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I feel like I’m becoming a sociopath, I have a lot of risk factors that lead into becoming one. But I desperately don’t want this to happen, yet there’s a darker half of me that almost feels happy about it — proud even.
I feel like I’m split in half betwixt two different minds. Ambivalence is the word for it.
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You sound like one of my exes. He said literally this to me once, wtf.
He wasnt a very good person either in the end. Save yourself before its too late !!!
It sounds like you're battling things that needn't be questioned at all. You naturally have an impulsive side of the brain the behaves and acts based on emotion, and a logical side of the brain which acts as a voice of reason. These two often play a key role together for example, a desire to burn your school down then being rebutted by thoughts of possible outcomes such as arrest. It's natural to have dark thoughts. What's important is that we don't follow through on them.