Is it normal to hate "stay at home moms"?

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Last time I posted this it got deleted, which considering what actually gets moderated on this site, was probably due to a bunch of lazy stay at home parents flagging my post.

So I'll ask again, I know a couple of girls that are facebook friends who had babies and now call themselves "stay at home moms" when their kids are old enough to be in school, the problem is that they never had jobs before they had kids and lived off support from boyfriends and family. Now that they have dumb kids they use this as like the end-all excuse to why they dont have to work or really do much of anything when their kids are in school and so really all there is to do is watch dumb tv.

I'm not like jealous cause they don't have to get a job or anything but these people seem to develop some kind of martyr type attitude because that idiot Dr. Phil says they have the "hardest job in the world" and Its annoying to listen to people with insanely easy lives complaining how hard they have it.

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Based on 54 votes (27 yes)

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Comments ( 57 )

donteatstuffoffthesidewalk

7 years ago

well its obvious that dr phils panderin to his audience aint it?

it aint worth gittin frothed up over

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CorruptedSoul

7 years ago

As a stay at home dad... It's their business not yours, hater lmao

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- sillygirl77
  
  7 years ago
  
  People form opinions on things whether it's their business or not... it's human nature I'm thinking.
  
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  Im not a hater until people start complaining how their jobless life is hardest in the world.
  
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wigz

7 years ago

I've done work+house/child care, work+spouse did (some) house/child care and stay at home mom. They all have their pros and cons and which one is 'right' varies by the individual and their partner.

In my opinion, working and doing little to nothing around the house is the easiest. Way easier than taking care of the house and kids full time. Yeah, you're at work for 8 hours but you get to stop working...and while a SAHP might not be actively working for 8 hours straight, it's a 24/7 job where you don't get to ever fully stop or have a day off. On top of that, it's a largely thankless job and too many people think it's so easy and don't realize how much work actually goes into it. I also think people underestimate how valuable it can be for a child to have a parent that's always there. Even after children go to school, having a parent wake you up and send you off and then be there when you're home is great. Why should that be done by some babysitter or day care program? And isn't it funny that somehow it's reasonable to PAY someone to watch your children while you work but yet when you watch your own children it's worthless? You can say the same about all things SAHP's do. Maids get paid, personal assistants get paid, accountants, chefs and waiters, etc, even the floofy stuff like event planners and decorators get paid for their services and we recognize those things as 'real jobs' yet when a stay at home parent does all of those things suddenly they have no value?

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- charli.m
  
  7 years ago
  
  This.
  
  My work is, basically, to be a part time stay at home parent. Admittedly, there will be some deadshits who do fuck all all day, but looking after kids and running a household is hard work. I only do ten to eleven hours a day and it's tiring. Parents don't get to go home at the end if the day. Most parents I've worked for consider their paid work as a "break" from their home "work".
  
  I was thinking when I first read this...a stay at home parent of a school age child still "works" with the kids from say, 6/7am til school tome, does shopping, cooking, housework, laundry, anything needed for school before the kids come home say 3:30/4 and then they "work" with them til bedtime - say 7/8. So call that two hours before school, minimum two hours during school hours and three hours after school...that's still 7hrs of work, and we haven't even factored in night times - either regular or when kids are sick.
  
  Prior to school age...not only do most stay at home mothers go through carrying the little fuckers inside them for nine months (usually not a walk in the park, but some better than others), go through the pain of labour and recovery (possibly serious surgical recovery), then have to work 24/7 for five years...
  
  So...five years is...1826 days, with one leap year. Say they get the equivalent of one day "off" a week for whatever reasons - someone else is doing all their work or whatever. That's 260 days - lets be generous and call it 300, just to make my point even stronger.
  
  So they work 24/7 for 1526 days in five years. Let's even round down to 1500, whatever.
  
  Let's be extra generous and say they only work...18hrs a day. Let's also pretend broken sleep doesn't adversely affect you.
  
