Is it normal to fight against my tears at a funeral out of respect for the family?

7 Comments

I didn't know how to properly word the question.

Some months ago I saw on social media about a little boy suffering from leukemia and his family was asking people to help them fund his treatment as he was going abroad. The treatment is soooo expensive. I know the parents, his dad is friend with my brother.

I organised various fund raising activities for the little boy with the help of many others and I felt that I was getting too attached to him (despite having never seen him). I worked almost night and day to collect to donate.

Then one day I heard that he was back because the treatment wasn't working. One morning I woke up and my phone rang. It was my brother who told me that the little guy was no more. I sat in the middle of the room and sobbed. The tears poured down and I just could not stop. I wanted so much for him to survive even when I knew that the chances were little.

I went to his funerals broken hearted. In the church when the ceremony began I fought back all those tears. I fought back so hard that my throat ached. I didn't want to cry before the family, especially his sister and parents. I felt that if I cried people would try to console me instead of giving all their attention to the family. I felt that if I respected them then I should not cry because then people who have focused on me too.

Is it normal?

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Comments ( 7 )
  • LornaMae
    5 years ago

    I'm sorry. :/ I don't think you needed to hold back your tears, unless you were going to be making a scene and have all eyes turn to you. You worked hard to try and help him and were emotionally invested so it's only natural that you would feel sad to see him go and that your efforts weren't enough to save him.

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  • [Old Memory]
    5 years ago

    Mmm, how stoic. Yeah, it's normal. I'd do the same thing.

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  • paramore93
    5 years ago

    When my mum died, I sat through the funeral and the wake trying not to cry because I didn't want the attention. My whole body was shaking and I thought my throat was going to split open. After that my emotions completely shut down and I didn't cry properly for months.
    I think what you did was kind but it's always good to let your emotions out, organically as Rose said.

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  • wigz
    5 years ago

    This just happened to me at a friends memorial service. The family spread the ashes as some words were being spoken and it was just so beautiful and moving that I was about to cry but I kept telling myself that they lost their husband and father, he was only my friend that I hadn't even known that long-I can't cry! I doubt it would be seen as inappropriate unless you really made a scene, but it still would feel wrong to me to cry around those who were much closer to the deceased than I.

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  • Annie25
    5 years ago

    Wellyou are strong af coz its so soo fucking hard to fight back tears

    I would have tried to do the same but I guess i would have broken eventhough I dint want to

    You did the right thing coz once you start pouring out its almost impossible to stop

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  • paracetamol
    5 years ago

    You can cry if you want to.

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  • RoseIsabella
    5 years ago

    Hey, could you add a poll to this, please? I think a poll will be a good thing on this one.

    I honestly cry if I have to do so, and I don't cry if I can't. I just let my natural emotions come out. When my maternal grandfather died I was sad, but didn't start really really crying until a couple of weeks later. I prefer my emotional reactions to be completely organic.

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