Is it normal to do this in a relationship?

13 Comments

I was with a guy who lied to me over and over again. Destructive lies and promises he had no intentions of keeping. He actually encouraged me to do things that almost ruined my life.

When I asked him why he'd do this to me. He said because the lies made me happy and that made him feel good. I said Bullshit... that can't be the extent of it. I said I think it made your ego feel good when I'd dote on you when you acted so sweet. He said sure, it made me feel good... doesn't everyone like to be fussed over and get compliments.

I said sure people like being treated well, complimented etc, but not at the expense of telling lies and making promises that they have no intention of keeping that can be life ruining to the person you're telling them to. Am I right that it's abnormal to make yourself feel good at the expense of fucking up someone elses life OR am I crazy and is his behavior completely normal?

Abnormal to make yourself feel good at the expense of hurting others	14
Normal, because some ppl are selfish, but totally wrong to do	7
Normal, make yourself happy even if it means hurting others	0

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Comments ( 13 )

Tealights

8 years ago

He's selfish and narcissistic.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  Thanks that's how I feel now, but he put on a good show pretending he did everything for me. Only in the end when he fessed up about all the lying and I broke it off did I realize that he was selfish and all about himself.
  
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Ellenna

8 years ago

I'm glad to see you're describing this relationship in the past tense: congratulations for trusting your own perceptions and not his self-serving bullshit

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  No clue why you were thumbed down. I just thumbed you back up a bit. This is helpful feedback. Thank you. Yes it is past!
  
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  - Ellenna
    
    8 years ago
    
    I hadn't noticed I'd been thumbed down and I don't really care unless people bother to tell me why at the time.
    
    Glad if I was of any help
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      8 years ago
      
      You were very helpful. Thanks :)!
      
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Sample-Stick

8 years ago

Please can you tell us those things that almost ruined your life he encouraged you to do lets know what advice to give you?

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  He lied and discouraged me from moving on with his lies even though he had no real feelings for me... he was just using me. Discouraging me from moving on and having me believe he really loved me was the harmful thing.
  
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  - Sample-Stick
    
    8 years ago
    
    Well i'm not surprise because that is one thing about some of us guys. Like you rightly said, "he didn't has feeling for you". But you should have notice that earlier if you want. I have one advice for you, "don't regret those with you in the past. You never know why they are not there for you at present". Just keep on with your life. I believe someone that trully love you will soon surface
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      8 years ago
      
      It's good advice thanks. I will learn from this. Unfortunately, I didn't realize earlier maybe because of my inexperience and because he was a god damn good actor. He'd say he wanted to marry me and I believed him. Apparently, he never wanted to marry me... he admitted it :(. I'll know in the future not to always trust people at face value... sad lesson :(
      
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  - Anonymous Post Author
    
    8 years ago
    
    Also when my friends smelled a rat and I hadn't yet, he encourage me to not be friends with them anymore. I realized he was trying to isolate me.
    
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NathanScot

8 years ago

I dont see anything wrong here,you clearly enjoed being treated this way and thats why you stayed with him for so long.Cher'

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  I didn't know he was lying about things until the break up. He encouraged me to do harmful things that he asked me to do that discouraged me from moving on by lying about his feelings all along.
  
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Are You Normal?

Is it normal to do this in a relationship?