Is it normal to be with someone who shares vastly different political views?

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5 Comments

My boyfriend and I have been together 3.5 years, which I can't say its been completely peachy, we used to fight, ALOT and it was pretty yucky- throwing dishes at each other and cursing etc, but I think this was just a weird phase. Now my problem is we never really solve anything. We start fighting, and then immediately we realize and we just avoid the argument completely, we haven't learned to resolve our conflicts, just how to stop them from escalating.

My issue is the things we repeatedly argue about are pretty big social issues, we have vastly different opinions politically and socially that would make anyone wonder how the hell we are still together. For example, he is against gay marriage, and since he is against gay marriage he is also against them having children too, which is the exact opposite of my opinion.

Also, when we first started dating I made the mistake of having a three-some with him because he practically begged me to, making the argument that since I like girls that we should enjoy them together.... well I didn't like it, he favored her over me (which he even admitted to), and it made me feel uncomfortable. So I thought ok, he got his way, he did it once...but thats not it, he still asks me 3 yrs later when our next 3-way will be, I keep telling him I'm not doing it, which escalates into an argument that is never resolved.

The weird thing is we still love each other aside from all our shit we still hang out every day and have sex on a regular basis, really generally enjoy each others company. We don't agree on who should be president, or what should happen in our sex life, or on most political discussions, we also say we would never get married and if someone asks if we're going to move in together we very enthusiastically say "no way"....but somehow we are still together.

Is this normal?? Or should I get out now and stop wasting my time on something that obviously isn't going to work..

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Based on 4 votes (1 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • dinz
    11 years ago

    Oh the old saying "opposites attract" is true in alot of relationships. So I would say it is normal. Relationships is all about learning to accept and make compromises with the other partner, so I would say normal.

    Now on his threesome request.

    Well if he wants a threesome - tell him it will be under the condition you get to pick the other MALE. Give him a little of his own medicine, see how he swallows it.

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  • tonometer4321
    11 years ago

    The political thing might be dealable since you both can have your own separate vote in the elections... But the sex thing.. That would be a no go with me. I might consider a 3 some but don't think i could do it out of fear of my BF favoring the other one.. and that would always resurface for me!

    I guess it just matters how long you want to wait until you meet someone you can see yourself moving in with or marrying!

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  • NeuroNeptunian
    11 years ago

    My parents had drastically different political views and it didn't help their relationship. I believe, and I may be wrong, that, if after 3.5 years that the two of you have not developed better conflict management strategies then it probably won't happen anytime soon for the both of you.

    If you are having this much trouble and he is refusing to respect your sexual preferences, it may be time to break it off.

    Conflict management skills and similar goals are an integral part to a successful relationship so you have to choose. Either put up or get out. If, after 3.5 years the situation has not changed, sorry to say, it probably won't but if you are willing to put up with it then I don't see why you need to bother unless you are truly unhappy.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    if it was me i would have a break with him and do other things, by being with him you are not meeting someone else who could be yr soulmate , be up front with him and say youd like to have a loving relationship with someone , in a way it is a waste of time

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    • kitkat_1
      11 years ago

      hm interesting, yea our relationship is so wacky we probably need a break at the least

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