Is it normal to feel like you have to dumb yourself down for most/all friends?

87% Normal
14 Comments

... especially female ones?

I was a member of Mensa when I was younger (Don't know if I'd qualify nowadays, but anyway). I would like to be able to talk about anything and everything from scientific discoveries and current affairs to [e.g.] fashion and gossip.

However, I often feel like I can't talk too much about especially complex or deep stuff with many - if not any - of my female friends and that women are past masters of inane conversations.

The ones I'm thinking of are romantic (in the most irritatingly feminine sense of the word), have a vanilla attitude towards love, their gender, sex and relationships and I think I'd go over their heads if I tried talking to them about complex subjects a lot of the time.

Voting Results
87% Normal
Based on 45 votes (39 yes)
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Comments ( 14 )
  • joybird
    12 years ago

    I party with friends at the weekends and can't stand their stupidity so I tend to drift away and chat to the older men in the pub. Many are sooooo intelligent and I even met one pensioner who was one of the first Brits into Auchwitz! Fascinating!!

    You need older company to find interesting conversations.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      That's so awesome! Do you normally go to pubs by yourself, or with other people?

      There's one pub near me that my boyfriend and I go to sometimes and we meet the most incredible guys there! One we met was telling us about the Toxteth riots in the 1980s, why Liverpool hates Manchester and loads of other local history.

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      • joybird
        12 years ago

        I can do either. I like to arrange to meet friends in the pub but tell them that there's no need to rush coz I'm quite happy chatting to other people that I meet there - especially the pensioners!

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  • la_la_la_la
    12 years ago

    Hiya,

    I luv to chat to older people. We tend to share the same taste in music which is brilliant. It's hard to get now, so I cadge it off them. I met up with an older man at a concert and wrote to another for ages who made me tapes. I really enjoyed writing to him.

    I go on websites to check tour dates and some of the things people write (mostly older) crack me up. There's no point talking to people my age about music because they haven't got a clue. You can't force people to be interested in the same things as you, any more than they can force you to be interested in the same things as them.

    I tried to dislike everything I liked and un-learn everything I learned as a child, but the more I ran away, the more it caught up with me. Eventually I just couldn't be bothered any more and gave in to it. I'm a lot happier now but I do still get in a flap about younger people not being supposed to like/do certain things.

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  • MissDethstar
    12 years ago

    Like most post above said, i don't think you are searching for intelligent people but mostly for people you can share your interest with. And it's absolutely normal i feel the same most of the times. I believe people would connect so much more if they would open up about deeper conversation then; The other day i went to the mall and saw this HOOOT dude i was likeeee etc. But i think people are scared to start unusual subject of conversation by fear to be rejected.

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  • Crudhouse
    12 years ago

    Just because you feel that way don't get rid of your friends. They're still going to be the people that understand you emotionally when you get older. I think I stopped making friends after hitting 21. Relationships become a whole lot colder after that, no real emotion or risk-taking

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  • crimson_mamba
    12 years ago

    kind of went off on a bit of a tanget there...and no its not normal..."normal" is being dumb and shallow...you are just a rare gem of a person who exists out there among a banal dull populous..

    depressing isnt it.? I know i am...

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  • crimson_mamba
    12 years ago

    "Vanilla attitude" oh yes.. Just this weekend that retarded movie "The Vow" came out with Channing Tatum and i kid you not alot of females that surround me are just OMG!! and coo at the whole infatuation of "love" s

    Meanwhile its all about money they purposely released that movie just right when its valentines day

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  • iamlaurynn
    12 years ago

    I feel the same way. It's like they're all robots or literally mentally incapable of having profound conversations with me. There are some deep-minded people out there, though, if you look hard enough.

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    Where the hell have you been my whole life?

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  • Eternal_Wisdom
    12 years ago

    so..you haven't actually even tried yet?? you're just assuming they'll be too stupid to understand your opinions & facts? maybe their thinking the same..

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      My closest girl mate's Tumblr talks about how wierd it is to have a phone at the table, her favourite TV shows, swimming, mushiness, romance, job hunting, nights out, movie and book reviews, holidays [Xmas, NYE etc etc], and the book she's writing (among other things).

      A lot of it sounds fairly intelligent, but then you get lines such as [No joke]
      "I wish I could be as graceful as the dancers and dance ballroom style in a gorgeous dress… This [Strictly COme Dancing] is one of very few reality competition shows I really enjoy because it’s not bitchy like Big Brother, mushy/gay like X Factor or boring like I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!."

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  • flax
    12 years ago

    Oh wow, an intelligent post! And you can spell! *bliss*. But I understand where you are coming from. It's hard to maintain relationships of any sort with people you cannot communicate effectively with. And many people these days prefer to just conform rather than learn something or develop a critical opinion. Good luck in finding people whose interests resemble yours more than the social group you maintain now.

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  • That_Dude999
    12 years ago

    The answer to your question is yes and no!
    I believe that many people are stuck in the same situation as you are.
    Yet caution is always good, because what you might believe to be intellectual superiority could turn out to be a clash of preference.
    One day you walk into a person who actually is interested in all those things you strived towards, just to find yourself embarrased to not be able to keep up with this person (happens to me on a very regular base).
    It is less a riddle of intelligence then a question of taste.
    So, to reframe the whole scenario: You are not looking for more intelligent people, but just simply people who wish to disguss on the same subject as you do.
    That is perfectly normal.

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