Is it normal to like someone only in their presence (out of sight out of mind)?

65% Normal
6 Comments

It is a pattern in my relationships, to like or love someone while I am with them, but then on my own I have some time to think and conclude that I am not interested, don't like them, or even hate them; sometimes I want to break up or stop dating at that point. But when I see/spend time with them again, after a short while (and sometimes hurting them with my distance) I fall for them again.

It is not physical attraction (not just, at least), as in at least once case we didn't see one another.

Is it normal? Why do I keep hurting people like this and be so indecisive myself? Am I Borderline or Narcissistic or something?

Voting Results
65% Normal
Based on 20 votes (13 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • kingofcarrotflowers
    8 years ago

    I've had the opposite, remember someone I haven't seen in a while and think to myself, they're great why don't we speak more often, then inevitably when we meet up I remember that they're obnoxious and a little racist, then sure again a while later, " hmm, they're pretty cool why don't we see each other more " and the cycle goes on, But I've never had that

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  • Freedom_
    8 years ago

    I can be that way sometimes, but there have had people that I thought about plenty while not in their presence. It could just be the simple fact that you're not that into them, despite wanting to be. Or maybe physical vicinity, or lack of, is key. Exposure often builds affection, which is why relationships often form in the workplace unexpectedly.

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    • Freedom_
      8 years ago

      I thought about this over washing the dishes, OP, and I was wondering if you ever try to kind of force yourself to think about the person, and if so how does that affect you? I have done that before, and ended up faking myself into liking a couple people more than I actually did, which is why I said you might just not be that into them.

      I also considered that it could be some type of defense mechanism, such as not wanting to think about someone who might not be thinking about you, which is reassured while you're with them.

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      • WhyIsBlackWhite
        8 years ago

        Hmm, yes it could be that I am forcing myself to like them more than I do. As for defence mechanism, I thought it could be Black and White thinking, but it doesn't quite fit. It seems that when I am more emotional I like them, when more stoic (thinking, less feeling) I dislike. Maybe it is a right-left brain conflict?

        What is disturbing is that the changes can be extreme! From liking/loving (not idealisation, but viewing them as a very likeable peer) to contempt and annoyance (that they are below me and pitiable).

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  • breathingtree
    8 years ago

    I feel that way about cheesecake, except cheesecake never misses me when I avoid it.

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    • chained_rage
      8 years ago

      Cheesecake never asks silly questions. Cheesecake understands :)

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