Is it normal to look at my bf like this?

So it seems like my relationship is sadly ending. Of course I don't want it to but it seems like its the right thing to do right now, although I still think we can make it. However, the reason why its so hard is cause he is the love of my life, I love him so much and thinking about the memories and the future I had planned just makes cry a river. Even though, he did give me a hard time every now and then, he was worth it. But anyways, because it seems like were just not working out as a couple, I will always love him and have this huge crush on him so in other words, Ill always be there for him not just emotionally but physically. He makes me vulnerable and if he's not gonna be my bf well I want him in some way so lets just say we end up being friends with benefits, well then I guess so be it. Well maybe not but Im not sure how to explain it but lets just say we were talking in person and then we suddenly start acting like a couple or suddenly start flirting and have sex, then I'm going to go with it because first of all, itll be hard to resist, and sec, of course I would want to have him in some way. I know it makes me look easy but whatever. Its not like we're going to be serious in a relationship. Its almost like I'm flirting around with my crush because thats basically what it is. Even if we were bf and gf, he is my crush and I just was lucky enough to go out with him so he remains as my crush and I'll just be there at any shot I get with him.