  18hrs for 1500 days...is...27000 hours. Or the equivalent of 540 50hour work weeks. Say someone works 50 weeks a year...to work that many hours, they would need to work 10.8 years. Stay at home parents have that squished into five. And I was being incredibly generous and under estimating the actual time they put in.
  
  Almost eleven years of a heavy work week in a regular job, of being NEEDED constantly. People who aren't around kids don't understand how needy they are.
  
  Sorry for the long post at you. I know you get all of this.
  
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  Taking care of other peoples kids is a job because you make money and dont just live off someone else's income. Stay at home parent is easier than going to a place to do a job. Pluss most of the time you're taking care of many kids unless you're a full time nanny in which case the wife of the family is probably rich and unemployed as well.
  
  Not worthless, its just not a job
  
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  - wigz
    
    7 years ago
    
    SOMEONE has to watch the kids. Its value is equal to what you'd pay in daycare, not to mention the value in having a parent who is always there. Daycare is super expensive so in order to justify the expense you have to make enough money to make it worthwhile and factor in the cost of your (BOTH parents) absence for a significant chunk of your child's life. Bear in mind also that at least one parent needs to have a VERY flexible job to allow for missed days due to the child being ill, days school is closed, hours that match up with the operating hours of daycare/school. Employment options are severely limited for most. For many people, having one parent stay at home is the smartest solution, for many it's the ONLY viable solution. And...some people simply don't believe in having kids only to dump them into someone else's care regardless of how much money they do or don't make. What right do you have to judge any of this? Do you know everyone's finances, job availability, and personal beliefs? Who the fuck are you to claim someone is 'living off' of their partner? You must not realize that in most cases the situation is agreed upon based on the personal preferences and particulars of these couples.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      7 years ago
      
      It is agreed upon in situations where a female who does not want a job finds a sucker who will support her financially. Happens in reverse in the case of stay at home dads. Sending kids to school isn't "dumping" them, its called having kids that have actual social skills unlike ones unfortunate enough to have parents who are constantly around. Public school is free so once the kid is like 4 there's no excuse for one partner to sit at home and watch Dr. phil tell her how hard her life is.
      
      Also, stay at home dads are generally considered bums who dont work so why do women get a pass on this?
      
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      - wigz
        
        7 years ago
        
        You are extremely immature, inexperienced, ignorant and hateful.
        
        I have already answered your points but you do not seem to get it or are blinded so much by your bias and hateful feelings that you won't get it. I'm all for having a discussion but you apparently aren't.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        7 years ago
        
        I understand your points, the points made by a person to excuse why somehow cleaning their own mess qualifies as a job so they don't have to actually leave the house to work. Contributing a useless baby to an overcrowded world is not an accomplishment.
        
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Rihyae

7 years ago

Yeah, it's not a fucking job.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  That's all Im saying! Cleaning up your own house isn't a job!
  
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  - wigz
    
    7 years ago
    
    So, what about doing your own car repairs? Home maintenence? Lawn work? It's all stuff that needs to be done and you can either do it yourself or pay someone to do it. Why is it more valuable if someone else does it instead of you? If you do it yourself it saves you $, and the $ it saves you is the same as income. It's money that stays in your pocket.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      7 years ago
      
      Fixing your own car and hose is called "taking care of yourself" and this is not a job. It's not more valuable if somebody else does but a jobless person fixing their own car and house is still a jobless person.
      
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      - wigz
        
        7 years ago
        
        It's ADDED VALUE. Not everyone can do, or feels it worth it to do such things. But it must be done. Do you ever outsource any of your responsibilities? Or do you know how to do everything AND have the time to do it?
        
        Why do you think having ANY job outside the home is more valuable than taking care of things for yourself? Do you not realize the obstacles to employment here? The cost of daycare/sitters? The effect of both parents getting wiped out from working...the toll that takes on them, the children and the housework?
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        7 years ago
        
        Okay, think of it this way. People are capable of taking care of varying amounts of issues and responsibilities in their lives. Some people are good with cars, some people are not. The people who are not will outsource the work of fixing the car because they do not know how or don't have the time to do it themselves.
        
