Is it normal to legitimately feel not good enough for someone?

82% Normal

I dont feel like I have anything to offer to my bf. He's smart, he's confident, he's secure, etc. He even makes me feel like Im not good enough and I dont blame him. It's kind of intimidating because even though I am confident in my own things, I dont think theyre good enough for him. He's just too good of person already and I'm still figuring things out. You know they say to be with someone who makes life better and easier. They also say be with someone who encourages you and wont give up on you. Well I am def the latter, and he should know that. Im always there for him, always giving him advice, never giving up on him. But as for actually helping him out or enlighten him with real good advice from personal experience, I dont have that. But as for me, he makes my life better and he tries to support me and give me positive feedback. So I feel set with him. The thing is does he feel set with me? I doubt it and don't blame him. I mean he knows everything and has most things figured out. I guess a miracle woman would have to teach him something he doesn't know. What doesn't help is he loves to learn so whenever he has a chance to broaden his horizons he takes it. Unfortunately, he doesn't learn much with me. I literally dont have anything to offer to him and it sucks. Is this a bad thing? or he should accept it and love me no matter what? Even then, I would love for him to look for me for some things. I mean I guess he can but hes not interested in the things Im educated about and yet, Im interested in the things hes interested in. I dont know how to improve or solve this.

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82% Normal

Based on 11 votes (9 yes)

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Comments ( 10 )

theseeker

7 years ago

I think it's normal to feel that way. No one is perfect. Everyone has insecurities, but for men we don't like to show weakness or to look vulnerable because we believe that part of being a man is being confident and in control. It seems like he has trouble opening up. Maybe this is something you can help him with?

"Unfortunately, he doesn't learn much with me. I literally dont have anything to offer to him and it sucks." I don't believe that's true because everybody is unique in their own way and has their own insight on things, so you can learn something from just about anybody. It's not right if he looks down on you, but rather he should be willing to accept you for who you are.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  Im not sure how to help with opening up. I have tried helping him by being patient when I talk to him but I dont think he appreciates it. However, he has pointed out how I am good at holding conversations while he acknowledges hes not the best person to have talks with. But I dont think he realizes Im also being patient with him because Im helping him to open up.
  
  I mean thats the best thing that can happen, is if he just accepts me for who I am without trying to be better for him. But not sure if that can happen.
  
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riffraffy

7 years ago

Consider what qualities made you attracted to him in the first place. Aren't they the same ones causing you to be insecure now?

The last thing a high value man wants is a girl to 'teach' him anything. Be supportive, be feminine and be charming. If your presence has a positive effect on his life, he'll keep you.

And just to note, I think this relationship is a good one. Especially if you are able to stop comparing your strengths to his.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  Yeah I have realized that I need to be okay with myself because thats who he fell for in the beginning. I think I just simply got intimidated by him the more we got to know each other and it consumed me to the point where I lacked confidence and he saw that. I feel like now that he sees my flaws, I can't go back and be confident anymore cause itll look fake so its like Im stuck.
  
  Well like I said on my post, he does like to learn new things. Every time someone teaches him something new, he's so into it. I wish I can bring that to him but I don't know what I can bring to the table.
  
  Thanks well I guess Ill just keep supporting him and if hes a good guy, he needs to appreciate me for it, not shed more light on my flaws.
  
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laylaashton

7 years ago

You need to understand everyone has insecurities. It's honestly normal to feel that way, but it's not okay. You shouldn't be with someone if they don't make you feel good about yourself. Try not to worry so much, it seems like you have anxiety and you're just overthinking things. Focus on trying to be more confident. It's not easy, but literally just pretend you're confident and it rubs off.

After a while of me thinking i'm a piece of shit, I just acted like I was the shit. I shrugged off any negative comments to myself and now I don't even care about anything. Just be yourself and if anyone doesn't like it, just who cares?? because eventually you'll find someone who will reassure you 100% you are good enough. It's all about who you're around.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  I need to learn to "fake it til you make it" without feeling like I'm being delusional. Sometimes I am pretending to be confident but then I feel like Im just in my own world and not in touch with reality.
  
  I know I can find someone who will be impressed by me like I am with my bf, but thats not enough for me to be with that person. I need to actually like them/love them like with my bf. However, it does get tiring how I dont feel good enough for him. Sometimes he looks down on me, telling me "you dont know how to do _____" or "you're not very good at _____" I have confronted him about this and he responded saying he doesn't look down on me and just stood quiet. So sometimes you do things you dont mean to do so maybe he doesn't even notice hes looking down on me but we def have to have more conversations about this so he knows hes actually doing this. Just cause he doesnt mean to doesn't mean its not happening. If he cares, he needs to appreciate me for me. It'll feel amazing to feel good enough for someone again.
  
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TrustMeImLying

7 years ago

Have you talked to him about this?

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  Very briefly. I finally gained the courage to point it out to him when he made another comment like "you're not really good at _____" I told him sorry I can't do it to your expectations, you're always looking down me. And he said no he doesn't and nothing more. So I guess he just doesn't notice he looks down on me. But that was it as for talking to him about it. I know we need to talk about it more like in a real conversation but I guess I dont know how to do it confidently, not like in a "poor me" kind of way or else Ill be shedding light on my insecurities and thats always a turn off especially to a guy and especially to a really confident guy
  
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  - TrustMeImLying
    
    7 years ago
    
    How can you say shedding light on your insecurities is -always- a turn off to a confident/guy? Everyone's different. I assure you there are super confident guys out there for whom confident women are a turn off because it's an ego clash or whatever. For me, a girl who's confident, is able to have her own opinion, stands up for herself, is incredibly sexy but all that is worth nothing if she is not grounded/courageous enough to admit or talk about her insecurities/flaws. But again, that is just my preference and not something someone needs to live upto.
    
    I seem to have a bit in common with your bf so I'll give you some insight. I'm a bit of a perfectionist so sometimes I treat others the same way and urge them to improve themselves in various ways, which often results in pointing out what they're lacking in or need to work towards instead of acknowledging what they're already good at. Your post makes me realize I need to make a conscious effort to do the latter, because I certainly do appreciate people, just not out loud. Maybe he's the same way?
    
    Also, there are two contradicting statements in your original post. Don't you think if he truly wanted to broaden his horizons he would be interested in the things you're educated about? I say this because I myself am absolutely obsessed with learning and I don't discount nor dismiss any field of study, because you may never know if a concept in X subject allows you to view Y subject in a completely new light. For all you know, the reason he might be reluctant to learn more from you is because he's insecure that you know more about it than him. Not very many men out there can handle a woman being better than them at anything, mind you.
    
    I understand it hurts not feeling needed or appreciated it any relationship, but you shouldn't ever feel like you need to live upto someone's standards nor feel apologetic if you can't.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      7 years ago
      
      He's also a perfectionist and whenever I dont know something, he tries to enlighten me but he does it like in an impatient way that makes me feel like hes looking down on me. It would be different if he tried helping me in a more patient and open way without being intimidating and offensive.
      
      Well maybe that is something to consider. I didn't think that was a possibility. He might be intimidated by me knowing so much of a certain subject and he acts like whatever about it because he doesn't want to come off as clueless. But since he is open about liking to learn now things, shouldn't he be open about learning whatever I know? not shrug it off.
      
      The best thing that can happen is if he appreciates me for who I am without me trying to be better for him. He does make me want to be a better person in a positive way but it has taken a toll on my self-esteem unfortunately.
      
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Are You Normal?

Is it normal to legitimately feel not good enough for someone?