerating negative behavior is no different than encouraging it.

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            • Ellenna
              8 years ago

              So victims are as guilty as perpetrators if they allow the problem to happen? How does this apply to women who are raped or bashed by someone stronger than them or children abused in any way by an adult?

              There's a HUGE difference between being a perpetrator and being someone who has no choice but to be a victim of it.

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        • [Old Memory]
          8 years ago

          I realize it is harsh, but OP needs a reality check.

          What you tolerate you encourage.

          If someone is acting badly they need to be told no and have consequences or they will learn to believe it is ok.
          This inevidibly hurts all people in the situation including the abuser because acting that way is unacceptable and most people will not put up with their bullshit.

          Also most cases of child abuse involve 2 types of people. The abuser and the person who allows the abuse.
          If you get with an abusive person please get yourself fixed or you are no different than they are.

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  • JD777
    8 years ago

    Sad to say this isn't abnormal, especially for women. I just can't understand why so many women are somehow attracted back into bad relationships and go through the cycles of "love him, scared of him." Some of them get badly physically abused. Therapy could help break the cycle for you. Hope things get better for you.

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  • dirtybirdy
    8 years ago

    How about you just focus on yourself for a while, huh? Everything you've tried involves a man or whatevs n shit. Good grief.

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  • misskittymeow
    8 years ago

    You can't call yourself a victim if you're a volunteer. It's sad that he still has that kind of hold on you. You got the restraining order for a reason. Please don't go back...

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  • chained_rage
    8 years ago

    Stockholm syndrome?

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  • Short4Words
    8 years ago

    Are you trying to correct it?

    Are you hoping if you go back he'll find a reason not to hurt you this time?

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