Is it normal to feel disappointed when others aren't as innocent as me?

71% Normal
7 Comments

Is it normal that I feel so disappointed when a person I get along with does drugs, smokes, drinks, or goes to clubs? I've no interest in these things so there's an obvious disagreement there BUT (I want to make this clear) I usually have no problem with people doing these things, I just don't have a personal interest in them.
That said, for some reason I always feel disappointed when someone I view as incredibly innocent does one of these things. I'm very innocent myself, in the way that I don't smoke, drink, take drugs, party, go to clubs, have sex outside of relationships, or even swear a lot. And when I talk to someone similar to myself I end up assuming the same. If I later learn that I was wrong and they DO smoke then I feel really disappointed in them. But I never say anything, cause its just my personal issue, there's nothing wrong with what they are doing. For example, when my ex told me she wanted to try weed I never stopped her but I was obviously offput by it and she picked up on that. In that case a lot of it was to do with the people she was hanging around with though.
This isn't limited to women either, I have known men who end up disappointing me in the same way.
Is it normal that this happens? I don't like this feeling. It really can put a downer on my day.

Voting Results
71% Normal
Based on 58 votes (41 yes)
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Comments ( 7 )
  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    11 years ago

    "does drugs, smokes, drinks, or goes to clubs"

    The problem is that only one of those items is actually wrong.

    If they're of age then there's nothing wrong with smoking, drinking, or going to clubs. You have to accept that adults partake in these and that it's not wrong for them to do so.

    And to be honest, being disappointed in them for doing so... can come off as rather high-handed and prejudicial.

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  • dirtybirdy
    11 years ago

    I don't want to be hostile, I don't want to be dismal but I don't want to rot in an apathetic existence either. See I want to believe you and I want to trust you and I want to have faith to put away the dagger but you lie cheat and steal. And yet I tolerate you. Veil of virtue hung to hide your method while I smile and laugh and dance and sing your praise and glory. Shroud of virtue hung to mask your stigma as I smile and laugh and dance and sing your glory while you lie, cheat and steal. How can I tolerate you. Our guilt, our blame, I've been far too sympathetic. Our blood, our fault, I've been far too sympathetic. I am not innocent. You are not innocent. No one is innocent. I will no longer tolerate you. Even if I must go down beside you. Because no one is innocent.

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  • elowen
    11 years ago

    You sound boring.

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  • shade_ilmaendu
    11 years ago

    I don't want to be rude here, because you sound like a nice person... But who the fuck are you to cast judgement so quickly? Do you know why not everyone in the world is so innocent? Because growing up kills your innocence. Because life happens, and life is not always kind.

    I understand where you're coming from, I truly do, and I don't know, you might still be very young, or at least very sheltered. And it's fine if you don't want to do things like drink or smoke or have sex. But just because someone lives differently than you, does not make you better than them, does not give you the right to be "disappointed in them". You're living your life in the way you see fit, why not respect your friends and allow them the same courtesy to make those decisions without your judgement?

    I would not judge you for your lifestyle, but it sounds like you would judge me for mine. And that's not very nice.

    There are many paths to the top of the mountain. They're winding and slow and oftentimes circular. And everyone climbing is convinced that they are on the right path, and calls out to the others "come over here, to my path, this is the right way!"

    But only from the peak can you see... all paths lead to the top in time.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    Nobody is innocent, much less perfect. If you were a true friend that cared about their state of well being then you should've made your concerns known to them.

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  • KeddersPrincess
    11 years ago

    I get what you're saying. It's not that you're judgemental, you just feel a little uncomfortable hanging out with people who do things that you wouldn't consider doing. When I was in high school, I had friends who drank, smoke, did drugs, partied, had sex with everyone they knew, and they were really fun to hang out with and all, but I never felt comfortable around them. I was, in no sense, interested in the things day did, and I didn't ever want to be. It's okay to feel the way you do. I was always disappointed with those friends, too, because I always knew they had more going for them than that.

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  • alv1592
    11 years ago

    It's surprising to find out some people do those things. Smoking/drinking doesn't make you a bad person, it's just not healthy. I don't agree with promiscuous sex, because I believe it should only be shared between people who care about each other. The only "bad" thing I do is drink, but not excessively.

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