Is it normal to not care that my "father" died

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11 Comments

A little over a year ago my "father" died. It wasn't so simple as he just died, however. He was standing at the sink right outside my bedroom door, washing his hands, when he had a heart attack. I had heard the sound he made when this happened once before, heard his head hit the wall and opened my door just in time to watch him fall. He hit the ground and began to clench his chest and gasp for air. For the first time in my life I watched someone die right before my eyes and felt absolutely nothing at all. I'm the type who can't see someone else bleed without freaking out, I get über queasy and sort fo' sick to the stomach seeing another person bleed profusely. But I watched my "father" lie there; twitching, bleeding profusely from the place where his head hit the wall, gasping every five to seven seconds for any breath his body would let him take(I was counting for the 9-1-1 operator on the phone) and die. I would like to know if this is normal, as I was what my friends called an overly emotional person at the time. I enjoy "chick flicks" and get teary at those first kiss scenes and happy endings or when someone in the film dies. Hell, I cried in FFVII when Sephiroth killed Aerith, in Crisis Core when Zack died(saddest FF ending in my opinion) and in FFX, when Tidus starts to disappear and Yuna falls through him as she tries to run into his arms(only second saddest FF ending in my opinion because he actually comes back in two-ish years and they get married and such). Also, I cry almost every time I listen to the soundtrack version of "1000 Words" from FFX-2 and even Koda Kumi's English and Japanese versions, because you can always feel that moment when Lenne and Shuyin embrace, you can see that defiant look Shuyin gives the Bevelle guards, the sad, apologetic, loving look on their faces as they silently acknowledge their love. You can hear the guard fire and see Lenne and Shuyin as they fall, hit the ground, look at one another as they die, their hands are just inches apart and that single tear that falls from Lenne's eye. Man, it's sad as hell.. Easily the saddest FF scene of all time. Go look it up(just type "FFX-2 1000 Words") and watch the video, see for yourself. The song just fits it so well(as the time period Lenne and Shuyin are from is 1000 years in the past). For any confused parties FF is short for Final Fantasy, great games. So, yeah, I cry during "chick flicks" and when fictional video game characters die, but not when my "father" died right before my eyes. Even now I feel nothing for him. So, again I ask, is this normal?

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36% Normal
Based on 56 votes (20 yes)
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Comments ( 11 )
  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago | pl

    You put "father" in paraenthsis as if you don't really feel he is your father. If you didn't really like him because he was abusive then it is probably normal to not feel anything. You sure rambled a lot about final fantasy games slightly off topic as well.

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    • Maere
      9 years ago

      Exactly what I was thinking.

      To the OP: If he were abusive, your feelings are normal.

      If he wasn't abusive, your feelings may still be normal - sometimes people can't face the tremendous pain of losing someone they're close to, ESPECIALLY if they were there when they died, so just shut down. Grief is such an individual thing.

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  • lolol555
    9 years ago | pl

    Stopped reading as soon as you began typing out whatever the fuck happened in those chick flicks.
    Not necessary.

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  • donteatstuffoffthesidewalk
    9 years ago

    is this post bout yalls empathy for family or bout listin what faggy cartoons yall punks watchin nowadays?

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  • RoseIsabella
    9 years ago

    Well, what of relationship do you have with your father?

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  • EccentricWeird
    9 years ago

    ...when my father died, because my mother called me on the phone and she said, uh, you know, your dad died, and this was exactly two months before a contest. She says, do you come home to the funeral I said no. It's too late, you know, he's dead, there's nothing to be done, and um... I'm sorry, I can't come you know. And I didn't explain to her really the reasons why, you know, I had other excuses to her because how do you explain a mother whose husband died, you know, your trip! I didn't bother with it. And, uh, that actually caused one of the greatest conflicts with, uh, with my girlfriend, because she just looked at me and she said it doesn't bother you? I mean, you know, your father died, and I never talk about it again.

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  • PulvisEtUmbra
    9 years ago

    I apologize if it seemed like I rambled, I suppose I went too in depth in an effort to show the fact that I am over emotional over insignificant, fictional things and not my "father". Also, I meant to explain the quotes, but clearly rambled so much I forgot. I put the quotes around "father" because I was adopted at five months of age. Still, he was the only father I had ever known. As for our relationship, he did abuse me when we were children, but I never hated him for it, nor did I ever hold it against him. He was a Vietnam veteran and had PTSD, as well as a minor Napoleon complex. That, factored in with the fact that he chose to single me out over my "brother" and "sister"(his blood children) actually made me glad. I didn't mind, at all. We actually got along rather well despite that, though we didn't maintain constant contact after I turned 13 and moved out. And no, he did not drink or do drugs. Only smoked. So, I feel I should have felt or, by now, feel something from losing him. I've no reason, as far as I'm concerned, not to.

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    • bleach_baby
      9 years ago

      It sounds to me like you had a complicated relationship with your father and that you're still in shock and traumatised by what you witnessed. I'd have a chat with a bereavement councilor for help processing your grief. Strange reactions to grief including shutting down emotionally are normal, if not usually portrayed in popular culture.

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      • kelseyt
        9 years ago

        bleach_baby's right.

        People sometimes react in unexpected ways when they go through hard shit. Death is especially hard to deal with, and it sounded to me like you were doing depersonalization: shutting down your emotional response because the situation was too intense.

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  • la_uva_mojada
    9 years ago

    Must have been tweeked out playing x box and got side tracked here when u wrote this post.

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  • PulvisEtUmbra
    9 years ago

    I had considered that, actually. I took college at night while I was in high school to be more prepared for post graduation, one being thanatology, the study of death and dying. We went over every aspect of the process from the three sides. Our teacher is a bereavement councilor, among other things, so I went to speak with her and she had said the same was a possibilty. She also said, knowing me as she did, it seemed unlikely that was the case and recommended I see a friend of hers who didn't know me. After a few "tests" he said there was no way I was internalizing or shutting down, but that I was literally not feeling a single thing for my "father" and that "...such absence of emotion is unnatural." He had continued to the point that I should just forget it, in so many words. The purpose of my asking others was to get multiple takes on the situation and decide whether I should or not based on those responses.

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