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If my happiness interferes with someone else's happiness I will deny myself to give them the happiness they need/deserve.
I do this with everything and everyone in life.
Is this normal?
Giving myself to the point where I no longer feel happy.....(I know one of these days regret will make me do something reckless)
Regardless, you do it because you value it more than the alternative. You're still bringing yourself more happiness than if you were to not be altruistic.
You're not being altruistic.
In fact you are hurting everyone by acting this way.
Obviously it negatively effects you, but you negatively effect others as well because you are teaching them that they can always get what they want.
Sometimes the best way to help someone is to tell them no. Also the biggest thing most people regret on their death bed is living for others rather than themselves.
Giving to the point of it being a detriment to myself is codependency and not altruism? Eg if I thought my breathing would interfere with someone else's, I would try to hold my breath
Everyone else is so much better than me, worth so much more....who am I to deny them everything they need in life.....my needs are not important if they interfere with someone else's need
No baby, that's not the answer. You need help, because you're just as worthy as anyone else. God didn't put you here to be a doormat or a shrinking violet. In the eyes of God we are all worthy! You need help to address whatever it is that makes you feel like you're unworthy of good things.
Have you ever been in a proper relationship? Do you dislike making decisions? Do you dislike conflict? How does your need to be altruistic function in friendships?
I was married and because I was not enough in any way my husband beat me....I almost died because I made him so angry....if I had done more he would have been better and our twins would be alive and our marriage would be good now, I just know it.....it's my fault that he kicked me, and my body gave up our twins and I nearly died.....it's all on my shoulders and I am trying to make up for it now by being even more giving than I have ever been
P.S. God-lady....I am atheist.....was born atheist, and will die this way....your God is yours, not mine
You need to put the blame where it belongs, on HIM. There is NO reason to beat another person and you need to stop blaming yourself. I hope he is in jail the rat bastard.
People are responsible for their own actions.
Blaming yourself is fucking stupid.
There was nothing to salvage from your marriage because most people don't act violent just because someone "made them angry."
You are right you have a problem, but your problem is that you blame yourself for what other people do.
Have some fucking self respect.
you know if it was just my ex i would do that. the thing is, my ex was not the only one to hit me. Every boyfriend, i ever dated hit me too and it doesn't end there, my first babysitter, at the age of 2, he did things to me as well. a half a dozen men, over the years.....all did the same thing......if i didn't bring it onto myself then why did it happen? i must have done something to provoke all these different men to do the same thing!
I dont think you necessarily provoked them all to be abusive, because most men do not act that way. Most men may get mad at a women, but wont hit her.
I do think there is something you are doing wrong though to create these patterns.
Much of it likely comes from the people who you have chosen to associate with.
Often when someone is abused they repeat the cycle because they think it is normal, when it is not. Therefore they are likely to tolerate abuse, while most people would get rid of someone the second they started acting that way.
Another problem you may encounter, is that abusive people can easily spot a potential victim. There are videos on youtube that better explain how this works, but generally a victim may walk looking down and do things slowly and quietly, while someone who stands straight looking at the world head on will be seen as someone not to fuck with. It's a bit more complicated than that, but know that predators purposely seek vunerable people.
To stop this cycle, you should pick the guy, rather than them pick you. Dont worry about rejection, and dont rush into anything. Choose wisely. Pick a nice guy who you may not normally go for. I have heard women say they pick abusive men because thats all they know, which is just stupid. Nobody is going to sympathize with someone who purposely defeats themselves.
It will be important to learn self respect, but if you care about anything at all in this world, it will be necessary, because you must respect yourself to stand for your own morals.
Your situation and what you're feeling is not normal at all. I knew a person in a similar, though less severe, scenario and she tried to adopt a disastrous lifestyle choice to cope.
Have you talked to anyone about this, a friend or family member or is this the first time you're sharing this with anyone?
P.S. I'm not RoseIsabella but I do agree with her that you should seek a therapist
I want to think/believe 100% altruism is achievable and I strive to be that way because I truly believe that is all I have that I am able to contribute to the world