        Either way, the person fixing their own car probably also has a job they use to make money, even if it is also a job working on cars. You don't get to be unemployed, change your own oil, and call yourself a "stay at home auto mechanic"
        
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Ellenna

7 years ago

Obviously you've never been a stay at home parent of either gender, so you have no idea how much work is involved.

You do realise you're hating an entire group of people because TWO people you know are in your opinion lazy.

Grow up and get your own life and stop putting your energy into criticising others.

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RoseIsabella

7 years ago

Why do you care so much? Just let it be. You don't care for or relate to that stuff, and that's fine. Don't waste too much time obsessing over how much the whole stay at home mom thing annoys you. I don't think it's a bad thing to be a stay at home mom, but I don't need people inundating me with how wonderful they think their life choices are either. Maybe you need to distance yourself from these friends and spend less time on Facebook?

I remember about 17 years ago a dear friend nagging me all time about my life. We had grown up and met in the same big metropolitan city, but at the the time I was living out of state. I was following my dream and working in radio broadcasting in a medium to small market, and she was living in a big city as a full time working mom of two. She would nag me about how I had to get my life together and essentially move back to the big city, take a hum drum 9 to 5 job, then have some kids. Don't get me wrong, I love living in a large metropolitan area, but at the time the issue was whether or not my husband and I could get jobs in our fields in such a place. It's not that I didn't necessarily want kids either, but I wanted it in my time, and on my terms. I was working part-time in my field of study and had a fair amount of spare time on my hands so honestly I suspect she may have been jealous of me or trying to justify her life choices to herself by projecting her stuff onto me.

I think on a certain level I would have been fine being a stay at home mom as long as I could at least work part time in my field, but first I wanted to strive towards full-time status, and see how far I could take my dreams at least.

Well, I'm glad I didn't listen to her! I eventually found myself wanting to have kids with my then husband, but about a year later after suffering two major deaths in our family I discovered he was cheating on me with this awful woman from his work. Just like that our marriage and my hopes of children went poof like a fart in the wind. We separated, I hired a lawyer, filed for divorce and ended up moving across country to a city I hated to be near family. Sure, it wasn't easy, and may very well have not been the best choice for me, but I least I did it on my own terms. Divorce and infidelity are not uncommon to say the least, but I honestly don't think I'm the kind of person who would enjoy being a single mother, because I'm not so attached to the idea of having children and responsibility that I would ever want to do so at all costs like some women do. So like I said before I'm really glad I didn't listen to my dear, bossy, nagging and most likely codependent friend.

To be honest I wonder if the stay at home moms who are annoying you so much on Facebook maybe make such a big deal about what they're doing, because they're trying to justify their life choices to themselves. I do rather agree with Dr Phil, because I think it's a very hard job as it was my own mother's job, but I don't think it's for everyone. My mom was and still is the opposite of lazy and she works her ass off cooking, cleaning, doing all the housework, yard work and all the shopping. My dad never had to lift a finger in the house, but he worked his ass off too with a full-time job at the post office, a part time job at a local TV station and the Army Reserve. Those were my parents' choices and I'm grateful for them, but I dunno if I could do the same. I think the full-time housewife and mother gig can be just as hard or easy as one makes it depending on how industrious or lazy that person is.

I guess I'm wondering if part of your annoyance with these Facebook friends may be with whether or not you feel pressured from them to adopt the same lifestyle or not. God knows I certainly felt pressured. Hell, my friend outright told me to adopt a similar lifestyle to hers, because she claimed it would be fun for us to do it all together. I wonder if there is a setting on Facebook where you can put the posts of these friends kinda in the background or if you can ignore them for a while at least? I don't really do social media, because I feel like it can be too emotionally triggering, causes people to waste too much time being petty and comparing themselves to each other. I also try not to watch reality TV either, because it's a waste of time for reasons that are not dissimilar.

Sorry my response to your post was so long. Perhaps these women have some sort of of martyr complex, but then again they could very well be entirely happy with their lives and just wishing to share that with others. Regardless I think it's annoying and stressing you out; you have a right to your feelings. Honor yourself by not wasting too much time and emotion on things that annoy you, because your time is a precious commodity. You do you, girl!

