Is it normal to have a dude hit you up by preaching polygamy?

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22 Comments

I was at a dorm party this past weekend and this upperclassman started chatting me up. We have a lot of the same interests and we spent a lot of time talking about our futures. Then it happened.

It became clear he wanted to date. I mean the kid was pushing hard for it. But then he dropped a bombshell. He asked me if I believed in open relationships. WTF?? I was non-judgmental, but he went on and on and on about how humans aren't meant to be monogamous, how sex with the same person becomes boring after a dozen times or so, how seeing many other people actually does a relationship good.

Is this something new--guys hitting up girls by being up front about their interests in dating and sexing up many different girls at once? I don't have any moral judgement, but I feel like a freak sometimes being into old-fashion monogamy.

What are your experiences?

Voting Results
25% Normal
Based on 28 votes (7 yes)
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Comments ( 22 )
  • BlackyHancock
    7 years ago

    This is a common ploy by some guys to get more girls into bed, by challenging them on 'open mindedness", and how 'humans aren't meant to be monogamous' (maybe, but who says? - at the end of a day it's just an opinion).

    Blah blah blah. Then he'll brag about the details of what he did to you to all his buddies.

    Don't fall for it girl. You'll just get used for meaningless sex by this sleazy dude.

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    • AB1234
      7 years ago

      Nice! Thanks for being up front!

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  • Tempest-au
    7 years ago

    Having been in a "polyamorous" relationship (actively bisexual wife) which at one point had a definite "polygamous" feel to it (we were basically living with a mutual friend/love interest), my personal opinion is monogamy is a hell of a lot easier.

    Not that I'm saying polyamory can't work, but to do so it either needs an absence of emotional involvement (which makes "polyamory" actually a misnomer), or a balanced and significant emotional involvement - which is like trying to balance on a tightrope.

    It sounds like the guy was trying to, very politely, say "Look, I would really like to fuck you senseless, but I don't want any sort of relationship".

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    • RoseIsabella
      7 years ago

      I could never be poly anythang. I feel like if people claim they "love" more than one person it ain't love.

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    • AB1234
      7 years ago

      Thanks for the insight. Even in high school I realized most guys really would rather just roll about and then part. I'm proudest about my love of solitude. So I don't lust after having relationships, or about missing out on them because I'm not up for a string of happy times.

      I do see what you mean about polyamory and an absence of emotional involvement, though. I know I couldn't do that, so realize it's not for me...

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      • Tempest-au
        7 years ago

        I've only "recently" learned to enjoy being alone. Granted, the sex isn't as good, but the rest of my life is much more relaxing.

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        • AB1234
          7 years ago

          HA! "...the sex isn't as good..." Rich, that! One of my girlfriends showed me an order form online for artificial vaginas. I mean, they make EVERYthing nowadays, so I bet solo-sex is getting more and more gratifying. ;)

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  • _Jesus_
    7 years ago

    Well obviously his method worked because he got you thinking about it/him and even posting a question about it/him on a forum

    To answer your question: He wants to use you and throw you away when he is done. So don't fall for his sleezy ass.

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    • AB1234
      7 years ago

      I hadn't thought about it that way. You're right. I did talk to my friends about it--and everyone agrees with you guys here. "Sleezy."

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      • _Jesus_
        7 years ago

        You don't need any of what he has to offer anyway.

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  • mysistersshadow
    7 years ago

    Its more common than you might think and at least he was upfront about it you wouldn't want to get emotionally involved and then find out that would be a rude surprise.

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    • AB1234
      7 years ago

      Yeah, you're right. It's much, much better for people to be up-front about their needs so everybody's on the same page ... about (possibly) not being on the same page. ;)

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      • mysistersshadow
        7 years ago

        Some guys especially the younger ones try to use it as a way to just get laid alot and a excuse to cheat. A real poly relationship done right is fair and equitable to everyone and not abusive at all.

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  • RoseIsabella
    7 years ago

    I think it would sound better, and less douchey if he said he wanted something no strings attached.

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    • AB1234
      7 years ago

      For SURE! You should have heard this kid. I was dumbfounded when he got to the anti-monogamy thing because he seemed to really, really be into me. But then again, I guess that's what guys call "having game." I'm not a romantic at heart so don't think about stuff like that, but I'm beginning to see how many women fall for guys' games very, very hard.

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      • RoseIsabella
        7 years ago

        Right on, chica!

        True confession: I was dating this guy that I really liked almost ten years ago, and for whatever reason we decided to try Ecstasy. Well after he had been dancing naked in my yard he comes to me with arms outstretched and a big smile saying, "I'd be open to an open marriage". Talk about a fucking buzz kill! That was a big red stop sign saying that he was the wrong guy for me and the right gal for him would most likely be my polar opposite, a polyamorous non animal lover; gag me with one of my cat's majestically steaming turds!

        *plays Better Off Alone by Alice DJ*
        https://youtu.be/Lgs9QUtWc3M
        https://youtu.be/lHjNmyzrVvM

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        • AB1234
          7 years ago

          Whaaaaaaaa? For real? You know what? When I'd just turned a teenager my dad told me, "Never trust a guy who doesn't drink." I guess when people get drunk or high, then tend to become a lot less guarded about how they really feel. Not to sound like a total airhead, but E makes you really horny, no? Did you feel MORE of yourself on it? So do you think he was feeling MORE himself when he asked?

          Marriage. I can't imagine a stormier prospect today. I won't even LIVE with a guy because one of my parents' friends lived with his girlfriend for ONLY eight years, and when they broke up she took him to court and got a lot of his stuff... I think you're smart, sticking with the cats. You get both affection and space, but they never try to take everything you've worked for--and they never sneak in STIs into your home!

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          • RoseIsabella
            7 years ago

            When I was on Ecstasy at one point I had a feeling like a enormous flower blossoming in my heart, however after he shared his ideas and intentions on polyamory those ecstatic feelings left me.

            Thanks for your support on my ideas about cats, emotional independence and relationships, but I'm afraid you may have given me too much credit as I'm actually moving I with my boyfriend in Houston, Texas in a week. I'm pretty anxious, but hopeful. It's sorta scary and surreal too. I just hope that if it doesn't work out I'll manage to keep my head on straight.

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            • AB1234
              7 years ago

              OMG, you tricked me!! Ha-ha. JK. I hope it works out for you both. It always makes me happy when people find other people to care for them--and to care about. I may not be the relationship type, but I do like hearing about happy relationships.

              Hey, if you ever need someone to watch your cats so you guys can go on a parents' holiday, I'm game!

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  • Alpha_AF
    7 years ago

    The dude hasn't even fucked you yet and he's already future fucking other people. Does it matter if it's normal? The question is do you want a dude playing minesweeper with your vagina?

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    • AB1234
      7 years ago

      "...playing minesweeper with your vagina"--I'm sooooo using that line. Thanks!! :) No, I don't. I am just wondering if guys are becoming more up front about wanting exclusively sex. I appreciate the honesty since it lets you know if someone fits with you or not.

      Thanks for the awesome line!!

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