Is it normal to love two pple differently?

82% Normal
8 Comments

I love my ex for being there for me as truly a best friend. Because our relationship was deeper than just bf and gf, we remain friends after a lot of working out tho of course. We hang out every other month you know keeping it lowkey but we like each others company. When I got with him, I remember after our sec date. I went back home and listened to music as usual and I just felt like this whole new world just opened the doors for me. I never felt that way before but it felt so enlightening. It was kind of a "wow I never knew someone could like me this much." Eventually it grew to love and friendship but we broke up because at the end of the day, we were different people w different interests so we weren't compatible.

My sec love, which is happening now, is um just something remarkable. Although my last bf made me feel good and comfortable, I still had my guard up. With this one, all walls have fallen down and not just him but everyone that knows me has seen a different side of me that's more forgiving as a result of being vulnerable. In a way, I thought love was how I felt with my ex until I met my current guy. Its crazy cause I remember I told myself I wanted my next bf to tell me NO, discipline me and make me swallow my pride and I got it. I used to not hesitate to walk away. But that's cause my heart was never really awake until I met this guy. I'm so vulnerable for him and I don't forgive him easily when he upsets me but I know I eventually will because Im more patient w him and don't want to lose him. I see this future with him and my gut tells me we belong together.

I feel like I loved my ex for being there for me but I love this guy because I just love him! or more like in love with him. That's the thing, you can be a great guy but that chemistry isn't there which is what friend-zoned guys don't understand and are left wondering whats wrong with them. Absolutely nothing is except you're out of luck and haven't found the girl you have chemistry with.

I guess I have loved two different ways but I do believe the current one is more risky cause my heart is finally involved 100% and I can get heartbroken for the first time. Is one more real love than the other? Or they're just two different loves? For me, I truly think my current one is more real so he could be my first real love.

Voting Results
82% Normal
Based on 11 votes (9 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    This sounds similar to my last relationship where I was like the first guy you described.
    I have learned there are different kinds of love for most people, but I dont really get it. I think people over complicate emotions when they should be more simple. Im not sure that this "chemistry" subject is that I hear people talk about. Emotions are only confusing and frusterating for me.
    I see people talk about being "vulnerable" as being a good thing, but I disagree. I see nothing good about being vulnerable. You may as well go live with terrorists if you aren't going to look out for yourself.
    Either way you need to decide what you want, but if you do choose to go back to you ex, I recommend not doing it until later in your life when you are more emotionally mature.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      I guess you haven't felt that sec type of love yet where you're vulnerable for someone. I was like you before my sec one. I always felt confident or thought I was until this realness consumed me. Its truly a beautiful thing. You feel more alive. Its not about always protecting yourself, you have to take sacrifices to grow our of your comfort zone and grow. I definitely have after my sec one. It's like in the career field, how are you gonna be successful when you don't challenge yourself? Youre always gonna be stagnant. Vulnerability is a challenge but it's a chance for you to grow as a human being. Until you have someone get in touch with your heart, you're gonna have this perception of being vulnerable as a bad thing. You'll see. There are cases where its bad but when you find someone youre willing to sacrifice for cause your heart is calling them, its a beautifil thing. As a person who was not full of ego but more of pride and to have my walls knocked down, I feel pretty good. He has my heart where the first one didn't.
      Oh and I dont plan on going back with my ex. Were just not compatible. I'm not gonna be with someone just cause they're nice to me. Feelings have to be present and when they are, Ill go all the way for him but since theyre not, i dont feel like going out of my way for him. My sec one does.

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      • [Old Memory]
        9 years ago

        I dont get why you would want to feel vulerable. People who allow themselves to be that way are exactly who abusive people like to target because it is easy to take advantage of peoples weaknesses. You never hear of a proud and confidant person being a victim in an abusive relationship. By the way I am not at all judging either guy in your story. This is a seperate topic I am discussing about letting yourself be emotionally weak. People who let their guard down are a perfect canidate to trick and abuse and nobody feels bad for them because they only did it to themselves.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          9 years ago

          Its not that I WANT to feel vulnerable, its that I naturally become vulnerable. Like I said, maybe you haven't experienced that kind of love and when you do, you'll get what I'm saying. Being vulnerable is different from being weak or easy. I think when you're okay to be vulnerable with that person, thats when its a good thing. But being easy and thrown at anybody can't be good in any way. So there's a difference. When I say being vulnerable is a challenge, yeah it can be because of what you said, that person might take advantage of it. But because you're okay being vulnerable to that person because you love them, its all worth it. Its up to you to not be so afraid to experience it to allow yourself to grow.
          You're never gonna get anywhere if you don't let your guard down and if you think you are, then just know you're missing out on something more real.

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          • KeepsakeDoll
            9 years ago

            Ahem, excuse me, just gonna butt in to say not everyone becomes vulnerable when in love.
            I think those who are more tuned in with emotions tend to be the ones who do become vulnerable, though. That can be considered good or bad depending on if their love is a delusional one.

            Anyway, there's different forms of love so that's normal. Think the forms were lust, platonic, family, and romantic.
            As for your let your guard down comment, just be careful with that. When you're in a happy and healthy relationship then it's natural to do that. However, if there ever comes a sign of something bad - like a gut feeling - then don't ignore that feeling and be weary.

            Basically, know when to put your guard back up. Other than that, congrats on your new happiness.

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  • dumpling
    9 years ago

    Pumpkin I think what your feeling is completely normal. You have loved two different people in two different ways and thats ok. Your love for the second guy is more open because your real true and all of your feelings are involved which in turn makes you more vulnerable. Verses the first guy you couldn't have or show your vulnerability. Because not your whole feelings were not involved. Just curious have you guys said I love you yet or has he told you that?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      No we haven't. I've been wanting to tell him since like the day we met lol but that would've scared him off. However, I think its appropriate if I tell him now but I wish I can tell him in person but we wont see each other for a while cause of the holidays. And I'm going to talk to him on the phone tonight about everything and I just wanna tell him already so he knows why I'm always fighting for us. If he doesn't say it back to me, I honestly won't feel bad . I'll feel bad if he tells me just to tell me.

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  • WhiteStallion
    9 years ago

    Just choose one already :P

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