Is it normal to love your adult children even though they hate you?

96% Normal
31 Comments

I have two sons who grew to hate me after I divorced their mother remarried and moved out of state. They say i abandoned them even though I begged them to come with me and begged them to visit.

I haven't seen or spoken to them in 9 years, they even refused to look at me or acknowledged my presence at my mother's funeral. However I still dream about them all the time as young children and end up waking up in tears. They have no idea how much I hurt inside having missed the latter half of their childhood and having them feel this way towards me.

Voting Results
96% Normal
Based on 25 votes (24 yes)
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Comments ( 31 )
  • Shiroyasha
    7 years ago

    In this type of stories I will ALWAYS side with the children. Kids are not stupid, they know when a parent has been absent, if they resent you so much there must be a reason. I'm trying to be objective here, but my father himself did many bad things to our family, yet, he keeps saying exactly what you are in this post, that he loves us all and doesn't understand why we ignore him.

    I assume that the mom probably indoctrinated them into hating you to a certain extent, but let me tell you, that does not work when a parent is present. From another comment you wrote I now know that you moved away when they were going through puberty!! Probably the moment a child needs their father the most.

    I don't know what you can do. Maybe give them some money from college as an excuse to reconnect or something. But mostly, try to accept in yourself the mistakes you have made (I'm sure there must be some) and also accept the consequences as an adult man!

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    • IMissMary
      7 years ago

      I agree, give them money, that will make them love you again....works everytime

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  • polkadotbikini
    7 years ago

    so sorry this happened to you.I can't imagine doing this to my kids or my husband unless he was pedofile or an ax murderer..This happened to my friend. her ex wont let her see her kids and she is too broke to do anything about it.We tried to help her but it did no good, because the ex is a big shot. It is totally backfiring on her stupid ex husband. The daughter is almost old enough she can see her mom and the daughter is very resentful that she was lied to about why she was not allowed to them.

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  • Raquel000
    7 years ago

    Yes it is normal to feel this way toward one's own children
    Sorry for this
    Kids like those who make me question my desire to become a mother one day

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    7 years ago

    Thank you all for your comments. Just writing this down helped me to step back and look at everything from a new perspective. I feel good being the best father any dad could be, I raised them for as long as I could and tried to be in their life for as long as they would accept me. I payed the all important child support and even went to jail when I was not able to work and got behind. Whats done is done, I'm moving on with my life and burying them in the past.

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    • IMissMary
      7 years ago

      Bravo!!!

      Good for you!!

      Move on and get those ungrateful bastards out of your mind.

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  • IMissMary
    7 years ago

    Basically kids are spoiled, self centered brats who think the world revolves around them. Kids are too ungrateful and much much over rated.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      7 years ago

      Yeah I'm starting to think that way

      Like I said they are grown now so really its no use for me dragging on about this, I need to move on and leave the past dead.

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  • RoseIsabella
    7 years ago

    Of course you still love them! They're your babies aren't they?

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  • TruthWoman123
    7 years ago

    There has to be a reason that you got a divorce with your ex wife and if they don't want to stay in contact with you that's their fault because there's always forgiveness in this world you just have to deal with a heavy situation sometimes. That's just life

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      7 years ago

      My mother and father divorced. I never saw it as something to forgive him about. I called him, I walked to his house to see him and even asked him to meet me on my way to school because my mother hated him and would not let him come to the house. Even when he bought over food, cloths etc for us she would throw them away. My father never made a effort to see his kids, he lived his own life doing his own thing, it would be months or even years sometimes when I didn't see or talk to him....BUT when I did it was no animosity or hatred, it just picked up right where it left off.

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  • NathanScot
    7 years ago

    No offence but your sons sound like cunts.

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    • Ellenna
      7 years ago

      He left them, didn't he? And he's not taking responsibility for the effect that has on children

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      • bittermayonnaise
        7 years ago

        Shit's not that simple Ellenna.

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      • Anonymous Post Author
        7 years ago

        Let me guess, you are a single parent and your babies daddy does not spend time with his kid...likely because you won't let him, want more child support so you want his time to be less and/or you want emotional support from one or both families.

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        • Ellenna
          7 years ago

          My "baby" is aged 44 and her "daddy" has been dead since she was 13.

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          • RoseIsabella
            7 years ago

            Bravo!

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  • riffraffy
    7 years ago

    I feel for any man divorced who has his kids taken from him. You can't risk the hope that one day they'll find the maturity to reach out to you again. You have to take the initiative.

    Unfortunately for most sons they don't truly respect their fathers until they have kids of their own. It's worth it to be patient and to keep trying.

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    • Ellenna
      7 years ago

      Read the post again: they weren't "taken from him", he left their mother, moved interstate and remarried. Now he's putting the responsibility for that on to his sons: maybe he should've thought of that in the first place before he put his new wife before his boys.

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      • Anonymous Post Author
        7 years ago

        Let me clear some things up.

        Me and their mother divorced and we got shared physical custody [they lived with BOTH of us for at least 9 years]. The youngest was 3 when we divorced and was 12 when I moved out of state. I raised and shared life with them for all their childhood until they reached teenage years[oldest was 14 and youngest was 12] when I left the state. They both lived with me and their stepmother for half the year for 9 years before we left the state.

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        • Ellenna
          7 years ago

          That contradicts your original post.

          I suggest you ask them what's going on and then listen.

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          • Anonymous Post Author
            7 years ago

            What contradicts?

            Show a contradiction PLEASE

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            • Ellenna
              7 years ago

              Your original post said you remarried, moved interstate and begged the boys to visit you, implying this didn't happen.

              Now you're saying something completely different, that there was contact until they were 12 and 14: not good ages for their father to move far away and it appears ask them to leave their mother to live with you and their stepmother.

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      • riffraffy
        7 years ago

        Not going to debate semantics: fact is he was unable to see, raise and share in the life of his boys. Maybe you think he should've suffered himself and his family through a bad marriage. Can't think that's anything but naive.

        Divorce is ideally a process where two adults can agree to separate while they both remain in the lives of their kids. Unfortunately fathers are routinely shafted.

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        • Ellenna
          7 years ago

          I don't think any such thing, but parental separation can be managed in a way which doesn't result in one parent moving to another state with a new partner. I guess that would make him "unable" to share in the life of his boys, but was he abducted interstate at gunpoint? He's the adult, he made the choices and now he's whingeing about the consequences.

          Unfortunately, fathers often leave children when they leave partners and then complain they're estranged from their children.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          7 years ago

          I think this Ellenna person jumped to conclusions and probably is the type that thinks all men are alike. I've seen many of that type. As my post states below I raised my sons in joint physical custody for many years before I left the state. In fact they lived with me and my wife [their step mother] for a good 9 years. Their step mother treated them 10 times better than their own mother. She completely accepted them and loved and nurtured them, even going as so far as setting up a college fund for both of them by herself.

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