Is it normal to be thinking about agreeing to my gf having a lover?

67% Normal
19 Comments

So my girlfriend is unlike any other girl I've known. She is a very, very sexual person. We love each other very much, but I know that she is sexually frustrated with me. I'm the gentle, sensual, loving type and can't be what she wants, even though I try. I also suffer from premature ejaculation which I know is a big issue for her. The thing about her having a lover came about while we were watching porn. Basically the stereotype pornstar stud with a big dick that can last forever while being very dominant (She likes being dominated). While watching this she asked me in a jokey way if I would be ok with this pornstar fucking her like that. She was sounding me out and everytime we watched porn she would say the same thing but each time in a more serious way, also while getting me turned on. This over the period of weeks developed into her telling me how frustrated in bed she is, even though she excepts that I've tried really hard to be what she wants, we both now know I can't be. She wants a lover, but only if I'm o.k with it. I love her so much and want her to be 100% happy, so I'm thinking of saying yes.

So what do you think? IIN? Can it work?

Voting Results
67% Normal
Based on 9 votes (6 yes)
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Comments ( 19 )
  • Grunewald
    4 years ago

    Once you say yes it's like opening a Pandora's Box. I can't see it ending well.
    Either you compromise or it's best to break up.

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    • davidzztop
      4 years ago

      So do you think I should say yes?

      I can't break up with her because I'm so in love with her. I could say no, but I know that she would be unhappy because sex is very important to her. She is slowly trying to get me to be turned on by it.

      Not sure what to do.....

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      • Grunewald
        4 years ago

        Sex with YOU should be the thing that's important to her.

        She can't just treat sexual gratification like something to be served to her on a plate by whoever or whatever is offering it. Sex is the chemistry of YOUR bodies and emotions, your relationship is about YOU and HER. The sex is part of the fabric of that 'you-and-her'-ness. If she has another lover, it'll become 'you-and-her-and-someone-else' - or maybe even 'her-and-someone-else' with you on the side.

        I would never agree to this situation. I would be heartbroken if my man treated my body and our physical bond like a commodity he could get more or less of by getting another body from somewhere else. Sex isn't just sex - it's sex with SOMEONE.

        Your dignity comes first. You are 50% of your relationship and love is about respect, not about gorging yourself on another person's flesh.
        Don't let her treat you and your body like a replaceable thing. Say no.

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      • Cuntsiclestick
        4 years ago

        I've seen this scenario before. Each time, they got dumped for the other person. You can let her have a side lover, but be aware that that shit could happen to you too.

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        • davidzztop
          4 years ago

          That's what I'm afraid of.....

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  • Doesnormalmatter
    4 years ago

    CAN work, but in my estimation, it is too risky.

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    • davidzztop
      4 years ago

      Does anyone have experience of this working?

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      • FromTheSouthWeirdGuy
        4 years ago

        I do. Me and my wife have both done this. Not for the reasons you do but just because we are pervs and have been together since we were kids.

        Look up 'cuckold' fetish. That sounds like the scenario you are talking about. If you do this it's almost better to use a random guy you'll never hear from again. Tell her you want him to be random so they dont get feelings.

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        • davidzztop
          4 years ago

          Cuckold is the word my girlfriend uses when she is teasing me and trying to turn me on about her wanting a lover. Basically where I remain faithful to her, but she isn't to me. If I was to agree to her having a lover, I would not want the same. I only want her.

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          • einexile
            4 years ago

            I think humiliation kink is a really bad idea when health problems are the fuel for it. What would have been roleplaying becomes something not very far from abuse. I suspect her treatment of the issue has made matters worse for you, so that on some level you have it in your mind that you cannot satisfy ANY woman. It isn't true. Many, many women are not at all like this. Keep your relationship if you can't bear to end it, but please also find yourself a girl who likes your body and isn't chasing the dragon. I swear you will find her if you look.

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          • FromTheSouthWeirdGuy
            4 years ago

            Yeah, I get that fetish but it's not for me. If you're not into cuckold maybe agree her swinging only if you can swing with some other chicks too.

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            • davidzztop
              4 years ago

              Do you not get jealous of another man fucking your wife.

              In my head I don't think that I would be, but I'm scared that if it actually happened I would be.

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  • notdonaldtrump
    1 year ago

    what are you doing for your premature ejaculation ?

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  • davidzztop
    4 years ago

    So last night I agreed to her having a lover. I'm not 100% sure about it, but I trust and love her.....

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  • einexile
    4 years ago

    The way she put the request shows a total lack of sensitivity and possibly a desire to hurt and humiliate you. The civilized and decent way of doing this would have been to express a general urge to sleep around, entice you with the benefits you would receive in the bargain, and then seek out other partners together and fool around in parallel. Just asking to go off and bone Chad while you sit home alone with your dick in your hand exposes her as either a total moron or just a really nasty person.

    It may be, however, that she already finds you pathetic and was hoping you would prove here that you're not. Well, do that. Tell her absolutely no, that you're offended and don't want to hear such talk any longer, and then see your doctor about your sexual problems. There is no shame in addressing this as a medical issue and accepting a pharmaceutical solution.

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    • davidzztop
      4 years ago

      She isn't a total moron or a nasty person. She is the opposite. She has told me that she wont do anything that I'm not ok with. I don't think she is doing this as a test to confirm in her mind that I'm pathetic, she really wants it.

      However, I am worried that it could lead to her losing respect for me, even if she doesn't mean to.

      As for medical solutions. I am aware of them and have tried many with regard to my PE. They help, but they cannot turn me into something I'm not. It can't help me grow a huge penis or be a stud and be dominant in bed. I can pretend, but it doesn't work, we have tried. I am submissive in that way though.

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      • einexile
        4 years ago

        But everybody wants that. This isn't some far-out kink she came up with, she just wants sex with somebody more attractive. You've probably always wanted this, along with - okay, not EVERYBODY but a great many people. We want more sex, we dream about higher value partners, but we forgo this out of sensitivity and respect. If it reaches a point where we feel we need to ask permission, we maintain that sensitivity and respect by not linking it to our partner's shortcomings. We say "I'd like to have a little more variety, and I bet you would too." We don't say "I want to fuck somebody better than you instead of you."

        I'm sorry for saying unpleasant things about your girl, but asking for an open relationship in a way that's obviously going to twist the knife in one of the most primal wounds a man can experience with a woman, that's just plain fucking mean.

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      • davidzztop
        4 years ago

        So last night I agreed to her having a lover. I'm not 100% sure about it, but I trust and love her.....

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