Is it normal to feel this way about a girl i dated for a month two years ago?

58% Normal
3 Comments

Nearly two years ago I dated a co-worker. We started at the company about a month apart. I always went to her area of the store just so I could talk to her. She was relatively unknown by others then, and her hair was covered by a cap the workers in her department wear. She was thought of as weird and as shy and was only befriended by staff 20 years older than her. However, I added her on Facebook, we chatted, and eventually I worked up the courage to ask her out for coffee. We dated for a month and for the most part, I think we both had a really good time. I have a few musical talents and most consider me gifted intellectually, which I think she was initially impressed by. She wasn't interested in a relationship and things didn't pan out. I understand that not every dating relationship will explode into something more. I was engaged in other life responsibilities at the time of our dating, so I wasn't working with the company full-time. Nobody knew we saw each other away from work.

However, my obligations have ended and I'm now able to be there full-time. This girl received a promotion, so she now works out in full view of everyone, with her hair down, looking beautiful as I remember her. Everyone loves her now and she has many friends. I feel like her stock is rising and mine is falling. I still work in a secluded area and I don't have many friends at work. For a month, she was my best-kept secret. Even people who judged her are now some of her best friends at work. I see pictures of her on Facebook with those who criticized her behaviour just two years ago. She no longer talks to me other than our obligatory interactions in my area. My question: Is it normal to feel jealous that she is rising in popularity and is no longer my secret? I thought she was great all along and I feel annoyed that people are finally coming around to see this four years into it all. I hope this makes sense.

I feel a bit stupid in all of this, because there's the obvious irony that if I think she's great I should be more than happy to see her bloom. However, I just don't feel that way. I feel like I was the only one who saw her when she was invisible.

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58% Normal
Based on 19 votes (11 yes)
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Comments ( 3 )
  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    Well I guess this is quite complicated. It seems you are waiting for her "Thank-you". Because you feel you helped her at a time she has no friends you feel like you ought to be appreciated because you saw her true beauty when no-one else did. But this happens in life. As you get older people and friends come and go in your life, people take and people give. Music, knowledge, love, experience - it's all part of human life. You need to let her go. Get her out of your head. It's really not healthy to let jealousy get the better of you. To put down your own life because you feel you didn't get the thanks you deserve is completely detrimental to your own quality of life.

    What you need to do is leave that place of work. Unless you can rationalise your feelings. You should remember as well that envy and depression distort peoples views. You say she has "Best friends" and "Everyone loves her" yet you have "Not many friends". People who are letting stuff get to them often polarise things but I can assure you that not "Everyone" "Loves" her. Some people love her, some people in your life love you. She now has friends - and you have friends. Really it's all fair. If she's stopped talking to you as she's gained more friends it might be that she can pick up on your silent seething and jealousy of her. These things are actually expressed well through your body language, eyes and voice intonation.

    If this doesn't help you change your perspective I suggest you see a psychologist. You might be one of those people who think you don't need a counsellor or a psychologist but really you do if you are letting jealousy ruin your life this much. I have seen a couple of counsellors on my time. Sometimes you just need that bit of help from some-one who knows how the mind works and who isn't going to judge you. You might find you don't like your first one but keep one trying. You'll find the right one.

    Really don't let this get on top of you. You should be able to find other things in life that you enjoy so that your mind has plenty to focus on other than the fact that you found some-ones beauty first. Anything will do, sports, exercise, writing, reading, travelling, getting a pet to look after or music, you said you're a good musician! I think if you have a pet as well you can focus all that caring, protective energy towards the pet rather than a friend.

    Good luck!

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    Well I'm glad I could be of help. Have a great weekend :)

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    12 years ago

    Wow, what a great comment. It was well thought out and well written. Thank you for the insight. I don't think a psychologist is the answer at the moment, but I'm certainly not afraid of counselling. I do have some graduate background in it so I believe in its value. I just don't think it's ruining my life to the point where I'm unable to function. These thoughts just course through my head occasionally when I browse Facebook or see her at work. However, the perspective you give in the first two paragraphs really hit home. Thank you.

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