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- cinderfloof
  
  7 years ago
  
  Thank you for posting this. I really needed it at this point in my life.
  
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  - RoseIsabella
    
    7 years ago
    
    You're very welcome.
    ;-)
    
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- Rihyae
  
  7 years ago
  
  I read all of that. I don't regret it, but I'm surprised I did...
  
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  - RoseIsabella
    
    7 years ago
    
    Thanks.
    
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lillygirl

7 years ago

They are doing their own fuging stuff with their own fuging life. Why are you fuging burning your own blood on that.

I guess you realize hating something not related to you is not normal.

You don't have to be a stay at hone mom. Don't do that. But don't hate people who do that. Got that..??

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  You seem to be responding angrily to this posting, meaning you are hating something that doesn't agree with your own viewpoints also. Let me guess, you're a stay at home mom with no job and a rich husband who supports you 100% and therefore have the tiem to be on this site?
  
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  - lillygirl
    
    7 years ago
    
    I didn't respond angrily. I am not a mom either.. I am doing my college.
    
    Seems you don't like fuge. It taste somewhat like caramel only less sweet. Yu should try it in a descent taste.
    
    Don't play so much candy crush saga either. I guess it's making you hateful.
    
    Stay calm and eat fuge or caramel or veggies or whatever you like. Yu don't have to hate anyone for anything.
    
    The moment you will stop hating there will be a peacwful bliss. Like you are flying without smoking...
    
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  - wigz
    
    7 years ago
    
    You seem to be missing the point that it's not within your power to just decide that these people's situations are what you think they are. You don't know their ideals, finances or job prospects. You don't get to decide that someone is 'living off of' someone else. It seems to escape you that someone might want to have a child but couldn't without a partner that stayed at home. Is that person 'living off of' the SAHP since they couldn't have a child otherwise? You just don't have the place or the information to judge, everything you are saying is baseless. Mind your own business. You have no clue why these people's situations are how they are.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      7 years ago
      
      If somebody is not earning money, and are living somewhere other than under a bridge, they are living off somebody else. Somebody else is paying for their living expenses, be it welfare, boyfriend, family, etc. SOMEBODY is earning this money to PAY for the SAHP to take care of their child that they call a job. Therefore, SAHP is LIVING OFF the person earning the money, and paying it back by cleaning their own mess. How many times do I have to repeat wiping one's own buttocks is not a job and doesn't contribute anything to anyone. Nobody cares if your ass is wiped, just like nobody cares if you had a kid and decided to devote your life to raising it (In all ways other than financially, which becomes someone else's responsibility)
      
      This is the problem, SAHP as you call it need to learn to admit they're chronically unemployed and stop saying they have a job or contribute anything useful to the world.
      
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      - wigz
        
        7 years ago
        
        You don't know their situation. Maybe they saved up money before having a kid so they didn't have to work. Maybe they make money from home. Maybe working outside the home would cost more than they'd make, it's very common for daycare to cost a few hundred per week for just one child. Oh, some child care can be subsidized by the government...so YOU get to help pay for someone to go to some crappy job where they don't make enough to get by on. Do you like that or would you rather they watch their own kid and the other parent involved picks up their tab instead of you?
        
        Children are necessary for society to maintain itself. I'm not going to explain it to you but if you want to read about it, look up fertility rates and problems with aging populations. The US is NOT overpopulated.
        
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sillygirl77

7 years ago

I'm not a parent. Stay at home mom's sometimes annoying me especially if they're snobby type of rich person (I don't mind non-snobby rich people). I'm sure it's a hard job, but highly snobby rich women who don't have to work do annoy me. I think it's somewhat jealousy for me, but even more that I don't like stuck up people in general, so I equally don't like snobby people with careers outside the home I guess... Amy jealousy only has to do with me wanting more money lol... I don't want my own kids!

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_Mehhhh_

7 years ago

Personally I do see it as a euphemism that sounds better than saying "I'm unemployed". That is how I hear it, sorry about it.

