Is it normal to continue this non-relationship or am i just plain naive?

Hello people
So nice to be back here after a few years (and to see that this site still exists)!
Wellwellwell.. Life hasnt gotten any simpler;)

Two and half years ago, i (24)met this guy who's 12yrs older than me, in a real-life Before Sunrise-scenario on the train, and instantly fell in love with him. He asked me if i'd like to have coffee with him, i said yes, and so it started..
As i was living in another country, he came to see me twice and it was really beautiful.

Then, when i was visiting him, he told me that he had a girlfriend now but that our thing would have nothing to do with his relationship with her etc.. It was quite confusing and he's so eloquent that i believed him, i.e. Didnt ask any further questions
Turnt out that he was with his ex for 4yrs and that he's still working with her in the same theatre company.
Well, after this incident, things got even weirder, and we didnt see each other for 1 year, even though we actually parted on a positive (love drunk, at least on my part) note and even though we said we would see each other very soon. And after i left he even texted me that i forgot my book and that he would gladly bring it back to me as soon as possible.

However, as i was an even more naive/love-drunk/impulsive puppy back then, i sent him 2 emails to him (during this year of non-contact), asking him if he'd like to meet me there etc, to which he responded both times only a few days later, that he'd love to if only he could, and how i was doing.
And i, of course, totally (pathetically) happy that he replied, answered him, only to be ignored and ghosted one more time.

However, last summer, he wrote me out of the blue, after one year, that he was finally free, 'free in a litteral sense', and that he would love to see me as he was near my city anyhow.

And i, of course, said sure, lets meet and then we met.
And since this 're-encounter' we have met three times, the last time he came to my place for ten days (we live 9hrs apart by car) and it was really beautiful. And he told me in january that he loved me (several times, and it seemed very sincere to me.. But what's my perception anyway?!, thats why i'm writing all this to gain some objective insight) and he repeated it this time as well. And he even said that if i wanted to, i could impose some rules on him or be in a 'classical' relationship with him, if that's what i wanted. And he even started making jokes or references to having kids and how they'd look like etc. Something that would have make him jump up if i said that in our 'first phase'.
Anyway, since he first rejected me, i.e. Told me that he had a girlfriend, it was clear for me that i wouldnt want him as my boyfriend, because sth had died in this moment for my romantic-retarded idea of Amour Fou. This is also what kind of gives me the coolness and maturity to handle our 'revival' - because there's nothing at stake, because i'm only being honest to my self, admitting that i'm still in love with him and that i love seeing him.

But my problem is now that i have this permanent, latent heartache, because we only see each other about every three months. And that i dont know if i'm just too dumb to realize that i'm his ultimate back up girl that he only keeps until his next relationship with a 'real woman' unlike this weird confused and clumsy girl? (I still get goose bumps when i think back of when he once said that his ex, actress in the same company as him, is a terrific dancer. Even though i think i'm hotter than her lols whatever)
Also, our communication habits are pretty old school, about 1 email every 1-2 months.
I
What do you think of all that??
Sorry for this logghorroe..

Daisy