Is it normal to hate my husband so much that i want a divorce? should i??

my husband is 36. he keeps taking out payday loans. he spends most of our $ on pot. he stepped down from being a higher up position at work bc he couldnt handle the pathetic stress. it really is a cake job, trust me. its just pathetic. he never found out how much $ theyd take from his salary before he stepped down, and now we are so SO poor. we have 2 young children. he used to never pay us attention, now he pretends like hes going to and either leaves for half hour for a cigarette several times a day or he just falls asleep. he lies about everything, he calls out of work all the time AND were already living with my parents. BUT he has NO ONE else. i also hate the idea of my kids growing up with out him, but at the same time, our lives are horrible and miserable because of him right now!! he wont grow up be a man and take care of us. im desperate for work but cannot find any, plus i stay home and watch our baby who is 8 months old and has never slept thru the night yet. i am the one up with him every night. im beyond exhausted and he doesnt help. he does nothing. i hate him! i also feel like im being raped when we have sex. ij ust HATE him.