Is it normal to go through this during a break up?

45% Normal
14 Comments

A week ago on Feb 1st, we decided to break up. He's highly emotionally abusive and very controlling and yet, its like he doesnt notice it. He can dirty every dish in the kitchen in 2 days and then get PISSED becus there arent clean dishes. But if i ask, he "hasnt used one single dish, he's never home, ONLY usues one dish, hes at work, its always me."
Same with the whole house, if something is dirty its always MY fault. When thats never been the case. I grew up cleaning and have grown very accustomed to keeping the house clean. All my clothes are folded up in my drawers, all the dirty ones are in the hamper, his clean clothes and dirty ones are all mixed up in his hamper, nothing in his draers, i've been storing my son's extra clothes he cant fit yet in them for months. However he hasnt and hates cleaning.I've had to BEG him to do dishes (he'd always only do half) and dont even mention the trash.. But its like he doesnt realize that if i didnt clean our house we'd be living in utter filth. Even when i was 9 months pregnant with terrible back pain no energy and too full of baby to eat properly, if i took too long to clean messes i didnt make, i'd hear it all day from him. And then again all the damn time how lazy i am. "There are single parents out there doin it too, no excuses clean the house stop being lazy and dirty, take out the trash.. "

Anyway we decided to split, even though we have 2 kids together. But he blames the split on me. And if he's not blaming me, he[s trying to change my mind. One minute im a selfish insensitive whore who is lazy and a terrible mother but the next minute he loves me, wants no one but me, forgets we are to be seperate. He becomes so sweet verbally, but then literally next minute he Says things like "thats my pussy, u dont get to jus leave me, i will take the kids fully just to be a dick, you bought the house but i pay the bills, ur lucky ima a good man cus i'd love to knock you the fuck out but wont. "

Is this a normal break up for people with kids?
I mean im prepared for the worst but im just curious if this is how it always is to break up ?

Voting Results
45% Normal
Based on 20 votes (9 yes)
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Comments ( 14 )
  • BlackyHancock
    8 years ago

    Breakups are not always abusive and stressful like you describe.

    Your ex partner sounds really abusive and lazy. I'm sure you deserve much better than that. Don't go back.

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  • RoseIsabella
    8 years ago

    Good for you! All abusers, male and female, deserve to be dumped, because they're shitty people!

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  • bubblyblonde1999
    8 years ago

    I have one piece of advice...kick his good for nothing, selfish egotistical, dickhead ass into the next century. NO girl deserves to be treated that way.

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  • Lifeistooshorttotakeseriously
    8 years ago

    Yes it's normal when you are breaking up with a controlling narcissistic asshole. I can only imagine what he has put you through to build up to the courage to finally separate. Well done. You've survived so just keep moving forward to get your life back and to get him out of it. His role now is to be a good father to his kids. You decide the role he plays in your life. friend? The father of your children? Sperm Donor? It's all your fault that you want to be happy and won't let him make you miserable or suffer his controlling bullshit any more. And good for you! You already are a great mother and a role model to your children of what not to settle for.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      Thank you very much, i wholeheartedly agree. And i appreciate your compliments.
      I feel free, like i'd been locked up in a cage..
      I can breathe, like he sucked the air right outta my lungs.
      The side effects of him were too risky for me.
      I knew it was time to kick that habit of having him around when i looked outside one day and the sun was dull and the sky was grey..
      I'd hit my lowest point and i didnt wanna feel that way anymore.

      Thank you for your uplifting words.

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  • Bake34
    8 years ago

    Oh honey. I'm so sorry that you had to go through this. This relationship isn't normal. Leaving him is. The good news is you are a strong women. The hardest part is over. Leaving him was the best thing you could do for yourself and your children. Not having a father doesn't compare to having a bastard for one. Think about how he makes you feel, your children will feel the same way one day. I would look into full custody and move on with my life. Good luck. :)

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      Thank you, i had to tell myself that everyday for the last 4 months. "...think about how he makes you feel, your children will feel the same way one day.."

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  • Tealights
    8 years ago

    I applaud you.

    Most women use children as an excuse to stay with their abusive partner and doom their children to a life of emotion instability, tension between parents, and abuse. Not only did you break out the abuse cycle, you can see through the typical bullshit abusers do to manipulate their partners back into the relationship.

    You did the best thing possible, and you're going to make a great mother.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      Thank you very much, i really appreciate the good feedback from you and others. Oddly, i kind of grew accustomed to negative feedback and didnt even realize it until just now.
      Good day !

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  • sillygirl77
    8 years ago

    Plenty of people with kids break up. It's normally. Sorry you two had such a bad go at it. I wish you well in the future.

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  • yu-gi-ohChampion25
    8 years ago

    idk what to say about this one, why do you pick such pieces of shit to marry?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      This happened over time. When i first met him, i was 16, homeless, hungry and only had the shirt on my back and the slippers on my feet. I didnt have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. In the middle of winter! I was sleeping outside in parks, in school buses at night (they cant lock the back doors) or just walk around all night to stay warm. (no shelters) Thats how i met him, outside.
      He (a stranger, unlike all the "friends" i thought i had)took me in, gave me HIS bed, fed me HIS food, gave me HIS clothes.
      Until i got back on my feet.

      Years later, he moved in with me as he'd lost everything, even got all his suitcases stolen as he was traveling to come live with me. I gave him everything he'd given me in return. I gave him 3 beautiful children as well. However, over the last few years.. he completely changed over time. He went from sweet and nurturing to this. I didnt ask for any of it.

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  • Myghoul2099
    8 years ago

    i'm a lot like him but i don't mean to be. (besides the dishes thing. i don't care about chores.)

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      Please get help, go to therapy. I beg you. Because if you're like him, than you really need help. The amount of hurt he has caused me, the way he tried to fuck up my head (and did momentarily) , his complete heartlessness..

      You gotta be better than that. Someone somewhere wants to love you and you gotta be the best you possible so that loves never fades. You dont want to be the grinch, all lonely and full of hate and self loathing. You deserve to be better. Please try to find your heart.

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