Is it normal to find it tough being around a friend who really likes you?

56% Normal
6 Comments

NOTE IN ADVANCE: Yes, I'm a judgemental ass. I am fully aware of this fact and am cool with it.

* * * * *

Both of us met at a drama group when I was in my teens.

I'm not 24 (almost 25) and she's a couple of years shy of 40.
We both have Asperger's Syndrome.

She's not a bad person, but there is a lot about her that I find difficult to handle, even though she's very well behaved.

She always invites me to stay round hers overnight. The last time we saw each other was over a year ago.
She's always the one getting in touch with me and I delete/ignore her messages sometimes.

She apparently gets anxiety about her mum (They don't get on well) and says that having friends over helps get rid of some of that anxiety (?! Explain, please?)

She compliments me on EVERYTHING (AND I MEAN EVERYTHING); is pretty much always insanely - relentlessly, even? - nice and cheery (when I've been around her);
almost never criticises anything unless it's her mum of friends she finds hard to get on with (I'll provide examples in my comments);
often starts sentences but then trails off at the end [Luckily it's usually obvious what the ending was when she does it];
sometimes asks me the same question a couple of times in a day, or asks one day and then again the next day without realising;
is painfully leisurely [She walks really slowly even though she doesn't have any joint problems AFAIK and is quite happy to faff];
tries to get me to stay round hers for as long as possible;
is very unproactive (again, I'll provide examples);
keeps some *delicate cough* interesting company.

I've tried - badly - to end contact with her - but never managed to actually shake her off for long.

She's always the one to get in touch with me, never the other way around.

Voting Results
56% Normal
Based on 54 votes (30 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • wigsplitz
    11 years ago

    Here's how to get rid of her:

    Ask her to borrow a large sum of money for court costs associated with your most recent homicide charge.

    Sort of a joke, sort of not.

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  • Zippy
    11 years ago

    Yes, it's normal to feel this way. I have a friend who is constantly praising me and it gets really annoying after a while. That completely unjudgemental attitude sounds annoying, too. I don't consider myself negative or a pessimist, but sometimes I like to bitch about things or make fun of something and it's always fun to have a friend who can partake in this with me. So I'd say you're normal for feeling how you do.

    If you don't mind me asking, what website/s did your mom sign up to for the mystery shopping? I signed up with marketforce but I'm not so sure about it yet.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      Dammit!

      Sorry for the late reply!

      I'm with MarketForce, REACT Surveys, Assosia and Blue Apple (among others).
      Mum is with those and some others that you need to have had loads of retail/managerial experience with

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    11 years ago

    I forgot to add that sometimes it feels like I have to look after her in some ways.

    By 'interesting' company, I mean people with mental health issues that I basically have no real idea about how to handle.

    My friend's boyfriend is bipolar and is currently in (mental) hospital, she has a friend with schizophrenia and many other friends of hers have autism, Aspeger's and/or OCD (of varying degrees).
    We met one "friend" of hers who seems to be particularly severe and is basically not a good friend to her this weekend.

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    11 years ago

    I spoke to mum about it and she said that I should either tell her I find it stressful being around her or just say I'm busy every time she wants to meet.

    The thing is that I dread almost every time I go to see her and it's usually better than I anticipated. Note the word "usually".

    EXAMPLES:
    *The neighbour below her seems very thuggish, and with a dog that's usually kept indoors. When I went to see her last year, the place REEKED. She'd just talk about how cute the dog was or something like that.
    *I have NEVER heard her say she dislikes anything e.g. I will freely say I hate Twilight/romcoms and stuff of that ilk [for example's sake].
    She, however, would not say if she disliked these things and would say if she genuinely liked them
    *She asked me if I was on a particular medication. I said I wasn't, told her what I took and she said she was on the same thing as me :/ ??
    *Being unproactive: Last year, I suggested that she look into mystery shopping for some income as she and my mum are on similar benefits and mum does as much mystery shopping as she's allowed to. However, when I mentioned it to her this year, she said "Yeah, I'd love to!". This shows she hasn't even tried it.
    The same with reporting the dog to the RSPCA.

    She's a very big believer in not being judgemental, confrontational or harsh in any way.

    *shakes head in confusion* Are these common traits in someone with Aspergers'?! Sometimes I feel like I have to look after her although she's older than me and living in her own place (which is more than can be said for me)

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    • Mmmpfh
      11 years ago

      The extra info you said here reminds me of a friend I used to have. I always dreaded visiting them and started making excuses not to see them (the excuses were the truth but I was using it to my advantage at the time). By always having an excuse me and that friend just sort of drifted apart. I felt bad for it cause there was nothing wrong with him, I just found his company a bit boring.
      The thing is, is that whenever I would get over my dread and go visit him, I'd have a much better time than I thought.
      So... Speaking for myself I think I would let them know of small faults in the way they act. I wouldn't be a jerk about it but if she's repeatedly asking me the same questions on repeat or something, I'd let her know. I wouldn't cut off contact but ease out of it. Make myself busier, and have some REAL reason to bump her off if I could. Try to actually be busy so I'm not lying to her.
      Truthfully, the way you've described her makes her sound like a very nice lady, but problematic. She doesn't sound like she deserves to be hurt so the best course of action (again, just in my experience) would be to ease slowly out of this.

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