Is it normal to hate my mother?

Well, I sort of hate my mother. I know that's pretty bad, but I do. She had me at a young age and initially blamed me for her lack of success. She wouldn't say anything when she was sober, but after alcohol she was much more open.

My Dad at the time had a baby, an unemployed wife, no college degree, and cancer. He was working 24/7 and even after he got better, he was determined to never allow himself to fall that low again. They had two more children, but he was either always at work or at nightschool. He would legitamately wake up, go to work, come home to eat dinner, and then go to school. My mom's mental health was horrid. She was always crying, she wasn't cleaning or cooking and dumped her responsibilities on me (who was only about 9 at the time). I watched her tie nooses or buy strange bottles of pills more times than I can count. I would always talk her out of it, but one time I couldn't and she had to go to a mental hospital for a week. Then she just left.

My dad had the same schedule, and now he was stuck with a 9 year old, 3 year old, and infant. I had to take care of them when he wasn't there. She came back after two years and apologized, which I believed stupidly. Then she would bring this dude around the house when my dad wasn't there, and they would go into the back room. I just thought they were friends. My dad asked one day, I told him, and she was furious at both of us. She then just sort of disappeared again and returned when I was thirteen. Now she tells everyone that he abused her (completely untrue).

She's still in the picture and she actually tries to be a good parent now. I just don't trust her or feel any sadness to the misfortunes she faces. She's my mother but she acts like a child and I have to constantly care for her. It's frustrating.