Is it normal to not be able to tell the difference between love and friendship?

67% Normal
3 Comments

I am a very loving person and I get really close to my friends, but I usually get feelings for them, even though I might not want to become sexual or have a relationship or anything like that. It's hard for me to not develop feelings because I care about my friends a lot, and it's really hard for me to distinguish what's a really close friendship and what could be more than that. Even when I'm in a relationship I still get feelings for people. It scares me though, and sometimes I prefer to not have friends than to deal with my feelings.

Voting Results
67% Normal
Based on 6 votes (4 yes)
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Comments ( 3 )
  • GoraIntoDesiGals
    10 years ago

    You can't tell whether you feel affection or desire?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      It's complicated.

      I'm very affectionate and I tend to express my feelings physically. For example, if I like someone, I tend to want to be close to them, hug/cuddle them, etc. And it's with everyone, not just people I'm attracted to. I had a best friend in high school who I was really close with although I didn't have any romantic feelings for her at all. I used to stroke her hair and look into her eyes and tell her she was beautiful and I meant it...I didn't think this was romantic behavior, but turns out she was bi and she thought I was coming onto her the entire time. It was really sad because I had to reject her and tell her that I could never love her that way. I realized that I had been treating her like a lover the entire time...

      With guys it's different because there's attraction involved...and while I do want to do the same things, there's always some sort of physical tension which confuses me and makes me wonder if my feelings are more than just friendly. I also don't want them to think I'm leading them on. :( Even though I'd want to hug/cuddle/kiss them sometimes, most of the time I wouldn't want to have sex with them or have a long-term relationship with them which makes me feel like it's friendship rather than love...but even without those things, it's still couple behavior and my feelings are ambiguous at best.

      I know I could mostly avoid this if I had female friends instead, but I don't actually get along with girls all that well. I rarely find one I have much in common with...and I'm really picky with my friends, so if I like someone enough to have as a friend they're probably good enough to be my lover too. But it's not fair to my friends who would have feelings for me and would feel like they're in a weird type of friendzone where I don't even know if I like them back. :(

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      • ObsessedWithReedus
        10 years ago

        Ok i just read through all this, and it's hard to pick out what is what.

        To be honest, I can't really give you an exact answer, but I can tell you it's normal. It's good that you have developed such deep and meaningful feelings for your friends, guys and girls alike, but the problem is, as you said, they could think that you are coming onto them and leading them on. Also, if the person is a straight female, they may be a bit disgusted, and that would result in the loss of a friend.

        My advice would be don't get too touchy with them until you know you are both on the same page.

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