Is it normal to feel ashamed and confused about your gender in your mid 20s?

59% Normal
8 Comments

Is it normal that I'm in my mid 20s now and I'm still as confused about my gender as I was when I was a kid?

Everyone who knows me thinks I'm a cis man, but I've always been uncomfortable living as that. When I was a kid I dreamed that I would wake up as a girl sometimes. When I was a teen I would experiment with makeup and "women's clothes". I was young so I didn't give a shit what anyone thought of me, and I was "just experimenting" so it was okay. Well now I'm old, and I do give a shit, and I can't "just experiment" any more, and I hate it. I feel like I missed the boat to embrace my real self because of some deep secret shame and fear, and now I'm stuck more ashamed than ever.

I don't even know what my "real self" means, I've repressed it so long. Am I a trans woman? Non-binary? A man who likes experimenting with gender performance? Who knows - I spent most of my late teens and early 20s getting drunk and stoned so I didn't have to think about this stuff. Even now I do anything to avoid being alone with my thoughts because I'm so ashamed of this. Writing this post is the closest I've come to letting myself think about it for a long time because I can't take this nagging thought. It's crazy because I always celebrate other people's identities but I can't accept my own without being weighed down by shame.

I don't feel dysphoria as I am now, but I do feel *euphoria* when I wear makeup and "cross dress", and I feel very uncomfortable having to act as a "man". I'm a great actor and I'm convinced no-one has any idea, even those who know I used to "cross dress" and wear makeup.

Anyone else struggle accepting themselves on such a deep level that they aren't even sure who they are any more?

Let's be honest I know this isn't normal, but I'd love some advice from anyone else who has ever felt this way. Or a comment from anyone else who feels this way so I don't feel so alone feeling like this. Even just a kind thought to prove someone read this.

Thanks for reading, I know it was a long one.

Voting Results
59% Normal
Based on 17 votes (10 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • JellyBeanBandit
    3 years ago

    There's nothing wrong with you for still figuring this stuff out in your 20s or 30s. For some people it's pretty clear cut what they are but for others it isn't so obvious. It's difficult at the best of times to get to the source of your personality and really see who you want to be, it can be near impossible for some, especially if they have any shame at all about it. Maybe you should go to a gender therapist, they might be able to ask you questions that you wouldn't have thought to ask yourself. It also might be easier to face your fears with someone there to support you. Good luck with it, and try not to be so hard on yourself. :)

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  • DADNSCAL
    3 years ago

    Absolutely normal. Anyone who says they weren’t is a liar. I went through several phases before I decided I was bisexual. Straight, bi, gay, and back to bi again.

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  • LloydAsher
    3 years ago

    Nope. Should have a pretty good grasp on your sexuality and who you are by the time you are 20.

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  • freakyman69
    3 years ago

    I crossdress for fun. i find it very sexy and my orgasms are always better when im wearing panties, a wig, makeup and a tight skirt or dress. i have no shame about it though. i'm a mostly straight dude. im not trans and i dont have any desire to become a woman. i dont dress outside the bedroom. nobody knows about it except me and a few of the women ive slept with. its strictly a sexual fetish for me. very cut and dry. i simply dont think about crossdressing except for when im horny. it sounds like its a little more elaborate for you tho. you should probably see a professional to help you work out who you truly are.

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  • Missyzavia
    3 years ago

    There is not ONE thing wrong with the way you feel, your feelings are your feelings. I feel exactly the same way and I'm 60! Relax and embrace who you are and fuck what people think and I know that's hard. You are a unique conscious person in this crazy universe and everyone is different. People love to act normal and judge other people who they think are outside the norm, fuck them!

    💘 and ✌

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  • goyja-yearnin
    3 years ago

    same, can we switch bodies ?

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  • DeletThis
    3 years ago

    When you say euphoria, do you mean your d”k gets hard? Cause you may just be an autogynephile like many confused “trans women”.

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  • donteatstuffoffthesidewalk
    3 years ago

    is this what young people consider an interestin personality?

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