That said I'm not hating. If you're privileged enough to have a rich husband who doesn't mind being the sole breadwinner then eh, why not.

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- wigz
  
  7 years ago
  
  You don't have to be rich. For many, the cost of daycare and the limited employment options dictate the lifestyle. Also, plenty of people do not believe in having kids only to dump them into someone else's care. Being there for the kids is more important than working for them.
  
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  - Anonymous Post Author
    
    7 years ago
    
    You're responding to many comments on here with the same comments over and over. Do you have a job? Or are you a stay at home mom? You seem to be very defensive of this excuse to not work or go outside of a home someone else is paying for.
    
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    - wigz
      
      7 years ago
      
      Jeez, you're ignorant.
      
      Did you miss this part of my first post: "I've done work+house/child care, work+spouse did (some) house/child care and stay at home mom. They all have their pros and cons and which one is 'right' varies by the individual and their partner."
      
      Like I have said...you don't know what these couples' values, finances or job prospects are. You have this narrow-minded, COMPLETELY uninformed opinion formulated. In your eyes, one is living off of the working partner. Period. No exceptions. No information needed. Again, explain how that is valid? You know NOTHING about these people and why they live like this yet you are the authority that gets to decide that it's wrong/lazy/immoral? I know several people who would knock your fucking teeth in for implying that their partner lives off them.
      
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      - Anonymous Post Author
        
        7 years ago
        
        I'm being hateful, and you're telling me I'm going to get my fucking teeth knocked out by daring to notice that a person (really it doesn't have to be a woman, but society is infinitely more critical of men in the stay at home situation) who makes no income is living off the income of a person they live with. Do stay at home moms never eat? Do they sleep outside? Of course not, they eat food and live in houses paid for by other people, therefore they are living off of said people. Simple logic really
        
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        wigz
        
        7 years ago
        
        How do you have a kid and still pay all your bills? You either have to earn enough or have one parent stay at home. It's not 'living off of someone' if your contribution is worth what it would cost to hire a babysitter, maid, chef and accountant. It's also not your call to say someone is living off someone else...some people hold the value that says I won't have kids unless me or my SO can stay home with them. Those are the people who have an issue with you...the people who decided what's right for their life whether it's moral or financial. Where do you get off declaring that to be wrong or usury?
        
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  If you're a sucker and want to work twice as hard so your wife can live a life of leisure just cause shes a girl, thats how I look at it.
  
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  - wigz
    
    7 years ago
    
    Define 'work'...
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      7 years ago
      
      Something that pays for you to eat?
      
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      - wigz
        
        7 years ago
        
        So it's only work if you get paid?
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        7 years ago
        
        Since you continuously seem to reply to every single comment on here I'll asuume you "worked and saved up" So you could not have a job and watch tv/troll on isitnormal all day. Its only work if it provides for your living situation. A single mom can't support a family solely by taking care of her babies, therefore any other person involved is supporting her financially! Wow logic dictates reality! Only control freaks want to work extra hard so their wives dont have to, and people stuck in 1840s society wise. And lazy women.
        
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ChelseaGonzales

7 years ago

Hey, Dr. Phil is very intelligent. He is my future husband.

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- sillygirl77
  
  7 years ago
  
  LMAO
  
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Cocomilktitties

7 years ago

I agree that perhaps a few of them stretch the truth a little bit, but in reality, taking care of kids even when they are in school is a lot of work.

There are plenty of parents, and I'm not trying to put them down, who basically do very little to help their kids grow up. Once they're in school, they just keep a roof over their head and tell them to keep each other busy or to play with their phones and ipads.... BUT there are some people who prefer to be more involved parents.

My mom would always take us places and make us food and find things to keep us occupied. From the time we were born until about the teenage years, I would say that she really did have a full time job with us. Being a stay at home parent can absolutely be a full time commitment.

I do think there are some people who don't really put in the full commitment and then they claim the title "Stay at home parent" when they're basically just unemployed and not even doing much at home, but I also think there are some who could probably really claim that as a job title.

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Are You Normal?

Is it normal to hate "stay at home moms"?