Is it normal to feel like your parents care less about you the older you get?

65% Normal
11 Comments

This seems to have become especially apparent in the last couple of years, and especially with my mum.

I get the impression that she's trying to stop caring about me so I'll get the hint and move out, even though I can't afford to (unless I go to dad :/).

She's apparently bipolar/depressed. She's been on many medications for it and is currently giving up smoking, in the hope of getting the Champix tablets.

All she seems to do is play on her computer and watch TV. She barely exercises (not even to go outside for a walk for 20-30 minutes), but then again she has arthritis and/or something torn which she's meant to get seen about but hasn't made the appointment yet.

I don't feel like we get on nearly as much as we used to.
I don't do much housework, but I quite often feel like I have to otherwise it wouldn't get done at all. (I'll load and unload the dishwasher and do laundry without asking and wait and hope mum gets round to cleaning up the rest of the kitchen... which she never does unless someone is coming round, and then she's obsessive about it).

I never feel like I can talk to her because she's too busy stuck in her own head pretending to be depressed.

Sometimes I wish she'd grow up and get over herself.

Voting Results
65% Normal
Based on 40 votes (26 yes)
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Comments ( 11 )
  • Justsomejerk
    11 years ago

    If I had an ungrateful child sponging off me I'd be depressed too, I'd get my excercise by kicking them the fuck out. Then I wouldn't have to clean up the kitchen after them.

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  • joybird
    11 years ago

    Although your mum has depression, I do actually think it is normal to start to detach yourself from your children. I think we have to, as parents, in order to let them go and develop their own lives.

    Sadly, although we love our children we can get to the point where we decide that we actually don't really like them as people. This is why some families are not friendly with each other.

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    • Allistalla
      11 years ago

      I kindve gotten this impression too , but at the same I myself have become detached from all things , including alot of my freinds I dont know maybe poeple just lose their emotions and tolerance as they get older , maybe being emotionless is how well all end up as thier is only so much sensation to be had and with each new expiereince it gets bleaker till the day we die and their is complete blakness

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      • joybird
        11 years ago

        Certainly as we get older we do become less emotional. There's not much that hasn't happened before and has worked out ok so we don't worry too much or get too excited. As regards to friends, we grow to dislike; drama, arguments, nastiness and users so dump any people who create tension around us. I certainly find that I am much more selfish regarding my time and will not waste one hour of my day with people I don't like. I don't feel the obligation any more to do what is expected of me eg. attend weddings, Christenings, recognise birthdays, etc. If folk don't like it / me - big deal, their loss!

        Perhaps as we get older, we are so much more confident, realising that other people's opinions don't matter - they're only words, they have no impact on our lives. Also, we know that time is passing very quickly, and is in fact, running out. By the time we are sitting rocking in an old people's home all we have are memories rather than heightened emotions so I believe it's important to create happy ones and not regret wasting time on people who are wasters.

        You've given me food for thought though on that theory! Thanks.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          11 years ago

          You've made some great points - thank you.

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    • Shackleford96
      11 years ago

      "Sadly, although we love our children we can get to the point where we decide that we actually don't really like them as people."

      I agree with this. I think the opposite can be applied as well: people grow up to realize that they don't like their parent(s) as people even though they do love them.

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      • joybird
        11 years ago

        Absolutely. In fact, I think it's more often that the children decide they don't like the parents - too many bad memories of their childhood perhaps. Whereas, parents want rid of the parasites and often resent the sacrifices they made to raise ungrateful kids.

        This is a tough balancing act - but hey, we can't like everyone!

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        • Shackleford96
          11 years ago

          I agree.

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  • *~ThePurplePixie~*
    11 years ago

    I find it alarmingly insulting to say that your mother is 'pretending to be depressed'.
    My father suffers of schizofrenia (I don't know how to spell it, apologies) and I know for certain that he is not 'pretending'.

    Perhaps you need to look a bit beyond your own wants - what if your mother is suffering?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      I wrote this when I was frustrated at her not getting herself checked out after a head injury at the end of last month and being fobbed off by our hospital A&E.

      I know deep down she suffers... and I wish I could understand it better. However, she is
      A* A very good actress (She's told me herself how she has to look and act the part when giving talks at conferences for disabled people and has just come back from a conference in Finland and I've seen how dramatic the change in her often is) and B* The way the depression manifests itself isn't dramatic or immediately obvious to my mind.

      I don't know whether I can take back what I said and I realise now that was a very callous comment. Apologies to you and your dad, and my mum.

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  • Anime7
    11 years ago

    I think that there has to come a time when you have to start fending for yourself. When you get older you're capable of doing things yourself. Thus, parents sort of detach themselves from you. They still care about you, but the older you get the more you have to realize that you're capable of starting your own life and living it.

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