Is it normal to feel like he has made a fool of me?

29% Normal
5 Comments

He suddenly appeared one day, asked me out for coffee, kept ringing me spontaneously, asked me personal questions, talked about ideals and dreams, and said the kinds of things people say when they are interested in you, referred to a 'me and you', and let me believe he had hopes to collaborate with me in projects linked to our common interests and values. Two weeks passed; I haven't fallen that hard and that fast for a guy in years.

Then he moved out of the country without telling me, casually saying he'd be back in a week or two and was just waiting for the Department for Immigration to get back to him (as if I didn't know what sort of turnaround times Immigration are known for) and he just doesn't seem to want anything to do with me anymore.

I'm assuming that in his mind, it's over. I mean, if he's waiting on immigration documents, he'll be gone months before he's allowed back into this country to live here. I am still crazy infatuated with him and now I just feel like a stupid, undesirable fool every time I read over my texts to him. I feel like I'm some kind of freak for even wanting him - an ungainly, despicable thing, like a troll. But I desperately feel like I've been tricked somehow. He didn't 'force' me to love him but he sort of brought me to it. I dunno; can anyone validate this feeling at all? I am hurting so much I feel like my chest is physically constricted and weighted down, and like my body has aged about ten years and dried up. And when I look at the text conversations, it's myself that disgusts me, not him! I feel like he has rendered me a fool. Every time I look at our messages I feel like I am an ugly, stupid person that I hadn't been before we met. The fact that this was only last month makes me feel even bloody stupider.

Is this normal??

Voting Results
29% Normal
Based on 7 votes (2 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • MonteMetcalfe
    2 years ago

    You're being waay too hard on yourself.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      2 years ago

      I don't know about hard. I feel really confused. All of my failed relationships and friendships are flashing through my mind.

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      • MonteMetcalfe
        2 years ago

        That happens to everyone (I think). We see our partner or potential partner as being soo perfect and are willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. So we (often wrongly) end up blaming ourselves for the failure.

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  • olderdude-xx
    2 years ago

    He should have told you up front his immigration situation... Then if things clicked you would do what all the other people with pending fiance' visas do... wait and talk on the internet and via video conference calls.

    As he didn't tell you up front... Just move on and review the lessons learned. Note: The very first thing I ask a person who I understand is from another country is their immigration status and how that affects things.

    That has saved me a lot of grief; personal and business (I once worked for months with a person to assist them to set up their own business in the USA; which in the end they cannot do because their Visa does not allow it).

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  • SkullsNRoses
    2 years ago

    He led you on and made you think he was going to stick around when he had no intention of doing so. You have every right to be upset and being annoyed at yourself for falling so quickly for a snake is understandable. Remember this is a reflection on him and his poor character, not you.

    The lesson here is to try to pace yourself in relationships and see the reality of the situation instead of getting caught up in a glittering daydream of a romance. Which I know is easier said than done.

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