Is it normal to be this tight?

Alright, this is for the ladies (or men if you have experienced this with your woman). There has to be something im not doing but I cant seem to get my boyfriends 'man bits' in my lady parts. When we had sex for the first time, he actually got it all the way in but it hurt so much that his dick went soft and we ended up doing oral... Yesterday we decided to try it for the third time. I made sure I was super relaxed and even lubed him up real well before we tried. With all that in mind, he still couldnt get it inside of me. It burned so much as if he wasent pushing it in the hole. I cried out my embarrassment and we went on with the rest of our evening. While I really want to do it again, im still super embarrassed and afraid it wont work the next time we try it. Is there something im not doing right? Have others experienced this extreme tightness?

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38% Normal
Based on 48 votes (18 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • SpencerDiLaurenta

    So, I don't know how to start this.
    There are a couple answers here.
    I'll start from the least likely option.

    1.Medical condition. (highly doubt it)
    However, if what I say below doesn't change anything, then consult your gyno or any doctor.

    2.You don't know your body.
    I don't know your age, or how much sexual experience you've had, but it sounds like you are not very comfortable with the idea of sex. I suggest you find some alone time and a door that locks, (preferably your room) light some candles if you like and put on some porn that turns you on.
    You can use your fingers or a toy, and simply get to know your sexual preferences, get to know your body and things that feel good. Try loosening and tightening your vaginal wall.
    Technically, once you start getting turned on by the porn, you should automatically loosen and feel the way that it should feel when he tries to have sex with you.

    3.He is not doing foreplay
    Foreplay is a HUGE part for women.
    We need the attraction before, we need to be turned on so that we can get wet, or else it will be extremely painful and not enjoyable for either person.
    Bring up the fact that you want him to do certain things to turn you on,
    Eating you out would help, it would moisten it down there and hopefully get your engines running as well. Let him know that it needs to be a group effort to get you where you need to be

    4.A little mix of everything stated above,
    either way you need to talk to your partner and let him know these issues.
    Or else you can't solve them.
    You need to know how to turn yourself on, and he needs to be able to do the same.

    Good luck

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  • pixie44

    Well my first time was excruciating. It was so painful I had trouble standing up after. And i bled a couple days after too but my boyfriend was very big. So I'd suggest not letting him go in all the way yet. Just the tip and have him put that in and out till it loosens you up. And do ALOT of foreplay because sometimes you can get nervous and your muscles tense up.

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  • Cherryblossomm

    I made sure to masturbate so I was used to some penetration before having sex we also always ave a TON of foreplay which is fun anyway. Maybe get him to go down on you before? That's what I did the first time and it was a weird feeling since I'd never had sex before but sex should NEVER hurt. It's a myth that your hymen is supposed to break it's supposed to gently stretch out of the way and has not nerves in it so when it does stretch you can't feel it anyway. Pain and even bleeding are cause when the vaginal muscles are tensed and the friction causes damage to the muscles and causes the tissue inside your vagina to get kind of scraped and bleed. The only awkward thing was when I got excited and squeezed my muscles down there and he was like"It feels like a fist is clamped out me???!!!!" I thought he'd be expecting that ...
    If you are really concerned you should talk to your doctor otherwise use lube and have AT LEAST 15 minutes of foreplay!
    You have to be aroused for sex to work!!!!!! A vagina is similar to a penis in that it has to fill with blood and get aroused before sex. Having sex before you are aroused is like trying to have sex with a flaccid penis it doesn't work! All vaginas are very compact and shallow when they are not aroused, but as you get aroused your vagina fills with blood causing the muscles to swell up and making your vagina actually extend a bit deeper. So essentially if you try to have sex before aroused you are trying to stick like 6 inches into 3 inches because your vagina has not become deeper yet! It's really bad so make sure you are not just calm but aroused before trying to have sex.

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  • hokisgurl

    After I had my son and tried having sex again with my husband sex was painful its an actual medical condition what really helped is using a vibrator before sex and lube as the more you use the vibrator your muscle will loosen and relax and eventually not need the vibrator anymore

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  • mystery7

    A long time ago when I was about 17 my GF and I were both inexperienced and we had the same thing happen.

    It just would not fit in, except the head. I was so clueless at the time that I did know how to turn her on, or even know the telltale signs of a woman being turned on and actually READY for having sex.

    Like others have said, lots of foreplay.

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  • TheChakraMantra

    Try having him use his fingers first to stretch you out, or even a small vibrator, before attempting penile insertion. It works wonders. Though it's unlikely to be a medical issue, it wouldn't hurt to talk with your doctor to get some advice.

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  • zsdworknman

    Different positions can offer better angles for penetration,you being on top would probably give you a chance to choose how deep you want it etc. I have had similar issues being a male a lot of guys want to be big and all that but it can also work against you bruised cervixs and tears are never a fun thing

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  • Cuntsiclestick

    Here you go, OP. Maybe this will help?

    http://www.amazon.com/DR-LAURA-BERMAN-INTIMATE-BASICS--DILATOR/dp/B00KA8RUFU/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1421672798&sr=8-7&keywords=vaginismus

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